Alton Towers is a Theme Park directly in the centre of England. Seriously, it's like a fucking target. From Space! YEAH!
So, back in the early 1800's, there was a fella called Charles Talbot, who was the 15th Earl of Shrewsbury. Basically, Alton Towers was handed down to him through family, but he was the first person in years to actually consider living there, mainly due to the fact that most of it had been destroyed in the English Civil War. Still, quitters never prosper, so he set to work on tidying the old place up, starting with the gardens. Seriously, this place is famous for its gardens, which you could say is a disability for a theme park, but they really are something incredible (to borrow a 1950's term).
There's no way to poke fun at this image. Except maybe some of the smaller trees. They look like dicks.
After planting some phallic shaped trees (presumabley to annoy the locals), he rebuilt the house to a state of glory. It was, like, rooms galore up in this place. It's a freakin maze in there now, but it was probably quite nice back then. Of course, it's haunted now, but whatever.
Of course, after years of people peacefully living in this mansion, WW2 hit and the towers became a base of operations for the English, to train soldiers. The house was neglected and the gardens cordened off (so to speak), until 1951.
The park was established in 1980. The grounds already had tours and a lake to row on, which is what kids want for a family day out obviously, but the owners reckoned a little bit more was needed. So they stuck a rollercoaster in and called it a theme park. Okay, not just a rollercoaster, there was a pirate ship and a bobsled ride, but the coaster was key. It was called The Corkscrew (possibly because the ride had a corkscrew section, we're not sure) and it was placed behind the towers. The next year, a log flume was installed, flowing past the lake and through the woodland area of the grounds. In 1984, the second rollercoaster, The Black Hole, was built. Not to be confused with space travel or sexual acts, The Black Hole was just a coaster that you rode in the dark.
Fun and diversity meet in 1984
In 1987, a monorail was built to get guests from the car parks to the entrance. Nothing spectacular, right? Well what if we told you it was opened by WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER! That's right, the shatman appeared to open a monorail. A god damn monorail! Don't believe us? See for yourself!
Okay, so the English are a bit nerdy. Let it go!
Well, it's gone from this:
Sort of depressing in a cliched way. They've turned it from country home into Englands most visted attraction (possibly).