Duck Billed Platypus

Nature's cruelest joke. They look like duck-billed beavers, and can kick your monkey ass.

Poor Platypus. Even titmice and boobies are laughing at you.

Just The Facts

  1. Mother Nature and God got together and designed to Platypus to punish people who reincarnate and were assholes.
  2. Aside from the koala, the platypus is Australia's only non-terrifying animal.
  3. Oh wait, they are one of the world's only poisonous mammals. (God damnit Australia...)

Cracked on Platypus

The platypus is a bizarre little animal indigenous to the freakshow house of horrors that is the island continent of Australia. They look like 5 different animals slipped into a steambath orgy and had a kid. They are both poisonous and lay eggs, and are mammals. It's like a duck faced beaver that thinks it's a snake.

They can detect electrical signals with their weird face and eat worms, shrimp and crayfish. Take out the worms and they would fit right in in New Orleans. Add tequila and you can add back in the worms.

Platypus are egg laying mammals, called Monotremes. Hold onto that nugget in case you ever wind up on Jeopary. In 2008, some eggheads discovered that platypus share DNA with mammals, birds and reptiles. Platypus have been around since before the dinosaurs were wiped out.

God has been laughing at that joke for a LONG time.