Classic Disney Movies
Disney has been entertaining children for years with stories centered around personal tragedies and some rather strange ideas about courtship and marriage ...
Relationships: the Disney model
What little girl doesn't dream that she's secretly a princess? None!
However, if she were to follow the Disney Model for Extremely Risky Relationships, she'd be married at 16 after dating for only a few days, and her future spouse may/may not be related to her. In The Little Mermaid, a girl goes exactly where she's not supposed to (the surface), meets her people's greatest predator (humans), and becomes infatuated enough to essentially sell her soul for a potential husband (If spending your life as a sentient shrimp cocktail in waiting doesn't qualify as at least some level of hell, you've got some personal empowerment issues to work out).
After catching her on the surface, her father confronts her about her "adventure," and she declares, "I'm 16-years old. I'm not a child anymore." After a metamorphosis t least as traumatic as a sex change, she becomes an entirely different species, albeit one with the appropriate genitalia (now that would have been a plot twist!) and heads for shore. After spending three days without having a single conversation with the man of her dreams, she goes ahead and marries him, thereby making drunken, random Las Vegas marriages look romantic and well-planned.
Where does the incest come into play? That would be compliments of The Lion King. Oh yeah. Extending beyond the realm of the back-water hills of Appalachia, digging your sister stretches over the Atlantic and hits the Savannah. There is only one male in the pride. That would be the beloved lion king, Mufasa. Simba and Nala grew up in the same pride. Again, I reiterate, there are no other males making babies in the pride. That would make Simba and Nala half siblings. That's right. They used the British royalty method of keeping the King's bloodline pure. The punishment of such a relationship? A half-baked sequel staring your mutant off-spring that introduces new blood (in the form of one new male) into the pride. I'm not even going to tread near the notion of how Simba inherited all those females. Neither The Lion King or The Lion King II: Simba's Pride seem to have any scruples concerning raising children in a harem of sex partners. An orgy is simply quality "family time."
No mother, no father, no problem
Disney movies that have a parent tragically taken from the poor main character:
- Snow White
- Cinderella
- Bambi
- Tarzan
- The Lion King
Disney movies that don't even address the fact that a parent is missing:
- The Jungle Book
- Aladdin (Jasmine or Aladdin, take your pick)
- Beauty and the Beast
- The Little Mermaid
- Basil--The Great Mouse Detective
Really when you break it down, you have a movie empire built on the back of making children consider the prospect of being orphaned, while also teaching them that this will somehow make their life fuller.
We're all for teaching kids important life lessons through art, but speaking from childhood memory, there's something macabre about herding a group of small children into a close, dark space, flooding their senses with light and sound, and killing an effigy of one of their closest relationships right in front of their young, innocent eyes.
Sequels, sequels, they're so fun!
Disney treats their most successful franchises like Rochester treats his wife in Jane Eyre, keeping them locked up in an attic for decades at a time. Unlike most films, Classic Disney Movies are rarely available to rent or purchase.
Then Disney will use some excuse to trot them out and allow us to gaze upon their glory for a limited time only and hold a parade all over the media about what a special opportunity we are all being given. The franchises will then be shut away for another ten years until there is a new generation who has not yet learned the trick, and which point Disney marches them back out and starts milking them for all they're worth with promises of "digitally remastered" and "added footage."
If you think this is out of some respect for the brilliant original works created by the company's ingenious namesake, you obviously don't know about the "sequels," which makes sense since they didn't bother releasing any of them in theaters.
Films with shameful, direct to DVD sequels:
- Pocahontas
- Brother Bear
- Lilo and Stitch
- Bambi (yeah, even Bambi has been ruined)
- Mulan
- The Jungle Book
- 101 Dalmatians
- 3 The Little Mermaid movies
- 3 The Lion King movies
- 3 Aladdin movies
- Air Bud has starred in more films than Rocky
Yes Disney has milked each of its most successful franchises for more sequels than a derby horse put out to stud, thus bringing us to a place where the captive lunatic metaphor becomes entirely too creepy to carry any further.
Actually, I dreamed of being a major league baseball player when I grew up.
ReplyAre you in any way implying that the Aladdin and the King of Thieves was in any way sub par? Because that movie was incredible. "Are you in or ou"-- Oh dear lord; my adult mind just ruined that song for me with a plethora of "That's what she said"s. Dammit. Still a great movie, though.
Replyyou forgot about Cinderella sequels
Replysaying it twice wont make it happen
try saying it one more time and click your heels
you forgot Cinderellas sequels
ReplyLet's see... Jasmine ran away from her family because she wanted to marry for love and not for power, Belle loved to read and she refused to marry Gaston because he was a jerk despite every other girl in the village wanting to marry him because he was good looking, Pocahontas wanted there to be peace between the Indians and the settlers... Yeah, all Disney princesses are terrible role models.
ReplyHorrible, all the little girls should be like barbie instead and be stick thin,have huge boobs, be blond haired and blue eyed *eye roll* i hate modern society.>=(
f**k you guys, I still want to be a princess.
ReplyWhen I was a little girl I wanted to be a cat...and then a goddess...than I demoted myself to priestess in a Greek temple...
ReplyI actually enjoyed Lion King 2, Aladdin 3 and Pocahontas 2 (mostly).
ReplyTHERE IS A 3RD LITTLE MERMAID FILM? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, SOMEONE KILL ME!
ReplyIt explains about her mother.
..When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a Pokemon Master. But before that, I wanted to be a cat.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesI would be proud if I had a daughter who said she wanted to be like Ash when she grew up. I'd be very disappointed if she said "Princess" or "fairy". I wanted to drive a garbage truck when I was a little girl.
Heck yeah, me too, I loved Pokemon as a kid! Going to see Pokemon the Movie....way more excited about that movie than any Disney movie. Pokemon Master beats Disney Princess
I wanna be the very best / that no one ever waaaas
You are my hero, I feel less terrible that I was the only girl I knew in my childhood who wanted to be a MECH PILOT, of all things.
Waaaiiit... Combine Pokemon Master and cat; don't you get something like Cat Lady! Master of Meow, Lady of Licking and Queen of the Catnip! With Dominion over All Things Feline you could conceivably conquer the whole of Ohio! Sorry, my brain likes merging things.
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ReplyThat article should be put in the hands of all the 12 years old girls who still want to be princesses. They need help figuring out what they'd have to give up -as well as the risks they are taking- when basing their entire lives on this ambition. As a little girl, I wavered between wanting to join Tsahal (the Israeli Army), becoming an archeologist, and becoming a veterinarian. I'm none of those: My military service was done for the US Army and, before retiring, I taught French to College kids.
ReplyThanks for your service, and the awesome She-Hulk Avatar I stole from you.
There's actually two males in the pride in The Lion King. Or does Scar not count? He could have been Nala's father. Not that cousin is any better. Also, I like the second Lion King. Only good Disney sequel.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Replies[Removed - accidental double-post.]
Scar's not Nala's father. In the second movie Kira makes reference to it, when talking about how the young male (forget his name) is essentially Scar's heir.
do you mean Kovu? Kovu wasn't even Scar's son, so there's always the question of how the heck he ended up being born... Maybe random males come around once every few years and have a rapefest
They could have just left... I'm pretty sure real lions do that. Simba just happens to have a big rock and a monkey.
I liked the sequel for Lilo and Stitch...
ReplyAs far as I know, weren't there two sequels?
Am I the only girl here who wanted to be a princess when she was young? ... and still secretly does?
ReplyI'm sure we could nitpick every 'princess' film- along with every children's film; television show; book; etc.- however, I don't think children really pick up on the lessons such as incest, way too short of courting periods, and such. I think the children who we are concerned about being influenced by such things are just focusing on the pretty dresses and singing animals, to be honest... I know I am :3
duh. thats why they are saying it sucks. its superficial and a terrible role model, the way they are presented in the disney movies. thats the whole point of this article.
"What girl doesn't dream she's secretly a princess? None!"
ReplyHey, that's not true! I didn't... I thought all the princesses were little bitches. Then again, I turned out gay.
The 2nd TLK movie was actually pretty good, a lot darker than the first one. The third one...eh, nobody cares about that one.
ReplyI always wanted to be Jasmine. ): I've wanted to be a lot of things. But how can you NOT want to be a princess?
ReplyYou could not want to be a princess, because they do almost nothing. They have to do royal stuff, when really just being rich would be better. That way you can relax in a yacht while wearing a monacle, with a british accent. (That's what rich people are like, right?!) And then intriguing things would happen, and money.
Princess? Nah. I wanted to be a pirate. Or a werewolf. Or a werewolf pirate.
Replyf**k yeah!
The Hunchback of Notre Dame II was blasphemy.
ReplyUhh... yes. It's a standard that every Disney sequel should be like that.