Clash Of The Titans
'Clash of the Titans' is a classic half-stop animated film made in 1981 that was recently remade as 'Transformers 2' with a Kraken instead of a Constructicon ...
Just The Facts
- 'Clash of the Titans' is based on the myth of Perseus, a Greek god who was raised a man.
- The first 'Clash' had a sexy naked Andromeda; the remake has Liam Neeson playing a half-cyborg Zeus
- The remake's trailers and posters feature such original taglines as "Titans Will Clash" and "The Clash Begins"
Cracked on the Clash
Before we delve into the specifics of the original movie and the remake, let's first get down the basic story of the myth so we can see how each films approached it. Okay. So. King Acrisius learns of a prophecy that says when his daughter Danae gives birth, he will die. Since he is a self-centered jagoff, he locks his daughter away from society to lengthen his own life. However, he forgot that Zeus, king of the gods, loved his pussy young. When he saw poor little defenseless Danae over there, he decided she was practically begging for his godcock, and then knocks her up. Needless to say, Acrisius was pretty shocked. We imagine their awkward discussion would have gone something like this:
Zeus became a fan of "Being a Dick and Getting Away With it"
So Acrisius, wanting to still be king, decides to send his pregnant daughter and her (completely innocent) newborn son, Perseus, to the middle of the ocean in a wooden coffin, amidst an extremely deadly storm. This way, he figures, both of his children will die and he will get to be king. We're sure that he would have won Father of the Year if it were not for good ol' Zeus. Upset at the prospect that a man would send his own sexy daughter (and completely innocent newborn grandson) to her death, Zeus kills Acrisius on the spot.
Wait.
We all know Zeus is the king of the gods, but holy shit this guy has a good deal. He knocks up a chick and then kills her father and is still revered by mankind as the nobelest god.
I bone dem bitches and kill their pimps, yo.
By the time Perseus is all grown up, a power struggle has emerged between Hades and Zeus. Perseus makes it his mission to establish a "band of rebels" to infiltrate the ancient landscapes and the underworld to thwart Hades' attempts to take Zeus' power. You had to consider that Perseus is a pretty forgiving dude, as many guys would not go to such (if any) lengths to fight for the man (or god) that raped his mother. Like we said, Zeus gets a pretty sweet deal by being the king of Gods. And you know what they say about being the king:
It's good da be da king
Modern Updates
Like all adaptations, remakes and reboots, Clash of the Titans features some modern updates; either in terms of story progression, character development, dialogue, or references to modern pop culture. Here is a list of deviations from the original myth and 1981 fim as well as some modern updates:
- Perseus wears Crocs
- When Hades is first introduced, the song "I Gotta Feeling" is played
- Zeus is a columnist at Cracked.com
- On occasion, Perseus wil turn into an Avatar (due to Sam Worthington's lead role in both films)
- On occasion, Andromeda will turn into an Avatar (just because)
- The Kraken is heavily redesigned, looking more like a Godzilla - Mega Octopus hybrid
- Medusa has green spaghetti for hair (budget constraints)
- Every time something good or bad happens, all of the characters say "Dang, bro!"
I wish remakes would go away.
ReplyThis remake was absoloutely f*****g terrible.... I think the part of my brain linked to remembering this film killed itself to save as much of the rest of my brain as possible....
ReplyI know what you mean, as an enthusiast for mythology I was in mental anguish throughout the film for all the complete failures at historical accuracy. It was awful.
I said release the Charlie Sheen and I released myself after I had snorted some Charlie Sheen.
ReplyWinning? WINNING!
I'd rather they remade Age of Mythology than "insert movie remake here."
ReplyThis. Totally. Best game of 2002, easily.
The first one was better. It had nudity, it had humour, it even had acting.
ReplyDid I mention nudity, that's what I missed about it the most.
Think Tarantino would've done a better job.
Not saying the remake was bad, just that it could've been better
Retarded points about the movie: Medusa being an Archer and the Kraken being a Greek monster.
ReplyThe original movie is a classic and this one seems so fake. At least with the stop-motion creatures there was actually SOMETHING there in the real world and not on a computer.
ReplyNot looking forward to this movie at all.
ReplyI didnt get the "Dan, bro!" part, anyone else understand?
Replyno... the whole article is weak... kinda really weak
"Dang, bro!" But with an accent.
Oh god... Just a head's up. In the "Sexy lady with a tail part." The clash of the titans 'lady' is actually a guy. It's Nicholas Hault. haha.
ReplyNo dude, the tail is the "lady" part he was referring to, which is Medusa...not the mulleted guy in the foreground.
This movie had better have Bubo the Owl or I will be sooooo pissed off!
Replyaka C3P-Owl
So Zeus is a petty, sadistic and vegenful god and is the head honcho. That sounds a lot like a biblical monotheistic god we know, LOL.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Replieslol u r insignificant
that's how we like our gods
WHAT HEAD OF A BIBLICAL MONOTHEISTIC RELIGION COULD YOU BE TALKING ABOUT
where exactly did petty come from when describing the Abrahamic God?
"So Acrisius, wanting to still be king, decides to send his pregnant daughter and her (completely innocent) newborn son, Perseus..."
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI don't get it, I thought Perseus was the son between the daughter and Zeus, but she's still pregnant?
so you're just not that bright, no biggie
@splint, one could say the same thing to you. What the OP was saying is that the girl could not be pregnant if the son was a newborn. It means she gave birth and is no longer pregnant. Or conversely the baby could not be a newborn if the mother was still pregnant.
I'm fairly sure he was pointing out the fact that it should be read "...pregnant daughter and her (completely innocent) 'unborn' son, Perseus..."... and realising this and then being called 'not bright' by someone who couldn't realise this, kind of speaks for itself.
Is it worth mentioning that Clash of the Titans doesn't feature any titans. You know the race of giants in Greek mythology who fought the gods. Just seems to me that a movie called Clash of the Titans would have a titan or two in it somewhere...like, you know clashing.
ReplyMe, I'll be looking out for Joe Strummer.
Yeah this wasn't much of a comparison of the movies. Just the trailers. It's just an awesome formula, what can I say. This movie is gonna Own regardless of this half-assed article.
ReplyJudging by the Cloverfield-Kraken in the poster I think it's safe to say which mythological creature is next to get "Twilighted."
Reply"And finally, for comic relief, maybe throw in Liam Neeson's ghost singing opera with an disinterested eagle"
ReplyLMFAO
They should write an article on how to make a formulaic article like this one.
ReplyAlso, f*****g s****y screenshots. They seriously couldn't get better ones?
It's typically not very easy to find high quality screenshots of specific scenes in a movie when it is still in theaters.
Lambent, even the ones from Transformers 2 are pretty crappy. That's been out for a while.
"However, he forgot that Zeus, king of the gods, loved his p***y young. When he saw poor little defenseless Danae over there, he decided she was practically begging for his godcock"
ReplyThat deserves a goddamn award. Funniest line I have read in recent Cracked history
this article sucked. ill say it again since my first nice comment was deleted by a cracked moderator
Reply