Cult Movies

Cult films are films that are perhaps too 'edgy' (shitty) to be mainstream, while also not 'shitty' (edgy) enough to be... well a Seagal movie. We all know at least one person who claims to be a fan of 'cult' movies, such as:

Donnie Darko.

The Big Lebowski.

Just The Facts

  1. Cult movies generally defy being penned to a single genre.
  2. A movie is a cult movie if it's fanbase is solid, but not sizeable.
  3. You cannot be a fan of 'cult' movies in the plural form. If you say you are, then you're a pretentious dick.

Why aren't they more popular?

Cult movies aren't popular, for the same reason that humans don't walk on four legs, drink milk from a saucer and scratch the fuck out of other people's laps who just want to watch some damn TV in peace. A cult film can't be popular, because that would make it something different entirely- mainstream, which isn't cool.

Just a little test. Look at the three examples up there and try and work out which is the odd one out.

The answer is 'Battle Royale', because it is the only true cult movie out of them. Donnie Darko is obscenely popular and now is mainstream. Anyone who claims it is a cult film is a pretentious dick. Anyone who refuses to watch it because it is now mainstream, is also a pretentious dick.

Donnie Darko is an awesome mindfuck of a film. The fact it is awesome has nothing to do with the fact it is a cult film or not, it is all to do with the content, the acting, the script.

The Big Lebowski was a big Hollywood release. These are NEVER cult films, because they are automatically mainstream, however, the directing and style tends to lead one to believe it is cult. It isn't. Personally, I thought it was a bit shit, too, which doesn't help, but I'm not a huge fan of the Coen brothers. Or their fans.

No, Battle Royale is a true cult hit. It has a strong fanbase and fiction behind it. You may hear of it in conversation, and you may have watched it, but you wouldn't say it was 'awesome' (unless you are a part of the fanbase itself).

It defys genre: is it action? Is it horror? Is it drama? Fuck knows, but you know what it is?

A cult movie.

Why can't I be a fan of the 'cult' genre?

Because 'cult' isn't a genre for a start. Every 'cult' movie is a 'cult' movie on it's own merit. Let me explain. If you like 'Die Hard', an action film, there is a good chance you will enjoy 'Independence Day', another action (and sci-fi) movie. Similarly, if you enjoyed Avatar, you may also enjoy watching the Smurfs while on LSD.

In gaming terms, you will probably enjoy Modern Warfare 2 if you enjoyed Halo 3 (which also means you are responsible for the shovelware bullshit now saturating the market you fucking puppet).

Now, Say you like Battle Royale, a cult film, as it's a cult film, you may enjoy, say, Gattaca another cult film (admittedly Hollywood but ssh). You may enjoy them, yeah, but not because they share a similar style. One is a sci-fi drama and the other is a jap-slash-horror-action flick.

There is nothing similar about the films, but they are both cult films. Got it? Good.

Is 'Juno' a cult film? How about xyz...

No, your'e confusing 'cult' with 'indie'. While it's true sometimes that they can overlap (Paranormal Activity, for instance, before it blew into the mainstream), they are completely different.

The Cube is a good example of this overlap, and is also a good way of explaining it. Basically, for those who don't know... google it. But basically, it was an independently funded film, thus having a tiny budget, which faded into obscurity, but now has a strong fanbase who would happily list it in their favourite films. I thought it was a little shitty, but that's the point. I'm mainstream, I don't see the appeal.

Now, another example is an indie film that started as a cult film, then became huge is 'The Blair Witch Project'. A bunch of students did it off their own backs, it got a bit of a following going, growing fanbase (see where I'm going here?) making it both indie, because it was independently made, and cult, because of the small hardcore following, until a big-wig got a sniff, smelt money and bought it, shoved it in cinemas and then it became mainstream.

I want to get into cult movies, where should I start?

At the beginning of this article, because you clearly haven't understood anything I've said.

Why isn't this article funny?

Because I'm not funny, deal with it.

Ok, but how abou...

No, shut it. I've had enough of you, guy, stop asking so many fucking questions, okay? I have a cult move for you right here, it's a home tape of me porking your mom, with a hard following, that being my hard dick following her rectal passage.