Home Alone

You probably didn't realize just how identical these two movies were. Something else you might not know: 'Home Alone' is empirically better than 'Die Hard.' Don't believe us?

Sorry, Alan Rickman.  You're no Wet Bandit.

Just The Facts

  1. Home Alone was made in 1990 by John Hughes, who also made 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' and 'The Breakfast Club'
  2. It is the highest-grossing live action comedy of all time.
  3. 'Home Alone' is also chock-full of important life lessons for kids:

What Kids Can Learn from Home Alone

Dealing With Parents

Are your parents inexplicably annoyed with you, despite the fact that you're clearly much more awesome than they are? Not to worry - just hide from them for about a week. By the time you finally see them again, they'll be so distraught that they'll actually apologize to you. Caution: may not work with terrible parents.

baddad

Like, say, this guy.

Criminals

Mostly bungling idiots, they can be defeated by the average 10-year-old. It's astonishing the amount of money that police officers get; it's almost as though they think that criminals are somehow dangerous.

smoothcrim

Note to Macaulay Culkin: Smooth criminals, on the other hand, should never be approached by 10-year-olds.

Guns

You have these. Bad guys do not, as they prefer to use crowbars. You will never ever ever be shot.

freeman

Then again, if you put that crowbar in the right hands...

Fire

Not nearly as dangerous as everyone says it is. If sprayed onto a man's head, it will merely burn his hat off and make him look funny. Try this out on your friends today!

harry fire

Pictured: an excellent, non-lethal idea.

Creepy Old Men

Don't let their creepiness fool you: These are just sad people in need of someone to listen to them. Make sure you talk to them when literally no one else is around. This will definitely not result in you winding up dead inside their trunk several weeks later, because that would be silly.

creeper

He probably just needs a hug.

High Art

No matter how many art classes you take, at some level you will always regard this painting as "That one scene from Home Alone, you know, with the aftershave."

Edvard. What a stupid name that is.

Also, you will always laugh at the name "Edvard Munch"