Law Against Suicide

Since time immemorial, people have done crazy stuff like killing themselves and making stupid laws. This brings the two together in a blaze of bullshit.

Equally Fucked-Up Laws In Equally Fucked-Up Countries


In a state of Australia, suicide is no longer a crime. So if you want to blow your head off, come on over! Maybe they'll put that in their tourism brochure. "Hey Come To Australia! We Won't Put You In Jail After We Scrape You Off The Sidewalk!"

Apart from that load of dingoshit(Look! I'm culturally sensitive!) there's the other laws. You can't help somebody to commit suicide or tell somebody to commit suicide. No, not even if he's a complete douchebag. And the law allows you to use any force necessary to stop somebody from committing suicide. So . . . does that mean I can kill someone if they're trying to kill themself? They're still dead but, hey, AT LEAST THEY DIDN'T KILL THEMSELVES.

England and Wales:

Suicide and attempted suicide are legal. YEEAAAA! So don't have a WHALE. HA HA HA ha ha. . . hehe. . . OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD . . . I JUST MADE A PUN! DON'T LOOK AT ME! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. . . . . . . . .

We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties

Sorry for the mental breakdown there. Anyway back to the article.


Attempted suicide is perfectly legal. Probably because some drunk bastard tries it every other minute. I'm guessing it's just attempted because of the fact that people who are drunk are notoriously unable to hold a razor/gun steady. They're also unable to walk up to the roof so they can jump off the edge and play with leprechauns in Irish heaven.


You can't keep on humiliating somebody until they commit suicide. No, not even if it's Khrushchev. Everything else is legal because, hey, they already gave up communism, why try and enforce any laws?


Lots of states still list suicide and attempted suicide as a felony. Never got that. Are they going to send your remains to jail? What in the hell is the point of that? Then there's attempted suicide. After you fail at killing yourself, which makes you feel like an even bigger screw-up, instead of buying you a beer or a lap-dance or doing SOMETHING that might make you want to live, they chuck you into prison. Nice plan.

Sometimes the family sues he caregiver for not giving the dead guy enough care. Dude, he was gonna kill himself anyway. They're just looking for someone to blame. "He killed himself because the hospital didn't give him enough JELLO! Oh, and I abused him as a child, but it's not my fault at ALL."

Then there are those who say choosing how you die is a matter of your rights.Dude, it's totally cool if you kill yourself.

The Founding Fathers: Dude, it's totally cool if you kill yourself.

Hell, they might actually make it legal. Which could start up whole new industries.

Coming Soon To A Street Corner Near You!

Coming Soon To A Street Corner Near You!