Dawn of War 2

a long long time a ago in this galexy a game built to make a table top game nurdyer was created

the truth from the man himself

(inquisition report to Games Workshop about affordability - execute him)

Just The Facts

  1. war hammer 40k is a nurds game
  2. making it a computer game only served to depive more kids of human contact
  3. the first one wasent a great hit the second is the same

game mechanics

A Warhammer 40K game except the computer takes care of all the numbers, measuring, and imagining that the little figures can sprint screaming and rip each other up with chainsaws because they SPRINT SCREAMING AND RIP EACH OTHER UP WITH CHAINSAWS.

Characters and items have stats and numbers and +30% to range modifiers to keep the fans happy, but it all boils down to "See that big giant guy who yells about murdering space itself and carries a gun the size of his teammates? Don't send him scouting." This makes it a much better game.

no more messing around with AP- and number of attacks, now you've got items like "The Ork-Smashing Hammer of Antiork the Ork-killer, +50% against Orks." Orks in the next level? Maybe take the hammer!

The Races


Space Elves, and anyone who says differently has an extraordinarily specific view of a tall agile graceful long-lived arrogant species which views humanity as a short-lived, stupid stain upon the worlds. They are slightly different: they use guns to fire pointy things into other races instead of bows, and because they've got an entire galaxy instead of a single vaguely medieval world, they're exponentially smugger.

There guns are what you would get if you tried through out the ages to stay as female as you could, as in there guns are generally weak and slender. The only guns with any sort of effect are the one with ether big guys behind them or just big nozzles for more energy.

I'm going to grand the races on a scale of 1 to 10 to say how easy it is to use them, this army is a 9. You can't just send in the Calvary and win you need to make sure they are all happy and dandy before you even think of killing.


the only way to describe the Orks is to think of rugby players (or any other of those homo erotic sports), but green skin, holding guns and hammers the size of a small car.

This race with an average IQ sitting some where between a kid with fresh dear slug in the brain and George bush, they are the kind of race that will run in screaming something that sounds like Beorks new album wanting to rip the heads off the people in front of them and reattach them through the ass (also an effect of Beorks new album).

On a scale of 1 to 10, this army would be a 6. Their units are more, you green Norwegians go here and rape the local army's, while these other ones go here and start building shit. Or in other words not tactics needed just point and click.

amimal smash


This race that would be close to modern day USA, nobody really thinks for them selves and they like to rip apart smaller enemies. The units in this army include the Ripper Swarm, Hormagaunt Brood, Termagant Brood, Warrior Brood, Spore Mines, Lictor, Zoanthrope, Carnifex nad Ravener Brood. If you haven't seen the pattern yet its kind of looks like these things are big scary monsters, something similar to Amy winehouse with out her make up on.

This is the kind of race that will fire their young at you if it would slow you down for a second. The only interesting thing is that they work on a horde basis. (For those out there who have a life) this means that they don't have individual minds but that have one mind working the whole army. This is the same system taken up by all the fans of both the Jonas brothers and metro station.

On a scale of 1 to 10 this race is like the orks except easyer, they have a 5. For them it is really just get as amny of the units and send them to an area and wait to see weather they are win or get mowed down by the guns.

Space Marines

Space marines are humans in future who decided that faggyest thing they could do was, mess with genetics, worship a brain dead man and act like they are the best thing that came to the galaxy since sliced bread. Their average solder is a man oh for some reason has many, many organs and is wearing a big metal suit(basically just a tank melted down pored in to the mould of a man) with guns, which are not only the size of a small car but fire bullets the size of Beork herself after a huge lard binge.

They are the Americans of the universe, thinking that for one they are the best race out there but also that they have the right to tell every one what to do. They use cars and tanks the size of a 3 bed room house in Dublin and their cannons can go straight through planets with ease.

On a scale of 1 to 10, they are a 3 at leased with other army's you have to consider what the units are best at. With these guys you give every one a gun and say stand here till I return. (The fun part is they will stand there and die from hunger if you never did return).