Disco Clothing

Disco Clothing is a fashion trend of the'70s known for garish outfits of polyester or spandex, and making John Travolta a sexual icon. Neither of these are forgiveable.

ABBA, looking extrodinarially Kubrickesque, were major influences of both fashion, and spontaneous eye bleeding.

Sadly, this picture was taken 3 days ago.

Just The Facts

  1. Fashion was inspired by the dancing, which was inspired by the music, which was inspired the drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.
  2. Outfits included, but were not limited to, platform shoes, leisure suits, hot pants, and sweaty chest hair.
  3. As awful as the '80s were, the turn of the decade was a welcome change.
  4. Disco Clothing is making a comeback. Fuck.

The Platform Shoe

Platform shoes, also known as Disco Boots, have a long and storied past that nobody would give a fuck about, except they've historically been worn by hookers, automatically making them an interesting topic of conversation. 16th century Venetian prostitues wore variations of them, as did Japanese Geishas, proving...we don't know, something cultural? In the United States, the platform shoe began its reign of ankle-breaking terror in the early 70's. Since the 70's really made no fucking sense, they were a huge fashion statement.

Literally, they were huge.

An interesting, and somewhat bullshit statistic that lacks any credible source, is that the platform shoe can single handedly (footedly?) increase the chance of ankle injury by an estimated 63%.

Luckily for our foot-hinges, the 70's didn't last long (roughly the same length as any other decade) and 80's fashion kicked in. Thus, the sneaker was born, knocking the platform shoe off its pedestal, probably causing a fracture of some sort. Unable to cope with its fleeting affair with popularity, the platform shoe was believed to have commited suicide.

Because no suicide note was found, conspiracy theorists claimed the clown mafia was responsible.

Until this happened:

Muuuust....Haaaave.....Feeeeeet! (preferably in a size 7, please)

The Leisure Suit

Arguably the most iconic staple of the 70's, the leisure suit consists of matching ployester sports jacket, slacks, and vest. How the word "leisure" came to describe this trio of travesty continues to perplex historians to this day, mainly because relaxing in fifteen pounds of double-knit polyester is like resisting the Borg: an excercise in futility.

Not Pictured: Picard's polyester; exposed chest hair.

Nevertheless, the men not only "lounged", but they danced, often at the price of third degree burns on their inner thigh and arpit regions. In one extreme case, a gentleman was doing the Hustle when his exposed coif of pectoral curlies went up like the Hindenburg.

Irrevocably, this era of double-knit disaster has influenced the threads some people don to this very day. Take, for example, "The Full Cleveland." The "Full Cleveland" refered to a gentleman (read: pimp) who wore a three piece leisure suit complete with white belt and white shoes. Sadly, this trend lives on. We see it on the golf course, which is excuseable because golfers have a reputation for always wearing horrid shit. Unless your day job requires a caddy and a nine iron, this is unacceptable.

Also, pull your shoes up.

Sociologists will probably argue for centuries to come if anything good has ever come out of the leisure suit, and that answer, most obviously, is "Fuck Yes!"

People's exhibit A:

Leisure Suit Larry circa 1986, still getting his swerve on.

Hot pants

The Hot Pants of the '70s were neither 'hot', nor 'pants'. In fact, they were the exact opposite. However, they are living proof that evolution in fashion exists. Observe:

Notice the lacking hotness. Also, they are not pants.

Reprehensibly hideous,no? Observe further, the modern day hot pant:

Still not pants, a fact trumped by the drastic increase in hotness.

See? Progress! Fuck you Glen Beck.

On a side note:

Wonder Sauna Hot Pants: Reducing your waist and dignity since 1971!

The Comeback

If there is anything American history has shown us, it's that we rarely learn from our mistakes.

And that we make "funny" tee shirts commemorating our blunders.

Couple that with G. K. Chesterton's commentary that "there are no new ideas", and you will come to the conclusion that American culture is cyclical and is destined to repeat itself, until those pesky Grammaton Cleric's come and do away with that nonsense.

This makes sense to us, what with all the shitty remakes and reboots that Hollywood studios have been shoving down our throats. Music is no different. Since the prevalence of digital manipulation, no classic genre of music has been safe from resampling. Recognizing that fashion trends are often influenced by music, a logical conclusion would be the resurgence of past fashion trends.

Of course, well all know that Disco is dead, and unless there are some soft of Disco Zombies we don't know about, there is no way that...

HOLY...oh. Damnit, Madonna! We thought you were...

ACKSPLURT! Disco Zombie. RUN!