Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse is an English singer-song writer known for her soulful voice and apparently there is some talk of her being involved with drugs, but we just cant picture it.

Oh wait.

Well don't you like the smell of talcum powder officer?

Just The Facts

  1. She is an accomplished musician with countless hits to her name.
  2. She is an even more accomplished drug connisseur, with countless holes to her veins.
  3. She has a beehive, which cannot be determined if was the cause of the drugs, or caused by the drugs.
  4. One of the few people on the planet to share a surname and liver description.
  5. Jumped the grand canyon during a coke binge, only afterwards did she realise she left her motorcycle at home.
  6. Rumored contents of beehive include; control panel for an army of drug crazed bees, yeast, thoughts.
  7. Was possibly conceived when Lord Voldemort fucked Diana Ross in the porno we're writing.

Englands Rose

Amy Winehouse came to the attention of the public after the release of her debut album Frank in 2003. Her contralto vocals and jazz stylings winning her a sleuth of fans as well as critical acclaim, you know from jazz types with the beards and glasses. Controversy followed the release of her second album as rumours of a drug problem soon followed. Yes thats right kids Amy Winehouse is involved with drugs so stay away, we know she might try to lure you in with her melodic voice and glamorous looks but she is a bad lady, trust us.

Dont tempt us with that enticing smile you enchantress!

With the release of her second album Back to Black Winehouse gained two things (unfortunately not a make up compact and dentist) 1) a huge hit with Rehab, and 2) a husband who watched her go to rehab. Her new husband Blake Fielder-Civil (now divorced) was a controversial figure with a passion for heroin and big ol' hair, and was desribed as anything from a fuckstick to a cocksniffer. He also proved his fuckstick credentials by being sent to prison for perverting the course of justice and grievious bodily harm, athough to be fair he did inflict both of these crimes on himself regularly by sleeping with his wife.

Winehouse is currently husband and rehab free and has taken to sunning herself in the tropical paradise of St. Lucia, this is apparently to free herself from the temptations of drugs and rid herself of those vampire rumours.

I fucking love jam!


Side effects of drugs include incomprehensble warbling and smelling like puke on a wet dog.

Amy Winehouses drug problem was so bad that it was once a regular sight to see her walking around in the middle of the night semi-clothed, bleeding and dishevelled (just like a tuesday morning at the cracked offices). Now we could point out that the very tabloids that ran headlines begging her to get help were the same ones that were photogrophing her during this time instead of you know helping her, but we are actually genuinely impressed by her ability to function whilst having a blood alcohol level comparable only to gin. Heroin, crack cocaine, McDonalds, ecstasy and lets face it, the semen of anybody in London with beer goggles have all passed through her system but somehow they have managed to peel her from the ceiling and got her recording a new album, which she wants to sing it in a St. Lucian dialect. Whilst we have problems with English after what we've put our minds (livers) through. After all though, we all know the best music has been written whilst being high as a fucking rocket kite fired off a roof by a giraffe on stilts. The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Hannah Montana, The Doors, all of them too wasted to get out of the chair there in to shit or throw up but still produced critically acclaimed albums. Would punk rock have existed without cheap drugs? Would we have Bob Marley without the weed, or the Jonas brothers without crystal meth? So we raise a glass (of liquid ecstasy, cold medicine, horse laxative and rum, cocktail name: The (brown) eye opener) to you Miss Winehouse, shine on you crazy fucking diamond.

Amy had a wonderful evening with the dark crystal (meth).