Def Leppard

Def Leppard is a band from England who were popular in the 80s. Nowadays they are reduced to co-headlining tours with other forgotten bands like Styx, Journey, and Whitesnake. We can all agree that this is a definite step downward.

Although it has been argued for centuries as to whether drummers are more disadvantaged by lack of an arm, or lack of a head. Hiiii-yo!
Although it has been argued for centuries as to whether drummers are more disadvantaged by lack of an arm, or lack of a head. Hiiii-yo!

Just The Facts

  1. Def Leppard's decrease in popularity was coincident with the alcohol-fueled death of founding guitarist Steve Clark. So, that's fun.
  2. No, seriously, the drummer only has one arm.
  3. Despite being British, the band clearly learned how to spell in Kansas.

Let's Get Rocked

The members of Def Leppard all met at their school in England in 1977; the youngest member recruited, the drummer Rick Allen, was only 15. Within ten years they were world-wide superstars and rich beyond their imaginings. Meanwhile, your high school band played three birthday parties and broke up in your junior year because you couldn't agree on who should sing lead on your cover of "We're Not Going To Take It." (It should so obviously have been you.)

In a span of three years the band released three albums, quite impressive when you realize that today's bands can easily spend three years just wasting their advance money on caviar-covered hookers. Though they had built a fan base in their homeland, success in America was slightly slower. Their third album, Pyromania, was the first to gain real mainstream attention, and not just because it was named after the coolest derangement ever: it had more burning hot singles than a nightclub on fire.

Seriously. Pyromania was the second best-selling album in America in 1983, with over six million copies sold. You know what was number one? Thriller, by Michael "Pretty Young Thing" Jackson. You know what kind of balls it takes to go up against Michael Jackson?

It takes the kind of balls that aren't afraid to wear white leather and a studded collar.

Headin' For A Heartbreak--nah, just kidding, everything's cool actually

New Year's Eve, 1984: Like many of us who have had too much to drink on New Years Eve, Rick Allen drove off of a highway and through a stone wall. Unlike many of us, he was in a Corvette, and he lost his left arm. The jury is still out as to which loss most people would consider greater.

Despite what would appear to be a career-changing injury--like a sommelier losing their sense of taste, or your mom having her jaw wired shut--Allen did not lose hope, and his bandmates never considered finding a new drummer. Along with his physical rehabilitation, Allen worked on learning how to drum with only one arm. This process was helped along by the creation of a customized electronic drum kit, which helped him immeasurably. Your mother, unfortunately, has no such help.

It took a few years for their next album to be released, but the wait was worth it: Hysteria ended up being more popular than dexedrine at a fat camp. Eventually seven singles were released from the album, including such rock radio staples as "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and "Love Bites." (The concept of rock radio, however, is beyond the scope of this topic. Ask your parents.)

So what happened? How did a band that was so tremendously popular--over sixteen million copies of Hysteria alone have been sold--disappear from the public view?

Really, you should know this one already.

Legacy

Def Leppard is considered to be one of the primary bands of the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, along with bands like Motorhead and Iron Maiden. This is, of course, ridiculous. In the bands heyday, fans of Def Leppard spanned all colors, genders, and hairstyles (or at least hairstyles typical of the late eighties). The vast majority of Heavy Metal fans, meanwhile, are widely known to be white males, either rail-thin or over 250 pounds, with so much hair they could supply a Locks of Love chapter in perpetuity. [citation needed]

Def Leppard is still going; they tour constantly and release albums every couple of years. In 2006 they released Yeah!, an album of covers meant to pay tribute to all of the great hard rock bands that paved the way for them. It includes tracks by Thin Lizzy, Badfinger, the... Electric Light Orchestra... and... Mott the Hoople?

Seriously? Mott the Hoople? ELO? Jesus Christ. This band sucks.