A Day In The Life Of Leon Kennedy

The world of Resident Evil sure is fucked up. Many take it as entertainment in it's purest form (video-games), but for Leon Kennedy, it's all too real.


Just The Facts

  1. Leon Kennedy is one of the protaganists in Resident Evil 2 and the main protaganist in Resident Evil 4
  2. He likes strolls through the city, a refreshing beer in the evening and tactically slaughtering spanish villagers
  3. Leon Kennedy doesn't run from Zombies. Zombies run from Leon Kennedy!

The Diary Of Leon Kennedy

The following takes place over an unclear period of time. The entries were found in typewriters located in Spain. We're not sure where in Spain, the GPS started acting up. We're thinking of taking it back to the shop, we have the receipt, so it shouldn't be that much of a hassle.

January 11th 2005 - 05:00:13

Turns out this mission's going to be easier than I anticipated. I've arrived in Spain. Not sure where exactly, I wasn't driving, but the two guys I was with wouldn't say. I should report them. I'm not really sure what to expect, so I've packed my pistol and some ammo. It seems a bit dull here really.


Holy fucking shit! These europeans sure are crazy. Some asshole just attacked me with an axe. I guess he didn't like the picture I showed him. No offence Mr President, but your daughter looks like a monkey. I'm pretty sure I'd have the same reaction if I didn't have training!


Heading towards the main village, pretty sure something big is going down. Some more people arrived and started charging me. Albeit, they were walking rather slowly, but I'd still call it a charge, they had their weapons raised and everything. I tried to talk things out, but shouting and gesturing didn't help, so I just took them out. I'm sure they were hostile. Sort of.

Ciertamente, joven, yo estaria feliz de ayudar (Certainly, young man, I'd be happy to help)


Had to wipe out the village. Again, raising my voice didn't help. They just stared at me. Running low on ammo. This had better be fucking worth it. If she's dead, I'm suing the US government! Found some red and green herbs. They smell odd, but I'm betting they'd be great in a casserole.


FUCK YOU EUROPE! This is bullshit! Some creepy guy just flashed me and sold me a gun. Is this the european gun store? Is this how they do business? Fucking stupid. Met a guy called Luis or Louise or something. He looked like a dick and talked like a dick. Nevermind, time to move on.




Okay, just explored this...fucking lake! Had to kill what I can only describe as a sharks retard baby! Seriously, it was just a mouth! JUST A MOUTH! And it kept going for my fucking boat! I'm quitting if I live through this shit! Feeling a little tired, I'm going to have a nap, even if I am just in a small log cabin with no exterior defences.


Feeling a little bit refreshed. Going to head back to the church that was originally locked. Lucky this key was here that has "CHURCH KEY" written on the side of it. Herbs are now taking up space in my bag, considering eating them. No sense in throwing them away, it's unlikely that I'll find anything edible here.


Met Hank (I'm going to call him Hank, he looked like a Hank). Not sure what they did to Hank, but he was a fucking giant. Seriously, the guy made Robert Wadlow look like a midget! Had to put him down. With bullets.


Okay, the church is up ahead. Considering everything that's happened so far, maybe I should be cautious. Then again, where's the fun in that? Tried some of the herbs I found earlier. Sure makes this job a lot easier, I can see colours in the air now. Nothing can get past me in this state!


Oh man, this is fuckin awesome. Just, fuck, you know. Oh man! This is fuckin awesome!


Found Ashley. She looks even more like a monkey up close than she does in the photo! She also seems to be incapable of avoiding psychos/monsters/traps/explosives/walls/everything! It's like I'm accompanying a drugged sheep through a swamp, she's a fucking liability!

It's the ears. We're sure of it


Just met a guy calling himself Osmund Saddler (stupid name, not manly like Leon). Seem's like a bit of a tool, but he reminds me of Grandpa Kennedy, so I can't be too mad at him. He said something about "plagas" or "plagos", I'm not sure, his accent was un-american and therefore unintelligible.


After talking to Ashley, who can understand these people, it turns out that we're infected with a parasite. That sucks.


Met Luis again. Helped him hold off some of these spanish people. Where the hell do they keep coming from? It's like fucking mordor here! Once we'd finished, Luis fucked off somewhere. I don't know where he keeps going, I must look into it. He might be working for them. Time for some detective-ing.


Just met Hanks brother. Or dad. He had a beard, so I think he was his dad. So now, we're heading down into this canyon. Just have to jump on the awesome gondola here and we're on our way. I'm sure nothing bad's waiting down there for us.


What the fuck just happened? Rasputin attacked me and grew new arms! Then he started swinging around the room like a god damn monkey! Why am I always dealing with this shit? It's constant! I can never have a calm mission, like infiltration of a hot country, you know, with sunny weather and shit! Somewhere like Africa!


I can't believe I've been in this shithole for three fucking hours! Ugh! Anyway, there seems to be a castle of sorts up ahead, after a bit of a rest, we're going to head there. Looks like a safe place.