7 Things No One Should Approve Of...Ever.

Society changes constantly. Culture changes every generation. Yet there are some things which are universally unacceptable, raping your eyes and mind into a deadly rage.

They are not all this obvious

Just The Facts

  1. Unacceptable behavior is a cultural trait, being defined by the culture you are in. Sadly, lack of culture is now endemic.
  2. The following are the only globally recognised none-acceptables we have found in the 5 minutes of research we did on websites which support our preconcieved opinions.
  3. Tolerance is a virtue - that is seemingly never acceptable anywhere. Ever.

Rip - Offs

Ripping someone off is an ancient, and universally disapproved off, behavior. If you are incompetent enough to get caught at it that is. Otherwise it is "trebles all round and fuck the shareholders," AKA business as usual.


We don't give a monkey's how cute her ass is. Give us our $10 and two hours back. Now.

Found in all cultures, but particularly bad in the decadent capitalist West where they curiously fail to make the punishment fit the crime. It is such a universal aspect of society that you can probably name 20 (damn Microsoft) examples (fucking Gamespot) without (Starbucks pisswater) even (Goddamn Wall Street traitors) trying.

Why is it Unacceptable?

Now, we are not anti capitalist - we write dick jokes for money here after all - but charging all the traffic will bear for something that really isn't worth it really is a bit of a dick move. Because, what will happen?

Someone will undercut you. They will produce the same tat you do for under half the price - and sell it for three quarters the price. Your choice is to either cut costs - which you can't - or cloak yourself in patriotic slogans and still lose money. Congratulations - you have just helped kill an economy. And your company.

Subliminal Advertising

For the two of you who live under a rock somewhere in Utah, subliminal messages are messages below the threshold of perception, that work straight on your subconscious mind. Tinfoil hats do not stop them - and advertisers use them everywhere.

Look at this a moment - really look. Now how do you feel?

Do you feel interested? Uncomfortable? Why? If you honestly cannot see the subliminal message, please click on the picture for a detailed analysis. Oh - and if it made you feel uncomfortable, chances are your parents are going to have no grandchildren to spoil. Maybe you should let them know before Mom spends all that time setting you up with suitable girls.

Why is it Unacceptable?

Come on, jerk - get your mind off the picture already. They are messing with our heads, man!

Advertising already uses every possible means to attract your attention - but you have the option to ignore them. Subliminals you cannot ignore because you do not really see or hear them in the first place! If your product is so shitty that you need to basically brainwash people into buying it - maybe you should try making a better product instead?

WTF? There is a conspiracy? So they were right? Oh, shit!

Queue Jumping

In America, the idea of orderly queuing without being told to is a slightly exotic concept. Fun enough when going out for Sunday brunch, where the excitement of actually having to wait adds to the anticipation, but not suited to the cut and thrust of modern life.

You colonials, always so literal

Abroad, however, queuing is a way of life and part of the natural order of things. Part politeness, part habit, and part a natural way of preventing a crowded populace from going feral and eating their own children, queuing is a deadly serious aspect of world culture. And queue jumping is considered worthy of the death penalty.

The queues for Avatar are a model of order.

Why is it Unacceptable?

Why? Did you not just read the above paragraph? Do you think the US is the only culture on the planet? Laugh all you wish at the quaint customs foreigners have, but never, ever try to queue jump. In the UK it will get you a hail of equal parts spittle and bad teeth. In germany it will get you sodomised [citation needed]. In China you just get shot, to a round of gentle applause and the occasional involuntary bowel movement..

Reality TV

Oh fuck, do we have to explain why this shit is an abortion in the eyes of both God and man.

See the jerk in the middle? They forgot the bullet. That we would pay serious money to see.

OK, let us lay aside the fact that reality TV is totally fake, and it is only there to revive flagging D list careers and insult the intelligence of anyone above flatworm level. Much like politicians in an off season election, they want your money. Your opinions get flushed straight down the nearest crapper.

Hey - there are exceptions to every rule

Why is it Unacceptable?

How much does your opinion count on one of these shows? Phone now to vote and enrich the producers. We really don't care how you spend your money or your time - donkey porn is a valid art form after all - but this shit cheapens two of the fundamental liberties. Do you really want the Presidential elections in 2024 to be based on how well he sings and deals with criticism from a has been and two never have been's?

Actually - forget this one, it sounds a pretty neat way to pick a president. And cheaper than the present version.

Dressing up Pets

Classic displacement behavior. And fucking horrible.

Left: Just fucking wrong Right:The opposite works though.

Oh for fucks sake, grow up and get a life, or admit you are a miserable failure as a human being. You have a pet. It is not a fucking baby or a stand in for a meaningful relationship with a human being. And they really fucking hate you for it.

You are so fucking dead. You have to sleep sometime.

Why it is Unacceptable?

In a world where personal dignity is in short supply (see Walmart, TSA and IRS) anything that reduces the dignity of a living being is fucking stupid. You, the dick that dresses up your iguana - we don't care about. you, you have no dignity, life or value anyway.

All pets want is to shed on your clothes, be fed and cuddled, and shit uncontrollably over every surface. They are really not interested in being a surrogate for your lack of social skills or life outside your duplex. Live with it.

Aging Playboys

Look, we are not talking about a young, attractive(ish) starlet who marries an 80 year old millionaire here. That happens far too often, and at least the guy usually dies happy. Very quickly, but happy. We are talking about the slimy old fossils who hog our nations young women.

Children of the Corn: DD edition

It is just an affront. Thousands of decent dudes without a hot date. Tens of thousands of Cracked readers without any date. Some guy with megabucks, an 80's wardrobe and no mirror walks off with all the birds. Not acceptable.

Just to show - anything you Yanks can do, the Brits can do even less tastefully

Why is it Unacceptable?

Well. You really need to ask? You are either a sexless freak, or pussy whipped (lucky bastard). Yes, this one seems to be pure envy - and judge not, lest you be castrated by a horde of 6" heels running towards the nearest playboy.

Actually, we are talking about commodification of women. Last time we looked, women were not being traded on Wall Street. They are not commodities, as any man who has tried to own one will reluctantly admit through his bandages. The sad gimps who try treat them as such should be quietly ignored. They fucking hate that.

Sexualisation of Children

Kids are kids. They should be allowed to play - not act out their parents fantasies.

If you don't think this is wrong - take a seat over there. Someone will be along to kick your balls in a moment.

We are all drawing numbers. And may be some time.