Boob Jobs

Since their advent, in the impossible year of 1895, boob jobs have sparked the imagination and desires of both men and women. But what do people really see in them?

Reality, always the party pooper

Just The Facts

  1. Breast augmentations are the top surgical cosmetic procedure in the U.S., with over 355.000 of them being performed in 2008 alone
  2. When it comes to implant materials, the market is divided between silicone and saline, both being subject to an ongoing debate regarding their safety and efficiency
  3. Besides the usual risks, as rupture, leakage and auto-immune responses to the implants, studies have also shown there is a significant link between breast augmentation and various mental disorders

The unbelievable history

Boob perfection has probably been of utmost importance to human civilization since the dawn of time. However, humanity had to wait until a very cool guy, Vincenz Czerny, came along in 1895 and performed the first breast augmentation surgery using some fat collected from the very patient. If using the patient's fat seems like a pretty normal option to you, then you'll have a hard time understanding why the next pioneers of boob enlargement chose to diss that whole "sane options" thing and go for materials ranking from plain stupid to "what-in-the-name-of-God-were-you-smoking" stupid: ivory, glass balls and wool, to name just a few.

While the modern silicone and saline implants might seem more on the "sane" side, they're not necessarily on the "safe" side too. As a matter of fact, researches have shown that bacteria and mold can grow in saline implants. If you're now imagining boobs growing some hairy green mold on them, we're probably on the same level of mind sickness. Don't think silicone implants are much safer, either. Although it hasn't been officially proven, there is a significant amount of suspicion that the platinum that is used as a catalyst in silicone implant production might poison the patient. Be advised.

Boob jobs today

In 2008, breast enlargement overcame liposuction as the most popular cosmetic surgery in the US. If we were to take that as a steady trend, one might imagine that being slim is starting to be less important than having big boobs. Being the superficial media brain-washed people that we are, we'd hate to imagine what tomorrow's woman may look like.

We like to call them airbags

Several studies show that women who have breast implants are three to six times more likely to die by suicide, and have a similar increased risk of death as a result of drug use or alcoholism. Researchers believe that women who already have an inclination towards psychological problems are more likely to get a boob job in the first place. Where does that leave us? Well, if you secretly wish for a partner with big, perfect, artificial boobs, you might want to think twice. If you already have a partner that is getting a boob job/has gotten a boob job... let's just say you're pretty much heading towards a whole new relationship, full of steamy passion and also full of psycho. Just so you know.

Psycho is the new perfect