Jim Morrison

-Under Construction-You know that whole "crazy rockstar" thing that the kids love so much these days? Yeah. Jim Morrison invented that shit...then he had sex with it, and wrote a poem about it...

Too many drugs = Accidentally invented the Matrix

Just The Facts

  1. Jim Morrison was the singer / screamer / writer of lyrics and random pieces of nonsense for psychedelic rock band The Doors.
  2. He accomplished this by staying in school, not doing drugs, and going to church.
  3. Heh heh heh.
  4. He actually ate all the drugs he could find. He really really liked drugs, even more than the average rock star.
  5. Sure, Elvis could do some drugs when he put his mind to it, and so could the Beatles, but Jim Morrison was not fucking around.
  6. You would think that many drugs would eventually kill you.
  7. It does.

Origin of the Power of Rock

When James Douglas Morrison was a little kid, his parents took him on a family vacation. He happened to meet a dead indian spirit there at the side of the road. The indian shaman was playing a spirit guitar, wailing the fuck out of it and making wendigos rock out. "What's that?" asked the kid.

"It's the power of rock and roll, my man!" yelled the indian, over the music. Still, you could hardly hear him because he was a ghost and everything. "What's your name kid?" he asked, also only kind of audibly.

"James Douglas Mor..." he began, but the old man cut him off. "Lame!" he shouted, slightly more audibly. "That's a sissy name. Just call yourself Jim."

Jim nodded as much in confusion as agreement. He didn't know what the fuck was going on. He was just a kid. But his normal reality had temporarily receded, and now he was standing around talking to dead guys and learning about the shamanic power of rock.

"Jaaames!!!" came the voice of his parents. "I have to go," said Jim "my parents are calling for me."

"Fascists..." muttered the indian.

"Will I see you again?" asked Jim.

"Of course." said the shaman. "Everybody dies eventually! I'll be...around."

And with that, the probably crazy young boy ran back to the car and began to reflect on how no one here gets out alive. He kind of liked the sound of that.

"All these drugs is makin' me sleepy!" he said before collapsing.