When the Internet and Awesome had a baby, it was named Google. But as we all know, every family needs a retarded cousin. So one night, a drunk Microsoft programmer sensed that gaping hole of need, and wrote up a program for Bing.

There's always one.

Why Google Would Beat Bing at Everything, Including Life

I could go on for hours on why Google is so much better than Bing, but I have a feeling that
a) that would be boring
b) you already kind of know that I'm right
c) if you still don't believe me, I can show you easily

I went to Google. I went to the image search. I typed in 'hot'. This is the first image that popped up:

Pictured: What Google was meant for

I went to Bing. I went to the image search. I typed in 'hot.' This is the first image that popped up.

Brought to you by Bing.
This is what I really fantasize about. Thanks, Bing.

Clearly one of these search engines does what it's supposed to do. When a guy searches for something hot on the internet, clearly he's looking for something specific, and that doesn't include special Bob with berry shit all over his face.

And seriously, try 'hot' with both search engines. This isn't one of those funny lies people put in articles, like they do Fox News, this is real life.

What's up with the name?

What is a bing? They tell me I can 'bing' something, but I don't understand. What is the past tense of the verb 'bing'? If I bing someone, is that dirty? Is it legal? Is it like playing Bingo, but minus the old people?

Well, if you are struggling with some of the above questions, you came to the right place. My quest to find the meaning of Bing brought me to: a very special place that is not Wikipedia.

Apparently "through focus groups Microsoft decided that the name Bing was memorable, short, easy to spell, and that it would function well as a URL around the world. The word would remind people of the sound made during "the moment of discovery and decision making."
- wikipedia

I'm not sure about you guys, but if every time I found my keys under the sofa I leapt up and squealed, BING! I think my last shred of dignity would crawl into a dark corner, paint its nails black, write some emo poetry and kill itself.

A Microsoft employee named David Webster, who is either very stupid or very radass, originally proposed the name 'Bang.'

Chuck Norris bangs & decides; do you?

For obvious reasons, mainly that all men who work at Microsoft are virgins who are uncomfortable with their lack of sexual experience, this idea was vetoed. In my opinion, a whole lot more people would use a search engine called BANG than Bing.