Caesars Palace Las Vegas
Caesars Palace is the standard-setter among Las Vegas casinos, both in tackiness and in unnecessary hugeness, and a good case study of how casinos legally steal your money.
Just The Facts
- That's right, there is no apostrophe, it's just Caesars Palace, like a palace known to have a lot of Caesars in it.
- Jay Sarno, who founded Caesars Palace, claims this was intentional because it's supposed to sound like every guest will be pampered like Caesar.
- He was probably just trying to save face.
Dark Yet Banal Secrets of Casino Revenue
Caesars Palace is representative of the Las Vegas luxury-class casinos which not only make money from gambling but from even darker sins, like charging you for local calls. With one hand they beckon big spenders to gamble and splurge, and with the other hand they nickel and dime Joe Tourist like a caricatured Dickens character.
In fact, only about half of Caesars' approximately $1 billion yearly revenue comes from the casino. As for the rest?
There was a time, back in the day, when Las Vegas was all about the gambling. Everything else was cheap - hotel rooms, $5 all-you-can-eat buffets, free hookers - in order to keep you from leaving. But around the 1990s, Vegas decided for some reason to become a family destination, and draw people in with their tacky imitations of foreign cities instead of just good old hookers and slots.
Caesars Palace, never known for its restraint, jumped in whole hog and created Caesars Magical Empire, a factually accurate experience of Roman times where gladiators would take you on a tour of the catacombs, a sorcerer would take your order for dinner, and afterwards you could be entertained at the Pagoda Theatre or Great Sultan's Palace. Although none of it made any sense, it did reasonably well, but not well enough to avoid being torn down so that they could build a theater for Celine Dion to perform in.
That cultural monument featured Celine Dion for a while, and moved on to showcase venerable guests like Cher, Bette Midler, and for some reason, Korean pop star Rain, for Christmas 2009.
Nothing says Vegas like Rain ripping off his shirt.
In any case, gone are the days where they got all their income from gambling, and everything else was virtually free in order to grease that money slide. With guests now arriving with children in tow to serve as constant reminders of why they shouldn't gamble away that college fund, Caesars Palace has to find other ways to gouge them.
They do it much the same way as other family-gouging destinations, such as Disneyland - by charging ridiculous amounts for basic necessities, like food, toothpaste, liquor, and internet. To be fair, Caesars contains a number of world-class restaurants, but if you don't feel like paying an arm and a leg for dinner every day, you might walk despondently past fancy restaurant after fancy restaurant until you happen upon a food court.
This is the cheapest food you'll find in Caesars Palace, but even so, Budweisers are $6, sandwiches are $10 and up, and pizza slices are $5, so pretty much like Disneyland. Unlike Disneyland, however, the lobby is filled with smoke, the liquor is plentiful if unaffordable, and scantily clad "Pussycat Dolls" are dealing blackjack cards, so at least you are delivering a new experience for your kids.
How dee eye come in peace like Spock
ReplyThe machines are rigged via cameras, and really bad s**t happens in that desert too. I'm stayin on this side of the mountains unless i airhop over lol, or maybe rollin caravan, the utahians ain't friendly and they got fucked up laws around 13 year olds and things i'd consider torture and rape.
ReplyDo you even have any idea what you're saying? Do you honestly think anybody else in the entire world cares about what you think about Utah's laws?
It's really not that hard to get out of a casino. In one end, out the other(really. I could do it when I was 4). If all else fails it's not impossible to remember what direction you came from. And yes, the signs tell the truth.
ReplyThat aside, I found this Topic uncommonly funny b^-^d
Except for the Peppermill Hotel in Reno. Most of the walls and slot machines were mirrors. It turned out well.
Rain was semi-popular at that time due to Ninja Assassin coming out in theaters the previous month.
ReplyWe met a couple that showed us how to get out of a casino, you do the opposite of what the signs say. It actually works.
ReplyWe were lost in Madalin Bay, and so we asked a worker there how to get out. he said to go back up to the tram and ask someone there. That is where we came from, so we knew that was not correct, and that there are no workers there.
So we leave from this guy and within 5 steps THERE ARE THE HUGE ENTRANCE DOORS!
It gets worse. This guy was actually standing BETWEEN the two largest entrace doors going into Mandalin Bay. We were later told that employess are not allowed to tell anyone how to leave a casino.
I believe it.
*Mandalay bay XD
So did Ceaser actually ever live there or what?
ReplyI sincerely hope you're joking. Also, it's spelled "Caesar".
*laughs like mandark.
Is it too much to ask to point out where the Sword of Aegeus is on the map. I had to go through one sword of Guan Yu and Sword or Balder.
ReplyDidn't one of your states banish apostrophes? Seriously.
Replycan you get me a link to that? i've not heard about that at all 0_o
Um, no? Are you talking about apostrophes for place names? No, we don't traditionally use them. For instance, St Johns County rather than St. John's County.
You are thinking Birmingham in England, apparently they wanted to simplify things regarding signage and the likes.
Pretty sure you can't smoke in casinos over there anymore. Yeah, in Vegas. Since casinos and the mafia love cigarettes, I'm not sure who else there is in the state to have made that decision.
Reply Hide All See All 9 RepliesWell I was there Christmas 2009, and you could still smoke in the majority of casinos.
well you can smoke in the casinos but there is a sections for non smokers and, they do have a law that says that you cannot smoke in any bar that has a restaurant but that is in repeal and since it is that means you can do so until it is out of litigation
and they are no longer owned by the mafia rather than beating you up for counting card they just ban you from all the casinos owned by their corporation and tell other corporations that you do you so
I live here, there's no casino you can't smoke in.
Maybe there IS a law, but it's not enforced in Vegas (or even signposted) because, let's face it, how would you?
A happy gambler (smoker) is a spending gambler...
And what about non-smoking spending gamblers that leave because they can barely breath?
They are clearly in the wrong place.
Or spell breathe?
See, personally I'd like someone to pass legislation that you can't burn incense indoors, or within 15 feet of a building entrance, unfortunately, nobody's proven that a high density of incense smoke causes cancer.
I'd also like to see a law passed that requires licenses for wearing perfume/cologne, that are only issued to people who understand the proper amount to wear.
The casinos let people smoke inside because they don't want them to leave the slots to go outside and smoke.
Yeah, I ran into that Minotaur once. I had to sacrifice my first born to get away from it.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesthought all you needed was a ball of enchanted string to find your way out of the Minotaur's labyrinth
Enchanted string is precious.
See I just killed it. Minotaur is only like, CR 4.
also, enchanted string only helps you get out. If you FIND the minotaur you are still screwed.
Three other things most casinos do:
Reply Hide All See All 5 Replies1. No clocks/winows. Casinos do not want you to realize how long you have been playing, and therefor generally do not have clocks or windows to the outside viewable from the gaming floor (except for some entrances). In some cases, the "main cage" might have one, but generally this is for staff only, and so may be out of public view.
2. A known condition called "slot hypnosis". The sights and sounds of the casino are designed to make you lose yourself in the atmosphere and suspend reality.
3. Cell phones do not work. For the longest time casinos did not allow cell phones to be used if you were at the tables, however as of 2008 some casinos are now allowing this, but generally due to thick walls some cell phone signals do not get in. There are rumors that some casinos also use cell jamming technology.
I went into a Caesars once, and it was for a concert. Being broke, the whole place turned me off as cheap and...dirty. I have 3 points to add to your 3 points.
1. Most shopping centres do this for the same reason, they do not want you to see how long you've been in their little hell-hole.
2. The slot machines and other games are programmed with the G-chord, as it's apparently a happy sound. If you're not playing, you'll want to after hearing various little ditties played in the key of G.
3. It wouldn't surprise me if they jam your cell phone signals. According to them, it severely limits the chance that people will cheat while at the tables.
clocks no windows yes in some casinos...not all but some...and the cell phone blocking thing is bogus. come on guys I live in Vegas(and no I do not work for a casino)been here my whole life if some one has a problem with loosing them selves in a video game stay the heck out of Vegas (and what is video poker if not just a piss poor video game and that "key of 'g'" thing bull as well its just an attention getter is all
Time-based smoke & mirrors routine: yes, terribly true.
They're removing sleep ques. If you remove them all (day/night visibility, clocks, normal TV programming [you can tell when your show is on], bed times, etc.), your body defaults to a 25.2 hr ultradian rhthym, not a 24 hr one.
You technically become more efficient if you're ignorant of time...or, if you're a mercenary d-bag casino, make more $ off of unwitting ppl.
I'm always on a 25 hour cycle. I thought is was just me. It's pretty inconvenient.
Of course they don't jam cell phones, cell phone jammers are illegal. You know the fcc does more than make sure you don't see boobies and penises on national tv, right? It's far more likely that they don't allow a cell tower anywhere near the casino, and have walls thick enough to defeat uhf, rather than risk getting the government tangled in their business.
If you know what you're doing, you can get shit-faced for less than at a regular bar. Even if you're playing the penny video poker machines, the dollies will load you up with Baileys all day and night as long as you tip and smile. The thinking is: you'll get steaming drunk and make mistakes, costing you money. If you're playing a penny a go, playing blindfold won't hurt that much. And the casino still makes more than enough from the rash gamblers.
ReplyLas Vegas is expensive? That's hardly a surprise! Now here's a well-kept secret: most people who gamble lose their money.
ReplyThis is why I'd never go to Las Vegas, a place where you throw away your money for cheap thrills? Only if I'm a self centered millionaire.
ReplyI don't gamble, that's for the retards.
Reply Hide All See All 8 RepliesJust like God and Conservatism. I could care less how those subhumans get manipulated.
Well, enjoy Celine Dion.
why do people look for opportunities to ALWAYS insert political views? damn.
I'm pretty sure by that statement that your idea of freedom is to just let the government (over)run everything. For a tool you aren't even the sharpest in the drawer.
I don't insert comments into a website's comment box about how people choose to live their lives. That's for the retards.
Are you unaware that there are many rational, level-headed Christians/Jews/Muslims/etc. in the world?
Climb off your high horse (don't trip over the pedestal) and get some perspective, tool.
He's expressing an opinion on the internet - you expect himm to think it through?
You just took a gamble, a poor one at that I'd wager, but that's your right, so, no biggie. Still, even the most basic animals know there's always a bigger fish...
You know what? I think you gamble.
Vegas' sole purpose is to make money. Do people not know this?
ReplyHave you ever tried to get out of Planet Hollywoods "Miracle mile of shops?"
ReplyI'm still trying. This reply is sent straight from the banals ot that out of place hourly thunderstorm.
I love the labyrinth reference. I'm glad someone remembers that movie. good times
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI really want to slap you my dick right now. Public education: the leading way to get weiner shaped welts on your face.
Education: A necessity which "toxicroach" is lacking, leading him to make mistakes such as belittling fellow Cracked members about their assumed lack of education, only to belittle himself.
PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE OH PLEASE GOD.
The inexpensive places are indeed pricey, but actually the most luxurious restaurants (such as MiX, Aureole, and Circo) are quite reasonable, especially if you compare them to the cost in NYC or, God forbid, Europe.
Reply"When you die at Caesar's Palace, you really die at Caesar's Palace." -Mel Brooks
Reply