Motorcycle Safety
Motorcycles are an early form of Terminator, designed to infiltrate human society and pick off aggressive males before they become resistance fighters. They're very good at what they do.
Just The Facts
- A motorbike is the bare minimum number of parts required for an engine to reach lethal velocities.
- As opposed to regular vehicles, motorbikes use the rider to protect themselves.
- Donorcycles were invented by an aging industrialist to ensure a constant supply of replacement organs. He got all he'd ever need within a year and continues to sell them simply because it's funny.
Motorcycle Safety
The safest thing you can do with one is give it to your mortal enemy. The second sentence is normally where'd we make a joke about dicks or sexual inadequacy, but there's absolutely nothing phallic about buying a big, throbbing danger-machine and holding it between your legs. (And even if you have nothing to compensate about, after a few months of shaking and baking your crotch, you will).
Insurance
The average insurance premium for a young male motorcycler is a fair fraction of the total insured amount, or perhaps the GDP of a small country. This is because the biker is not expected to survive long enough to make a second payment, as a motorbike is basically a conversion kit for turning an insecure asshole into an extremely unguided missile.
EMS types call them 'donorcycles' for a reason. I really wanted a bike...until I started working as an EMT. You see one dude whose skin came right off his torso when he hit pavement, you've seen them all. And then there was the buddy of mine who was the new guy at an ER, and his job was to extract the intact, severed head of a rider from his helmet so they could send most of his parts to the morgue in the same bag. I've got nothing against bikers, I think I've just seen enough exposed organs because of them that I had to rethink my choice to become one.
ReplySome Author is afraid of a little lack of safety
ReplyI'm a biker. This is funny. Everyone else is butthurt.
ReplySame here; agreed.
funny but not long enough. As to risk, horseback riding is far riskier by hour ridden... where's the article on that?
Replygood compensation joke on the pipes though. Speaking as someone with stock exhausts...
Yeah, micco540's got that straight. I hate trolls so I'll try not to be one, but damn, dude. Bashing skateboarding along with motorcycles; do you just not like fun? Unbelievably, skateboarding and motorcycle riding are actually quite enjoyable and not (!!) always deadly. I've been skating, snowboarding, and riding motocross for ten years and am feeling fine. I also in no way feel it makes me "anti-establishment" to do any of that-usually it's the establishment that yells "AAAH! MENACE TO SOCIETY!" at ME for doing it-am I not justified to throw the double bird at that point? AM I NOT, good sir?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesReally, man, there's life beyond impotent rage at things that are fun that you haven't yet done. Buy a bike and a board, try for a year (if you can avoid crying and giving up after your first boo-boo) then come back and look at the bullshit you wrote. You'll see it then.
I don't think the author had anything to say about whether or not they were fun, but just because something is fun - doesn't mean that it is safe - or in this case, in the same zip code as safe.
Don't get me wrong, getting on a bike doesn't mean you're signing your own death warrant, but the motorcycle's design seems to hinge on the desire to make it most dangerous form of transportation known to man.
I mean you're basically talking about a vehicle with the stability and protection of a bicycle that can achieve faster than highway speeds, and is driven within traffic. Fun or not, the only way they could make it less safe is if they incorporated an ejection seat that fires at random.
i think the most dangerous mode of transportation would be those tubes in futerama cuz they got clogged a lot.
Ah, the author basically stereotypes all motorcyclists to be those streetbikers you see doing 140 past you in a fifty zone. But I find it funny nevertheless. I want a touring bike when I'm older.
This article sounds like it was written by a man with the angriest, smallest dick in America.
ReplyMake that the world!
LOL,
Replyand yet Valentino Rossi makes you want to just go and buy a bike every time you watch him racing:
http://www.blitzcorner.com/Other/Highlights-of-Grand-Pre-Cinzano-De-Catalunya-June-2009
Did you know that Michael Jackson rode a bike? With Debbie Rowe? Yes, really! http://stopspammingthiswebsite.jerk
Replylol at cracked. First time I actually seen something done about spambots.
I've always been curious about what would feel to drive one at top speeds, but, heck, I love my life too much
ReplyThis fits perfectly with the male riders I know. The females - not so much.
ReplyI am a female rider of my own sportbike...where does the theory add up now? Why is it just males that ride sportbikes according to you guys? And no, females don't just ride as a passenger, women can actually - dare I say it - ride their own...gasp! This is the most stereotypical thing I have read in a while...
Reply Hide All See All 8 RepliesWell...You aren't the targeted subject then, just because tampons are marketed to angry women doesn't mean men can't use them to stop bleeding as well. I had to double up super jumbos to stop a wicked nosebleed one time.
lolz
Really, why even post this? Yeah you're offended but you just knew people were going to judge you by saying something along the lines of "DUH, this is about men not women! Hurr!" or something along those lines.
I am a woman who's looking forward to purchasing her own sportbike and I wasn't offended by this article.
Who said anything about being offended? Pretty sure it wasn't me...so anyways...just pointing out the fact that it is stereotypical. What, am I wrong about that...I think not! You make yourself sound stupid when you make a comment about something that wasn't even said...
You're all whores.
Why don't you b***h a little less, FemRDR3639?
dis is y wimminz need to stay in deh kitchen, amirite?
You rite mah man!
Good to know!
ReplyAnd thousands of sincere and serious tall people I met on ___Tallloving C om___ are the most amazing people I ever met! they
care nothing but real love and chemistry! that's what we are looking for in today's world!
As a bike rider I find this piss-my-self funny.
Reply"A motorbike is the bare minimum number of parts required for an engine to reach lethal velocities."
ReplyThat sentence is all kinds of retarded.
how so?
This is not remotely funny ... mostly because its filled with half truths from stereotypes. I know cracked plays on those a lot but these ones are just old and tired.
ReplyGod make dick size jokes about someone else
word
Disturbedperson must have a huge tailpipe.
ReplyMotorcycles and tattoos are counter culture? Ummm, yeah maybe 40-50 years ago.
ReplyNow it just means you follow the crowd.
This article is horrible and Luke McKinney sucks a fat cock.
ReplyEvery article I read of his seems to have some kind of rampant stigma against counter culture. I ride a motorcycle, Luke and guess what, I have tattoos as well. At least I'm enjoying my life instead of making my living being a s****y pseudo-comedian. f**k you again McKinney.
anything the lowers the douche bag quotient is fine by me. go crotch rockets! f helmets!
Reply... I'm still getting a motorcycle.
Reply