Ron Paul

Ron Paul has successfully convinced thousands of women to drop their panties and spread their legs for him.

Ron Paul: OB/GYN/PIMP
Ron Paul: OB/GYN/PIMP

Just The Facts

  1. Ron Paul predicted most of the shit that's going wrong today....30 years ago.
  2. He's a Libertarian, which means doesn't want government to rape you.
  3. He's been saying the same things for many many years, and they are very very true.
  4. He is more principilled than Harry at London's Ministry of Sound*

CRACKED on Ron Paul

Rational observers are excited about his non-psychotic solutions. Neocons and youngins swooned by a certain black President's swagger would dismiss him as irrational.

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"Hello, Joe? Yeah, please tell Barack that his understanding of economics is about as broad as Keanu Reeves' acting."

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"But the United Nations is not an international forum where world leaders discuss many issues in an attempt to avert wars; it is a conspiratorial international body intent on destroying our national sovereignty."

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"Mr. Bernanke, I have here in my hands official documents proving that, ah, your institution recently had illegal sexual relations with Wall Street. Ah, it is also evident that, ah, you attempted to use the United States Constitution as a condom which, ah, was ripped by your humungous, ah, you know, "printing press" and, ah, spawned a bastard demon child of whose birth we will witness, ah, in the coming months."

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Ron Paul has also been in the closet for around twenty years. Since he's a Republican Congressman, many people have speculated this for some time, as it is only logical when you're talking about his type.

[EDIT] We've received lots of emails asking us to clarify that last statement. Apparently, lots of people have interpreted it wrongly. Mr. Paul is a closet Libertarian, not a closet homosexual.

Which brings us to his (closet) party's dream to, at last, see the liberation of all things in the economy from governmental oversight, including gay sex solicitation.

"Yes, Mr. Paul, I totally agree with your argument about the free market..."

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So let's review, shall we?

Why are you reading this on Cracked? Go here to find out some real information on Ron Paul;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EMBffxDYXE

Seriously, I can't really joke about this. It's far too important this time around. President Obama just signed into law a bill that says the USA is a battlefield and that the US military can operate within the US borders. Further, the US President has the sole and explicit authority to arrest American citizens he deems are "associated forces" of terrorists and detain them indefinitely. Without trial...EVEN IF they have been proven innocent by a jury of their peers in the court of law.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Bush's third term.

Ron Paul is the only way out of this.

I'll come back and edit this later to be prettier.