Discrimination in the Workplace

Back in the day, it was easy to keep people out of your workplace because the color of their skin or the configuration of their genitals, factors that vitally affected the quality of their work. It was a scientifically proven and commonly accepted fact that non-whites could not do complex tasks like sit at a reception desk, and women could not perform manufacturing jobs, such as riveting.

Riveting was best left to strapping young fellows like this one.

Unfortunately, those simpler times are gone, and America is now a place of restrictive and unfair laws preventing most types of job discrimination, including discrimination based on race, gender, age, national origin, and even religion. Yes, even if their religion is stupid.

Being a bigot takes a lot of creativity and determination these days. Instead of focusing on the things we've lost, like racism and sexism, we need to focus on the opportunities that are still there. Like fat people. And bald people.

Laws can't stop you from keeping fat people and bald people out of your workplace, or, if you are fat and bald yourself, can't stop you from deliberately hiring fatter and balder people to make yourself look better at work.

Abercrombie & Fitch, long known for cultural sensitivity

Or if you've still got that itch for some good old-fashioned racism, you can try to be more subtle about it, like Abercrombie & Fitch. They're not allowed to prohibit black people from applying, so they prohibit cornrows and bald hairstyles. Also, instead of just saying "no" to minorities, they take the positive proactive approach of reaching out to good-looking white customers and asking them if they'd like to work there because they've got the Abercrombie "look," which is officially described as "All-American".

This is a delicate little game, and you want to avoid blowing your cover by having an employee carelessly tell an applicant, as one A&F employee allegedly did, that they already had "too many Filipinos" at this store. Try to go with the more roundabout, "not enough All-Americans".

One way to sidestep discrimination laws is to claim Bona Fide Occupational Qualifications, or BFOQ. For example, when hiring a Catholic priest for a Catholic church, it is reasonable to expect them to be, you know, Catholic, and it is not considered religious discrimination to turn down a Satanist for the job.

Hooters, a restaurant chain where your food is served by large breasts with possibly a waitress behind them, has also cited BFOQ to avoid hiring men, which doesn't seem too out of the ordinary, and unattractive women, which is a little more boorish and of interest to the aspiring bigot. Airlines have also gone to court now and then to defend their right to keep their stewardesses pretty.

Gratuitious Hooters waitress picture

Funnily enough, since BFOQ is primarily intended to protect a company's ability to provide its services, it isn't any help in protecting the company's attempt to protect its employees. A battery company's attempt to keep pregnant women and potentially childbearing women from working with lead was shot down in court because the women were competent and capable of doing the job, or in other words, putting the women there wouldn't hurt the company. Just them.