Blood

-Under Construction- Blood is the red liquid that keeps you running. All mammals, birds, reptiles, fish, and amphibians have blood, as well as many invertebrates.

Just The Facts

  1. Blood carries oxygen to cells to keep them alive.
  2. The existence of Blood in movies and videogames is sometimes misused, but always a selling point.
  3. If something really violent happened, you can usually tell from the blood everywhere.

The Idea of Blood

While blood freaks some people out, just as many are fascinated by it, and some people are freaked out and fascinated at the same time.

This isn't very surprising really. It seems as though the sight of blood has some hardwired neurological triggers, and the psychological buildup humans have learned just makes it seem scarier.

Both the presence and theme of blood appears in countless works of art, fiction, and music; and blood is a symbol in many religions and belief systems. Unless you are careful to screen everything you expose yourself to, it's not possible to escape the theme of blood any more than it's possible to escape from the blood that is in you. Blood is everywhere.

Fainting at the sight of Blood

That's just hilarious. Really, it is. Hopefully if you were going to faint, you already have, and therefore can not read this. We will take this opportunity to say "Ha ha! Look at the little sissy having a fear-nap!"

Blood in the Body

In humans, red blood cells carries oxygen around in red blood cells, bringing it to muscles, organs, and pretty much everything else. Getting oxygen to the brain and muscles is especially vital, since being able to think and move are some of the most basic activities of any lifeform (except possibly for very fat stupid people).

Blood also carries alcohol and other drugs all around, delivering them to braincells and other places (without blasting rap music when it pulls up). When the body gets warm from drinking alcohol, it is literally the heat of the party getting started inside the body. Red blood cells are known to slur their speech, dance badly, break furniture, start fights, throw up, and hit on other cells. White blood cells are more like the designated drivers, trying to carry away the piled up inert bodies of expended red blood cells.

Blood in Movies (Fake Blood)

Blood is used in many action movies, crime movies, and samurai and martial arts movies. Still, no other genre of film uses quite as much blood as horror movies.

Horror movies have an entire spectrum of bloodsplattering, ranging from the miniscule and restrained amounts, all the way up to the fullblown nonstop bloodbath. The more gory the movie, the more blood you are going to see, though there's also likely to be plenty of other nasty guts and gore to keep soccer moms screeching and looking away from the screen, asking if that part is over yet. That will teach them to try to be cool and see a horror movie with their kids.

While ridiculous amounts of blood aren't all that make a horror movie good, we can't say it doesn't help. When a bunch of counselors have been stupid enough to move into the same cabin those other counselors got killed in, and then start running around naked, there is something deeply satisfying about seeing them come to their highly Darwinian demise at the hands of the killer who is obviously not gone. Seeing their blood spatter onto the wall behind them is like the reward for being patient and watching their grating and dysfunctionally retarded behavior for the last 10 minutes.

Don't dump blood on the prom queen, or she'll probably plug it up with enough fire to kill all of you.

Vampires

One of the most well known fictional monsters to desire human blood is the vampire. The idea of an inhuman yet powerful bloodsucker has been known to people for a while, but of course Bram Stoker gave the vampire itself a true place in people's nightmares. His infamous titular character Dracula spawned an entire genre of horror, and even helped to define literary horror, and has been imitated and varied upon hundreds of times.

We said "titular". Heh.

Videogame Blood

Some videogames will let you turn the amounts of blood up or down, or even let you remove it entirely. While this is technically a good thing, taking the blood out of a violent game is stupid, and partially defeats the purpose of playing. Videogames don't actually make people do violent things in real life; if anything the opposite it true, they allow for violent feelings to be directed into harmless places.

Being able to shoot, stab, or punch bad guys or monsters in a game and make them bleed is awesome, and it helps reinforce the idea that your attacks are working (in some games, you have to change your attack tactics if your first ones don't work).

Maybe a health pack or potion of some kind can fix that...no, probably not.

Some games use more blood than others, and while people complain about the videogame rating system, consider this; if a game is rated "M", and therefore not for sale to minors, then that game can have as much blood as it fucking wants. And seriously, screw the kids anyway. Who cares if they get the really fun games?

The artistic element of blood is explicitly used in is "Madworld", a fairly violent fighting game (pictured above). By limiting the characters and scenery to a black and white pallette, and allowing no color except the red of blood, the designers gave the game a distinct look, and a lot of style.

Blood in Sports

Not everyone likes watching sports. Some of us find them pointless, tedious, and conflictedly homoerotic. Still, some people can be convinced to watch sports...if there's going to be some blood.

While boxing is always an obvious choice to guarantee some blood, another famous violent sport is hockey. Not so much because of the actual playing of hockey as because of the fighting while playing hockey. Some games are said to have more blood than a Japanese horror movie, and that's a hell of a lot of blood.

Also, the Olympics might be more exciting if javelin throwers would throw them at each other, in some sort of contest of elimination. The last one with an unpierced chest gets the gold. Simple.

Only the gold medalist would go home without losing blood.

image by Thundercleez

Getting Blood Out Of Clothes

Probably just regular detergent, right? Of course, if it's a bad stain, it won't be so easy. If the clothes are white, just bleach them. That will definitely get rid of blood.

Whatever you do, don't let anyone else see the stains; unless of course you trust them and know them well. Otherwise, it could be...embarrassing.

Also, next time, don't forget to bring enough pads. You don't need this happening again.

In Conclusion

Blood is not only necessary, but exciting, and a sign of getting somewhere when it comes to violence.

Oops, almost forgot. This is Cracked...

Bloody Boobs...just in case you had any normal thoughts left.