Douchebags
Douchebags live among us. Here is a guide to recognize, and more importantly, not become one yourself.
How do you spot a Douchebag?
A Douchebag is a person with an over-inflated sense of self worth. Douchebags often put themselves out as an alpha male. The best way to distract a douchebag is by taking its picture because Doucebags are attention whores.
Chances are you have already seen a Douchebag. Here are a few tips on how to spot a Douchebag.
1. A Douchebag often wears sunglasses inside.
2. A Douchebag often has an open/no shirt.
3. A Douchebag often has a fake tan.
4. A Douchebag often has spiked hair.
5. A Douchebag often has loud jewelry (and it's usually fake).
6. Douchebags often have douchey tattoos (usually a Chinese character or barbed wire)
7. A Douchebag will often think he is in Europe, when in fact Douchebags have rarely left their hometown.
8. A Douchebag, if he is wearing a shirt, will pop the collar.
9. When a douchebag does wear a hat, he twists it slightly to the side.
10. Douchebags will readily give you two numbers: 1) Their telephone number, and 2) how much they can bench press.
11. A Douchebag often owns a bathrobe that is not made out of cotton.
12. A Douchebag wears socks with his sandals.
13. A person on a Segway is a Douchebag.
14. A Douchebag will listen to his "system" loudly at a stop sign with his windows down and then look around to see who is watching him.
Holy Fucking Quadfecta:
"10. Douchebags will readily give you two numbers: 1) Their telephone number, and 2) how much they can bench press."
ReplyYou forgot how readily one will brag about the length of their dong.
"yo dawg check my three innnnnnnnnch >=D" happy
You forgot "The creepy appearance of a douchebag may scar a woman for life & turn her gay."
ReplyQuick, you need a picture of Jon Gosselin!
ReplyI almost but not entirely agree with the "Segway" assessment. There is a fellow in my neighborhood who is legally blind and uses a Segway to get to work because driving a car would be a poor idea. He's pretty cool.
But he's blind. It kinda balances itself out dude.
are you saying someone blind can't be a douche?
hahahaa. Awesome. I wish it was longer though.
ReplyEch, this mess is a 1950's picture show! you want real douchebag-related comedy by serious people? put this in your butthole!
Replyhttp://www.cracked.com/funny-2226-the-douchebag/
f**k Guy Fieri. I hate that guy.
ReplyWait, socks with sandals, and riding segways? How did you jump from the Jonas Brothers to con-con attendees?
Replypeople are douchebags if they *think* the're funny, popular, smart,or a combination of the 3
Replythat's stupid, it's if they act like are assholes and believe one of the 3
So what exactly is a real douchebag? You know, the medical kind. All I know is that it's something that goes in a chick's c****r (which is more than enough to be insulting), but other than that I'm lost.
Replydamn douchebaggery
Replyhahaha ..douchebags are fun!!
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesqeere
qeere
queer? quiery?
OMG, I have seen douchebags! :D
Reply