Diet Products
It's very simple: if a weight loss pill, plan or exercise machine claims to make weight loss "effortless," it is a scam. Let's have science explain:
Diet Products
Due to the cruel laws of physics, losing weight requires two things:
1. Pain
2. Hunger
This is due to a few fairly simple facts about your body. Your body wants to store fat, because through most of human history, food was scarce and in times of plenty it wants to store up for when supplies are short.
This is a process your body invented to keep you alive, over centuries of living in a world that did not have fast food or Hostess snack cakes. Any time you try to stop or undo that process, your body will send unpleasant sensations to your brain, because it thinks you're setting youself up to starve to death.
To lose weight, you must endure those unpleasant sensations. There is no shortcut.
For instance, you can exercise to the point that your body will run out of the ready fuel in your system, at which point it will reluctantly dip into its fat reserves and burn them. You will experience fatigue and pain when this happens. This is your body punishing you for using the fat it has stored up. It doesn't want to use it. Your body was saving it for an emergency.
You can also restrict the amount of food coming into your system so that your body is forced to go through that same fat-burning process, but this time your body will punish you by making you feel hunger, or cravings for fattier foods that will let it replenish those fat reserves on your thighs and belly and everywhere else.
Any pill or cream that claims it can "burn fat" while you sit on the sofa, or exercise machine that claims to make exercise "easy" or "effortless" is a scam to steal your money.


There have also been numerous products put on the market intended to suppress hunger. But turning off one of the fundamental processes that keeps you alive (ie your brain alerting you that you need to eat) is not an easy thing, and time and time again those pills turn out to be dangerous or even deadly (see the popular diet drug Fen-Phen, pulled from the market due to potentially fatal side effects, only to be replaced by Ephedrine, which was also promptly banned in weight-loss products for being just as dangerous).
Now, most of the weight loss supplements you see at your grocer store now are just mild appetite suppressants, usually just packed full of caffeine or another stimulant, since the nervous, jittery, mildly sick feeling they induce does tend to kill your hunger. Just note that it is only replacing one unpleasant sensation with another (the body does not give up easily). Occasionally they will package these supplements with "all natural" ingredients on the label (such as "Hoodia" or "Green Tea Extract").
The most recent and terrifying addition is Alli, the brand name of Orlistat, which lets you eat fat, but simply prevents it from being absorbed in the stomach. If this sounds like a perfect get-out-of-fat free card, keep in mind that (once again) you are short-circuiting one of the body's natural processes. The result is that you will have uncontrollable greasy diarrhea, pooping out an orange substance like the stuff you see sitting on top of a pizza. The fat your stomach couldn't absorb has to go somewhere.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Just because pain/hunger is required in order to lose weight, you should not assume from this that if you are feeling pain and hunger you are therefore losing weight. Many weight loss plans will give you all of the unpleasant feelings of a real diet plan, only without the weight loss.
So is the situation hopeless?
Not at all. Most people have a higher tolerance for physical suffering than they think. And it is temporary; exercise gets easier as muscles get stronger (though at the point it becomes TOO easy, it's time to increase what you're doing) and your system WILL adjust to getting less food.
Also, you can lessen the suffering that will come with weight loss by losing the weight slowly - your body won't kick and scream as much about losing one pound a month as it will if you are trying to lose five pounds a week Biggest Loser-style. It's impatience that makes most diets fail.
The even better news?
Weight loss doesn't cost a dime.
Exercise can be done on the floor - mankind was getting exercise long before any machines had been invented for the purpose. Google around for the best techniques. Diet is just a matter of not eating the foods you already know you shouldn't be eating. Both of these will cause you some mild suffering. Enduring that suffering is the only thing between you and being thin.
Good luck.






it reminds me of that mad tv thing
Reply"eat less, move more!"
"and....?"
"that's it!"
"but how does it work?"
"its simple really, you eat less food and you move around more than you do now!"
"it gets more complicated the more you describe it, isnt there a pill i could take?"
I agree with this article so much. I think it's hilarious when people want methods to lose weight with no dieting/exercising, or, even worse, want ways to lose a certain amount of weight in a very small time frame. For example, someone once asked on Y! Answers how to lose 40 pounds in one week. That is impossible, even if you over exercised and ate literally nothing for the whole week.
ReplyAs a girl with an ED, I love to laugh at fat people who can't be arsed to diet or exercise, or claim that 'no diet works'. If I'm a thirteen year old girl and lost about 30 pounds within a year or so, I'm pretty sure someone who has complete control over what they eat can do what I did pretty easily. Oh yeah - I didn't do a whole lot of exercise.
well arent you special im going to laugh at you and call you misses boulimia
I know it probably doesn't mean anything coming from a complete stranger, but I'm honestly worried about you.
The most important part is to find an exersise you like. For once, video games can actually be useful to your fat ass.
ReplyI recently lost a bunch of weight by using my work/life situation to my advantage. I stopped eating junk foods except for once or twice per week. My meals consist of a fresh fruit or vegetable and yogurt. I work in a factory, and when the exercise stopped giving me a workout I got ankle weights. I'm on my feet 8 hours per day, so I started using that to my advantage.
Replywhen i get into dance dance revolution, a lot of people commented i lose weight. and i dont even feel 'bad' at all. nobody should feel exercise is a punishment, but find an enjoyable activity to latched on.
ReplyI like that there's an ad for diet pills at the end of the article.
ReplyHm, I see an ad for Gastric bypass surgery.
I'm a big believer that one day, they'll use our body fat to power the country
ReplyOh. My. God.
Keep on dreaming. Because that is what is really going on and all of this is just a dream. UNEXPECTED ENDING
If you want to weight its simple.
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesGet off your f*****g arse go for a f*****g jog do some pushups and eat healthy food.
Its as simple as that. If it seems to much of a challenge for you then go f**k yourself.
Some people are just of an genetic disposition that lends itself to obesity, and it is harder for them to lose weight. And don't say that I'm just making excuses for myself, I'm actually on the slim side. So shut up.
AcidTrip is right about losing weight for about 90% of the people out there, but there are some who just exercise and eating right won't work. My sister was one of those. She was very active, did not over eat, and yet she still ballooned up to near morbid obese levels.
Turns out her body had a deficiency where it could not burn some types of food, the real kicker is a lot of foods she can't eat are actual considered good for you, like bananas. Her trying to eat right was only making things worse.
Since she was diagnosed with what ever the weird deficiency thing was, she has avoided those foods and lost a ton of weight.
So yeah, for most people they just need to get off their lazy asses and do something for a change, but some (few) others have serious medical needs.
YEAH! And then of course you need to be careful not to push yourself too hard because that can be very harmful. Of course you'll have to deal with the feeling of starvation every single day when even regularly healthy people eat way too much and most "healthy" food is lies and bullshit.
You'll have to do the right kind of exercise of course as it helps little to build muscle mass when you're trying to lose fat.
Yeah and then there's the various health issues overweight people often have, and the body issues. Have fun trying to squeeze into clothes that are far too revealing and bounce along the street, shamefully jiggling your every extra pound!
It's as simple as you describe it if weight isn't really an issue. For pretty much everyone who actually NEEDS to lose weight it's a whole different story and a shitload of more challenges to face.
So go f**k yourself acidcock
Not even /healthy/. Eat a chocolate bar a day and do half an hour of exercise. You'll find that you're losing weight. You're also incredibly unhealthy and will die because of malnutrition.
Yeah and good luck if you're a chubby girl trying to find a sports bra that fits and stops the painful (and damaging) jiggling. And EVERYONE loves boobs, so that's pretty important.
(With the exception of a few diseases) Most of the genetic factors that influence weight do not mean you are just destined to be fat or thin. Causative but not deterministic.
Ha! I laugh at your pitiful human dietary needs! I've completely replaced my stupid primal urges to eat, sleep, or stop biting people with what is medically described as a "suicidally irresponsible amount of Monster." My doctor explained that I've been filling my body daily with almost twelve times the recommended amount of stimulants and several things the FDA never anticipated people willingly putting in their bodies. I think that means she finds me sexy. I don't even think about food anymore, just Monster I'll f*****g bite you!
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesI'm going to worship you as a god.
saucesome. nuf said.
sounds like a plan, man!
How did you sit still long enough to write thSQUIRREL
Trick question! Sitting still is for lesbians and polyps I carry my laptop while I run in circles so that I offset the earths rotation and I can comment on articles IN THE PAST I found a science man and he agreed that my plan was brilliant and my doctor likely does find me sexy that's the benefit of the Monster Diet people agree with you at all times because the way your skin vibrates at supersonic frequencies radiates confidence and power! Oh my god stop staring at my c**k I'll stab you're eyes!
i just started the monster diet a month ago im currently on the roof of my garage and now im on the highway racing cars, wish me luck!
perseverance is the keyword here
ReplyIronically, Keyword is the keyword there.
You need to eat to have energy to exercise. If you suddenly reduce your dietary intake, you will feel tired and hungry, and will not want to exercise, and will lower your metabolic rate. Eating non-nutritious foods will have the same effect, you are almost not eating when you eat low calorie foods. It also matters what you eat. I was gaining weight and low on energy personally until I read in an old science book that all mammals and primates are easily proven to be unable to digest milk and to have a toxic reaction that includes bloating if they ingest any dairy products after infancy, and are all unable to gain nutrition from any non-dairy products during infancy. Upon learning this, I switched to a dairy free diet, which in practical terms means a vegan diet with meat, which I have been eating as bacon, hot dogs, and ground beef primarily. I was talking to an obese woman at the store, and her cart was mostly dairy, so I think the key to losing obesity is plenty of vegan foods, plenty of meats, and zero dairy.
ReplyCorrelation =/= Causation. Fat lady is fat because she probably doesn't get off her ass enough.
Though it's worth noting that other countries don't even f*****g drink milk by adolescence, and yeah, lactose intolerance isn't a mutation, being able to digest it properly as an adult is.
How in the hell can you have a vegan diet with meat? That's like a guy having a homosexual relationship with his wife.
I don't disagree with the content, but why is it inconsistent? This is apparently "America's Only Humor Site", but it offers material that isn't comedic. Mixing serious and non-serious material in this fashion makes me think of the National Enquirer.
Reply"uncontrollable greasy diarrhea, pooping out an orange substance like the stuff you see sitting on top of a pizza."
The best they could do.
Since when is greasy diarrhea not funny? It's INFOtainment. Information + Entertainment. Like Fox news if it were informative and people were amused by it.
You have to eat six small meals a day instead of three big meals. No hunger and you just eat what you need.
ReplyKeep up the good articles - Cracked can be a force of wisdom and good as well as being funny as f**k ;) Comedy is among the best means of education.
ReplyMAKE A JOKE DAMNIT! TOO MANY OF THESE TOPICS JUST GET PRECHY AT THE END! THIS IS NOT WIKIPEDIA!
ReplyI agree.
I am excluded from this article because I am anorexic yes?
ReplyMain symptom of anorexia: Not being aware that you have anorexia.
Actually, the main symptom of anorexia is not eating, but OH SO CLOSE.
I really think that one of the reasons that diets fail is that we're all fed the "Before/After" pictures for weight loss programs. We always forget that there is a "During" picture that, for all intents and purposes, looks the same as the "Before" picture. And the average person'll be spending a hell of a lot of time in that "During" phase. But since we've been tricked into believing that losing weight is like flipping a switch we lose the determination we started with because we don't APPEAR to be getting results, ignoring the fact that the "After" picture is the final result of months or years of dieting while still looking like a fatty.
ReplyPlus the fact that the "after" picture is misnamed, and that a more accurate label would *also* be "during," since it's not like "after" is an award you get that says you can go back to pissing around once you've got it.
Good article. However, I'm a bit concerned that those with EDs might use this to justify starving themselves.
ReplyI readily admit that the main reason I don't lose weight is because, unlike what the skinny girls' shirts say, I think dessert tastes better than being skinny feels.
ReplyPreach mordredlefay!
I agree. Some people aren't looking to explain away extra weight with medical problems that don't exist (no, I'm not talking about your insert name of person you know who really has a problem). Some people (gasp!) don't mind not being classified as skinny. Everyone who isn't skinny isn't lazy or out of shape.
p.s.cracked Make a joke already
SO true. I don't understand why people don't get this. I'm actually trying to GAIN weight which is harder than it sounds if you're like me and have a super-fast metabolism. Also, did you know that when you've been thin for forever you're body will adjust it's metabolism to keep you thin? Apparently your body just slowly gets itself into a situation and then just wants to stay that way. Sucks for us all.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesthe best way to gain weight is actually to fast for a day or two, your body thinks you're starving and turns down your metabolism. Once or twice a year works well. Another reason diets don't work.
Ironically, the more mass you have, the higher your metabolism.
@ ellinor, I've been fasting for a while, and its actually helped me lose some weight.