Man V. Food

A popular half-hour show on the Travel Channel that doesn't even try to disguise itself as one about a guy showing off the best restaurants in the US. In fact, it's about a guy who consumes abnormally large amounts of food in one sitting.

Cracked on Man v. Food

The cameras follow Adam Richman as he travels to different cities in the US and features a few restaurants that serve several types of delicacies. During the last ten minutes of the show, he tries out a food challenge that is unique to one restaurant. The meal itself can range from ridiculously spicy (meaning the cooks used peppers that can make it feel like an atomic bomb exploded on your taste buds) to a portion that can weigh up to 12 pounds.

Did you read that carefully? 12 pounds. That's about .86 stones, or 5.45 kilos for our overseas readers. That's two fucking babies.

As we watch, we find ourselves either entertained, disgusted, confused as to why a man would do such things, or some combination of all three emotions. We have begun to suspect that Adam Richman is not some mere mortal such as ourselves, but possibly a magical being of some lost folklore, a mythical god of mass consumption reincarnated and brought unto earth to toy with the emotions and hungering stomachs of man.

Possibly.

Yet regardless of whether Richman wins or loses against food or how we feel about his quest for total uncomfortable victory, in the end all we feel is jealousy. This guy gets to do what many mortals haven't been able to or have pushed aside numerous times in their lives: eat, travel, and generally have an awesome time. Meanwhile we sit on the couch in the dark as tears slowly fall into our bowls of Lucky Charms.