5 Reasons Why Ninjas Should Run Parliament

For centuries, ninjas have assassinated people, saved people, eaten creepy Japanese foods that no one else would eat, and what do they get, NOTHING! It’s time we take a stand, dammit! It’s time that we let ninjas become politicians!

#5. Great health policies

All ninjas have some form of medical training. Sometimes, during a top mega shush secret hush up mission, a ninja will be stabbed by a guard, and will be too hurt to do whatever they were supposed to be doing. That's when they bring out their super-mega-awesome-ninjaey-health-kit and whip up a potion thingy, or a bandage thing, or some sort of herbal painkiller, and treat the wound. Five minutes later -ready for work again. That's what we could be offering schools, hospitals, even the common house. Better than a lame non-ninja bandage, am I right?! Of course I am.

Ninja bandaids, pretty cool.

#4. Debates that are actually interesting to listen to

In a typical session of parliament, there will be a boring topic to talk about, with boring people giving long, boring speeches. All in all, the experience is kinda, well, boring. That is why the only people who listen or watches these debates is either a hansard, whose job it is to record everything they say, or the most boring members of the most boring newspapers with grey, boring hair and voices like this:

*jesus christ, i'll get another video soon. (ED)

Yeah, fun. BUT if ninjas were the presidents, pirates would be the opposition, which would be so mega awesome that even Perez Hilton would watch the meeting, then post all about it on his god awful blog. I'm still right.

#3. No need for presidential bodyguards

An average Ninja would take out 30 above average bodyguards with all four limbs severed off. Fact. And an above average ninja would take out 300 bodyguards, without any eyes or limbs, upside-down, and find Wally while he's at it. Another fact. So there isn't really any reasons to waste a few precious bodyguards on someone already more kickass than an invisible monkey sky diving, while knitting a floral printed sweater, with chopsticks, while tied up and on fire. Okay, maybe just slightly less kickass than that. Just. So, pampered stars with no upper body strength whatsoever, don't you fret, there are enough bodyguards to go around.

#2. Good-bye white house, hello white dojo!

A ninja president doesn't need big, empty rooms filled with paper work; they want wooden floors and bars, mats so they can spar with their ninja brethren, and a cool curvy roof. Thus, the white house must be demolished, to make room for the white dojo! The big dojo has a luxury bell for eating time, a pretty oriental pond, and all the cheese burgers in the world (because ninjas have ninja sized appetites)! The desks can be wherever the hell they want, because they are ninjas, and it probably isn't that good of an idea to cross someone who can kill you twelve times before you hit the floor, with a feather. The white dojo is mega awesome, think of the tourist attraction! People will be coming from Mars to see where the President of the United States beat the crap out of Uwe Boll! It will happen. One day.

#1. The most super special awesome Army in the universe

And damn skippy it will be! No more camo pants and face paint on troops, we are going black (if that wont offend people, nothing will)! We will look and be so awesome that enemy troops would just throw their weapons on the ground and kneel down to worship us! Guns VS Nunchaku, there isn't any competition, really. Also, awesome ninja masks, and we would have THE BEST SPIES! James Bond eat your heart out, we have ninjas on the defense forces now. With our new Intel data that we pick up with our ninja spies, we could figure everything out.