King Of The Hill

Yep. Yep. Yep. Mm-hmm.

Just The Facts

  1. Set in Arlen, Texas, which is 2000 miles away from Springfield.
  2. Ran for 13 seasons before being cancelled.
  3. Now that it's gone, The Simpsons is the only thing stopping Seth MacFarlane from ruling Fox.

Hank Hill

Yep

Hank is the all american man. He's patriotic, god-fearing, and loves his family. He works as assistant manager at Strickland Propane, where he sells propane and propane accessories (and he'll make sure that you are quite aware of this amazing fact).

Notable Quote: "I'm gonna kick your ass!"

He was potrayed by Ray Liotta in the film "Goodfellas", which, according to our research, was based off his life in the mafia (which he has managed to hide from everyone in the show).

Peggy Hill

Peggy's the less attractive one (on the right)

Peggy is Hank's obnoxious wife. She thinks she can speak spanish, pero normalmente termina puta mierda (we think that means she usually ends up makeing a fool of herself, but we'd appreciate it if people checked our work).

Quote- "Ho Yeah!"

Bobby Hill

Bobby with what is probably the best thing to happen to him (the asian chick, not the...well)

Bobby is Hank and Peggy's fat ass son. He somehow got a good looking asian girl to date him and then broke up with her. This would be considered odd if it wasn't for the fact that most people believe he's gay (not without good reason though).

We don't have a witty comment, we just wanted to include this.

Quote: "I don't like girls" (told ya)

Dale Gribble

Dale (following the switch to HD)

Dale is Hank's chain-smoking friend. He is a conspiracy theorist who is always convinced that "The Man" is after him (how did he know). His father is a member of the gay rodeo... because he's gay (he even has a filipeno partner).

Based off the numbers the number of cigerettes he has smoked throughout his life should've killed him long ago prompting us to believe he's an android. From this we have come to the conclusion that Dale is Swaim (upon questioning about this Swaim mysteriously vanished for a few days, so we still don't have a definite conclusion).

Quote: "Wingo!"

William "Bill" Fontaine De la Tour Dauterive

HD also improved Bill greatly

Hank's overweight, lazy, and chronicly depressed friend. His wife cheated on him after they were married for a few days and they divorced. Following the divorce Bill became an attention seeker and regularly does stupid stuff as a result. The moral of the story is "don't marry the first drunk slut to pass out in your lap at a concert" (advice which could've helped many of us).

He is somehow a member of the US Army, despite being overweight and out of shape. One episode shows that he managed to pass a physical due to the overseers accidentally forgetting to reset the treadmill after the last guy (which fails to explain how he managed to pass the other ones).

Quote: "Shut your skinny little no-hot dog eating eating mouth!"

Boomhauer

Dang ol' Boomhauer is the fast talkin' neighbor, man. He talks fast and is sometimes incomprehensible (which has now become a language called Boombonics, which is like ebonics except for rednecks). For the majority of the series little is known about him other than he's a lady's man who drives a Dodge Coronet.

At the very end of the show we find out his name is Jeff and he's a Texas Ranger. This explains how the guys were able to avoid prison for all the crap they did. It has also been hinted that he has on several occasions whored himself out to women.

Quote: "Yeah man, I tell ya what, man, that dang ol' internet, man, you just go in on there and point and click, talk about w-w-dot-w-com, mean you got nekkid chicks on there, man, just go click, click, click, click, click, it's real easy, man."

Other Characters

The Souphanousinphones- An asian family who moves in next door to the Hills. They're from Laos, which is either a part of China or Japan. Connie dates Bobby for a while before they break up and ruin any chance Bobby will ever get laid (unless he pays a hooker).

The Kleinschmidt- Luanne, her husband, Lucky, and their daughter, Lasagna (renamed Gracie after it became apparent that Luanne was fucked up on epidurals).

Stuart Dooley- He's laconic.

Cotton Hill- Hanks dad who killed "Fitty Men" and is missing his shins. These days he spends most of his time in a sewer below a bar with the rest of his war buddies (it makes more sense when you've seen the episode).

Cracked on King of the Hill

In a world where TV was dominated by shows appealing to lower IQs (we'll let you think of an example) and Infomercials there was one show that rose above the rest. Then there was King of the Hill, a show made by Mike Judge (the mind behind Beavis and Butthead). Unlike it's predecesor, King of the Hill focused on a somewhat normal group of people who you'd probably identify with (if you didn't yourself you probably knew someone like the characters).

In the show's 13 seasons it answered many long pondered questions like "What's the meaning of life" and "Just who in the fuck is Chuck Mangione".

All we know is that he lives in a toilet paper fortress in Wal-mart Mega-lo-Mart

It's humor was more sophisticated than other shows. For example, here's an excerpt from one episode:

Sheriff Mumford: Mr. Hill, Debbie's roommate Gayle's got an interesting alibi for the night of the murder. Says he was with you, sparking up a J.
Peggy: In English, please?
Sheriff: Lighting up a J.
Peggy (gasping in shock): Getting high?!

With all the golden knowledge we gained from this show we were still left with questions when it ended, like "Will Dale ever learn that his son is actually the result of his wife cheating on him" and "Seriously, who the fuck is Chuck Mangione".