The IPad

With the announcement that Apple would be attempting to corner the tablet computer market, rich hipsters everywhere rejoiced. After years of development, Steve Jobs claims to have blessed mankind with the very pinnacle of innovation.

Meet the $895 iTouch...


Just The Facts

  1. The iPad we were promised would have revolutionized the tablet market, and sold millions of units overnight.
  2. The iPad we got preforms like a special ed student, will not run more than one application at once, amazingly is exactly the wrong size to be portable, does not support flash, ...and still sold millions of units overnight
  3. Steve Jobs hates you...

But... it is so shiny... - iPad customer

When Steve Jobs first announced that he was was soon to be re-inventing the tablet computer, Apple junkies were pretty stoked. After all, Apple has always been a forerunner in terms of innovation and user friendly technology.

I dont know what your smokin... There is SO a market for this

However, everyone apperently forgot to take into account the Apple method of consumer testing.

Historically, this has been the logic behind most brain storming sessions:

  1. Is the public tired of all of our current products?
  2. If so, we need to come up with something new and exciting.
  3. Or we could just make a "newer" version of an old idea...

Sadly, step 2 is no longer with us ...

Attempting to understand the logic behind any Apple product when not sufficiently high may result in headsplosion. -Surgeon general

As I have said before, Apple drew heavily on the design of the iPhone and iTouch when creating the Pad. They may however have gone a little bit to far. The main selling point of the iTouch has always been portability. People will put up with the high price, low power, and overall un-friendlieness of iTunes, if you show them that they can now play Bloons while they are driving, and watch Jersey Shore during their professor's discourse on 18th century Venician flower pots . This logic breaks down slightly when you consider that the iPad is basicly a carbon copy with an extreme case of ellephantitis. It seems that all you are left with with is an overly expensive touch pad that is barely WI-FI capable.

Seriously Apple, I wish you would get with the program and start making stuff that made sense.

because we know how much you care about what I think....

The iPad is run exclusively by a 1ghz single cell processor and has 58 odd gigs of flash memory to work with... For those of you who know tech, that should seem slightly odd. For years, people have been wondering why, if they can buy a 20 gig flash drive for 30 bucks, their computer still uses an expensive hard drive. Flash memory is cheaper, faster by 10 times, and uses less power than your common drive, yet no one seems to use it as actual memory. The main reason that hard drives even still exist is that they are amazingly stable... Flash is not. A flash memory cell must constantly be refreshed to be used, and is easily corrupted by prolonged use.

In English? The more you use it, the worse it works.

It's a delicate balance...

What this translates into for a tablet that has already been cursed with a low power CPU is that after a few months of you showing all of your poor underprivleged friends just how behind the curve they are, your $900 tablet starts to get slower than a communist bread line and the three obsolete $300 netbooks they bought are still working harder than a chinese sweat shop on Chrismas eve.

Pictured: Your iPad attempting to run multiple programs without exploding into a cloud of Steve Job's middle fingers

So in Conclusion , you can buy this thing if you want, but I would definitely wait for the new and improved version which Apple will no doubt release just to screw with people in a year or so. If you want a computer that does all of the things that an iPhone can, but don't want such a needless bother as a cell phone built in, you might want to consider buying an iTouch

Presenting the future..... The iPad Nanno! *DOOOONNNNG*

P.S. *sigh* Who am i kidding, if Steve jobs slapped an Apple logo on a million dollar exploding segway cars would cease to exist in a week...

Peace out hippies }=)