Bad Romance

"Bad Romance" is the lead single for Lady Gaga's album "The Fame Monster". It also wears the crown for most terrifying music video in existence. It's also really existential, yo. Because Lady Gaga is really deep.

I could stare at myself all day!

Lady Gaga is 2010's truest fashionista.

Am I trying too hard?

Just The Facts

  1. Lady Gaga has a penis. But not really, ya'll! Tee hee.
  2. Lady Gaga is a true artist.
  3. Lady Gaga wants a man with one characteristic: a big dick. Nothing more, nothing less. But always classy.
  4. Lady Gaga has replaced the rainbow flag as the universal symbol of homosexuality.

A brief overview of "Bad Romance"

Apparently, this song is representative of more than getting trashed, having black-out drunk sex with some dude named Jesus and smoking heroin on the side of Riverside Drive with a bunch of homeless people. It's deeper than that, especially if you're gay (and not just in the anal penetration sort of way).

"Bad Romance" has a lot symbolic shit in it that's supposed to represent the occult and the "industry." Personally, I found myself wondering how big of a dump that Great Dane in the video must take because no amount of shit could possibly accumulate to the size of Lady Gaga's sense of style. I also thought the shrooms I had eaten earlier in the day were turning against me and plunging me into the depths of some kind of homosexual hell.

An Analytical Take on the Metaphysical and Socioeconomic Symbols in "Bad Romance"

The song's main lyrics are,

Ra ra ah ah ah...

Gaga ooh la la

Or something to that extent (I'm usually hammered whenever I hear this song so I never can quite get it right). On the surface level these verses appear to be some sort of nonsensical chant cranked out by the same Hollywood producers who wrote Britney Spear's "I Love Rock N' Roll."* But, these lyrics are deceiving. They represent the slave-producer relationship of Hollywood and its artists. The "ra, ra" is clearly Lady G's way of paying homage to the Egyptian sun god, Ra; the "ooh la la" is a throw back to the Coolio track of the same name. Combined together, she is clearly ranting about how Hollywood turns out superstars such as Coolio, rips their bleeding hearts out of their chest and devours them, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom style.

Other lyrics such as,

You know that I want you

You know that I need you

are intrinsically harder to ennumerate meaning from. The main reasoning behind these lyrics can possibly theorized as meaning that she is codependent upon another person, but Lady Gagaloo's songs are generally really too fucking deep for me to understand, so I think I may be stretching a little too far here.

The rest of the song goes something like,

I want your love and

I want your revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

Clearly the main devices of these lyrics place emphasis upon the "bad romance" terminology. Essentially what I eschew from this emphasis is that the romance is rocky, and pretty whorish. I mean, L.G. is kind of a slut, so it's probably about a one night stand. Personally, I wish she (but really her producers) would have written something more along the lines of Christina Aguilera's ode to female masurbation in "Dirrrty." That way Lady Gagalicious could have been more naked in the video. Apparently she has a penis.

*Err, sorry, I just found out that song was a remake of an old school song and that Britney Spears was the main producer behind the track.

It's actually about witches and shit...

Ignore everything I just wrote about what the song "Bad Romance" is actually about. Because in all actuality the song is about the occult and shit. It's way deeper than the, "It's alright, alright. Just dance..." lyrics of "Just Dance." Really ya'll, it is.

She likes to be penetrated, and this song's case she wants to be penetrated by the industry's evil influence. She wants to be raped (but like rape as in the Kristen Stewart definition of the word, not like the Mike Tyson version of the word).

This one article says that she's singing to the Illuminati. I had no idea that this video had anything to do with "The Da Vinci Code" but I may be misunderstanding who the Illuminati are/were. Also, she wants to sell herself to the Russsian mafia or something, and it probably has to do with the Cuban Missile Crisis during the Cold War era, but I missed out on that reference too.

The video is filled with iconic symbols and costumes that people, especially gay people and the cast of "Glee" love to dress up in.

Apparently the costume has to do with some shit about sensory deprivation, and as the video progresses her ectasy tripping /"innocent" eyes become glazed over by get this... The Fame Monster and her senses awaken! It's so fuckin' money!

You just feel soooo soft!

Later there's some obligatory lesbianism because Lady Gaga has a penis and all. Then there's some creepy dancing, and some really bad shit to watch if you've recently ingested LSD. Mainly, Lady Gaga naked.

There's also some goat heads which represent that goat from "Drag Me to Hell" who tried to kill Alison Lohman multiple times and then there's a polar bear rug to send a big fat, "Fuck You" to PETA as well as to remind Damon Lindleof and Carlton Cuse (the creators of "Lost") that they never answered a bajillion (literal) questions about where the hell those damn polar bears came from.

Then the video ends with Lady Gaga setting the Russian mafioso dude's bed on fire. I guess her vagina has a lot of STDs or something to that extent, but my extensive one website research on the video told me that its represent of her sacrificing Baphomet, the undergod of something, for her place in the music industry. That shit blew my mind.