Exchange Students

There comes a time when graduate students start asking themselves a very important question - and no, it's not when to start to study for those pesky finals - it's to whether they should do exchange studies and where.

Pictured: a very important question you'll ask yourself in your student lifetime in flowchart form.

Just The Facts

  1. The European Union has its own exchange studies programme: the Erasmus Programme has been operating since 1987 and ever since more than 1.5 million graduate students have participated in it.
  2. Around 183.000 students participated in the Erasmus Programme in the academic year of 2007/2008.
  3. English is the most spoken language during your exchange studies. Other notable languages spoken include German, French, Spanish and most importantly Druken Slur.
  4. Independently on whether you learn your host country's language, you'll learn within the first few days all the profanity and curse words available in said language.
  5. Exchange studies are best described as "a riotous life abroad of non-stop parties and lovemaking" mainly because university students like their 'sexy time'.

The typical exchange student

Exchange studies are the best opportunity to reinvent yourself and your personality. You can easilly go from being the Grand Moff of Nerd back home to become the most badass-awesomest-high fivin' guy or girl: just chug down a few beers in the first party and you're in.

The typical exchange student lives on a tight budget: between paying for housing, travelling, drinking, partying, more drinking, more partying and then some more drinking, very few money is actually left for living expenses, and yet, they pull it off somehow each month. That's why in the future you'll want to vote for exchange students to office as they will undoubtedly be the most capable persons to govern a country.

You'll find more use for your Facebook account other than just playing Farmville and sending kisses and pillow fights and some other shit that makes no sense whatsoever, as you'll need it to keep track of all the parties, events and pictures in which you are tagged that have no business in ever being shown to the internet. These pictures will come back to bite you in ass, unless they are pictures of you actually being bit in the ass - in this case, you're completely screwed.

The best part of being an exchange student is, of course, living alone: regardless on whether you're quartered in a student dorm or residence - or if you belong in the lucky one who are able to rent an apartment - you'll be noticeably lacking in the department of having someone yell at you 'clean up your goddamn room' or 'don't stay around the house pantless'. The latter, of course, has been termed by specialists as "sweet"

Like this, but at your dinner table.
Sort of like this, but at your dinner table.

The exchange student way of life

Depending on your host university, most schools make arrangements through their Students' Union to have some sort of reception.

Pictured: An exchange students' reception, the most fun exchange students can have without alcohol or sex involved.

Afterwards, you'll have to enroll in some courses (which you won't attend), hand in some reports (which will be completed just before deadline while you have the worst hangover ever from the night before) and generally go to parties and drink yourself stupid (which you'll totally do, because come on).

The first few weeks will mainly consist of getting shitfaced every other night (alternatively every night if you have the endurance) and just getting to know the city you're in and the best bars and clubs to hang around in.

As time goes on, friends will visit you and with them bring the joy of duty-free liquor and booze; your parents will wire you some extra money because you'll sound "thin" and "not eating right" via Skype and, if you have a girlfriend / boyfriend, you get the best booty call ever when they visit you; if you don't have a significant other by the time you're doing your exchange studies, you'll soon learn the joys and exotic arts of sex featuring moaning and grunts in a foreign language.

It is worth noting that you'll also keep getting shitfaced at parties just because. This brings us to our next topic of exchange students' life.

Parties, Drinking and Sex: A Controversial Look at Exchange Students' Daily Routine

So, you've finally settled down and actually attended some classes and completed some courses. Congratulations are in order and what better way to celebrate other than have some batshit crazy party at your flat?

"Having a batshit crazy party at your flat and waking up with the old woman on the bottom left, of course!"

After the first contact - read, the first lay - with other exchange students, you'll start wanting to have some sort of contact with the natives - read, have some sort of sex with the natives.

It's a hard and tough process, convincing a native that you're not in fact trying to miscigenate with the locals to conquer them later on: it usually comes down to you being a foreigner and exchange student and that's it.

Going to parties is the best way to achieve this as the alcohol will serve it's social lube function and you'll keep your social commitments of actually leaving your apartment and putting on some pants (See above section of "The typical exchange student").

At this point, Cracked.com is mandated by law to inform the "bros" that while, yes, it's awesome to have sex with girls with many different nationalities you do not get any Achievements for your Xbox Live of PSN profile.

The easiest way to get drunk with fellow exchange students is to:

a) play drinking games (Ring of Fire, Beer Tree and Fuck the Dealer are crowd favorites as they need only a deck of cards);

b) play drinking games that your fellow exchange students play in their home countries - you'll suck at it and get drunk in no time;

c) make your own drinking games;

d) just drink whatever you have whenever you feel like it.

Most exchange students' parties include heavy drinking, a good time all around and many, many Borat quotes from shitfaced dudes.

Including fan favorites 'I like sex!' and 'I like the sexy time!' or alternatively 'Is nice, I like!'. Also, above pictured: boobs.

These steps will insure some next day crazy hangovers, awkward 'walks of shame' the next morning, high fives from your roommates when your lay leaves your apartment and last but in no amount least important, pictures of you doing embarrassing things that you most definitely don't want posted on Facebook (Again, see above section of "The typical exchange student").

The after-exchange studies life of an exchange student

The Post-Erasmus Syndrome is an actual term coined by Fiorella de Nicola, an Italian sociologist, in her aptly named thesis 'Anthropology of the Erasmus Student'. This syndrome consists of having a hard time adapting back to your former lifestyle, difficulties in sharing your experiences with other people, general apathy and can lead to some serious problems such as depression and returning to your nerdy ways and no longer being a badass exchange student that can drink like a god from Valhalla.

When you return home, you're no longer the exchange student. You can say farewell to those awesome parties. But on the other hand, you can say hello to the exchange students' parties of your school!

After being an exchange student, you know exactly what they want: parties, drinks and sex. So now that you're playing with homefield advantage, you'll be able to give back what you were given during your stay abroad: you'll impress your new foreign friends with the best places in your city to go out and get hammered, show them your city and stuff like that and as a good host you will even have sex with them, because fuck it, exchange students (Note that Xbox Live and PSN Achievements are still not available for this action).

Not even if you bang all those girls at the same time, bro.