5 Most Annoying Jokes Of All Time

Some jokes make you ROFL. Some jokes make you LOL. Some jokes may even make you ROFLAMEPAL (roll on the floor laughing and maybe even peeing a little). But let's face it: most of the jokes you hear daily just make you want to pull out your hair.

Exhibit A.

Just The Facts

  1. Many annoying jokes are only annoying because they were over-told.
  2. Had they not been over-told, they may have been funny.
  3. Unfortunately, they were over-told and thus may make you want to kill yourself (or someone else).

The Most Annoying Joke of All Time

The Joke:

Annoyer: Knock-knock.

Annoyee: Who's there?

Annoyer: Banana.

Annoyee: Banana who?

Annoyer: Knock-knock.

Annoyee: Who's there?

Annoyer: Banana.

Annoyee: Banana who?

Annoyer: Knock-knock.

Annoyee: Who's there?

Annoyer: Orange.

Annoyee: Orange who?

Annoyer: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Annoyee: No.

Annoyee goes on to shoot himself in the mouth.

Cracked on "Orange you glad I didn't say banana":

Everyone knows this joke. And everyone hates this joke. It is so obscenely long, obnoxious, and repetitive that, were the "banana" part repeated one more time, this joke may cause the release of excess amounts of stomach acid in the form of vomit and possibly the expulsion of other unpleasant bodily fluids.

In fact, scientists have theorized that the amount of annoyingness (the unit of which is miliAndyDicks) of this joke is directly proportional to the amount of times that this joke is told in the presence of one who has heard it. Unfortunately, due to the lethal nature of jokes on this scale of miliAndyDicks, this has not, and probably never will, be tested.

How Annoying This Joke Is (using miliAndyDicks):

600,000, when told the first time.

Runner Up To The Most Annoying Joke of All Time

The Joke:

Annoyer: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Annoyee: ...

Annoyer: To get to the other -

Annoyer was hit in the head by a .50 caliber bullet before he could complete the joke.

Cracked on "To get to the other side":

The stereotypical five-year-old joke, "Why did the chicken cross the road" does not even have a punch line. It would be clever if the last line was replaced with something like, "To prove to the possum that it could be done," but it isn't.

If only....

Instead, we are subjugated to a meaningless yet obvious "joke." We at Cracked have made the executive decision that anyone who makes this joke in the office will get killed, anyone who heard the joke will be hospitalized, and anyone in the general vicinity of this joke will be forced to relinquish a year of pay in order to pay for the listener's pain.

How Annoying This Joke Is (using miliAndyDicks):

525,600 mADs.

Coming In Third As The Most Annoying Joke of All Time

The Joke:

Any joke of the form, "Chuck Norris doesn't (verb), he (verbs)" or "Chuck Norris doesn't (verb) (noun), (noun) (verb)s Chuck Norris".

For example:

Annoyer: Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Annoyee: Oh God....

Annoyer: Want to hear another? Chuck Norris doesn't check under his bed for the bogeyman, the bogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris!

Annoyee: Oh God... not another...!

Annoyer: Chuck Nor-

Annoyee dives off the nearest cliff.

Annoyer: Come on, it wasn't that bad.

Cracked on Chuck Norris jokes:

Chuck Norris starred on Walker Texas Ranger and has a black belt. He has had some cameos in movies and has played some parts, but that's about all he has going for him. That's the whole reason he is as famous as he is: he took five years out of his life to get a black belt and played a major role in a stupid television show.

If his fanbase was any geekier, it would be written in Klingon.

We at Cracked don't think he deserves the fame he has. He's just a redneck with a TV show. Hell, he is seventy-fucking-years-old. and watches Glenn Fucking Beck. To quote him, "But the reason why I wrote my book, too, Glenn actually, it was from watching your show for forever and just listening to the things that are going on." That was from Glenn Beck's site.

So, to sum it up... we want FDR to have jokes. Not Chuck Norris.

How Annoying This Joke Is (using miliAndyDicks):

300,522 mADs.

The Honorable Mention of Fourth Place As The Most Annoying Joke

The Joke:

Annoyer: So, as everyone knows, two different species (flavors) of cheerios cannot mate, right? That is, if one is honey-nut and another is blueberry, they cannot mate. Anyway, there is this one normal cheerio that is in love with a blueberry cheerio. Unfortunately, he cannot mate with her. He can't even communicate with her because they are of different species. So, he invents a machine that changes all of his CNA (Cheerio DNA) into whichever type of cheerio that he wants. However, this machine performs a process that is extraordinarily painful, because that sort of thing would hurt. Anyway. He does it, and the normal flavored cheerio becomes a blueberry cheerio. Unfortunately, this girl cheerio hates him so much that she invents an identical machine and does the process on herself in order to become a cinnamon-apple cheerio, just so she can avoid this creeper. So, she does it. The boy cheerio is starting to get upset at this because he really wants her. So he tells himself that he will go through the pain for her, and becomes a cinnamon-apple cheerio. She then changes to a honey-nut cheerio! He decides that this is the last time that he will change cheerio type. He does it, and she changes one more time, into a normal cheerio - the kind he originally was. So he says out loud, "Okay, this is really the last time. If she changes again, I will just stay back with my family." So he becomes a normal cheerio again, and she doesn't change fast enough for him to put his moves on her. So, they start dating, and he finally asks her to the Formal Bowl (ahaha, get it, bowl instead of ball). Anyway, they get there and dance intensely for a few hours. Finally, they get tired and she sends the boy cheerio to the milk bowl (you know, since it's a cereal dance, they have that and punch). He gets there and stands in line for ten minutes. Finally fed up at the really long line, he looks over at the bowl of punch and realizes there is no punch line.

Annoyee: I'll give you a punch line.

Annoyee punches Annoyer in the face, causing him to bleed. It will be months before he finds out that the cut on his face from the Annoyee's punch will leave a scar, forever giving him a "punch line."

Note from the editors: That wasn't funny.

Cracked on Unbearably Long Jokes With Crappy (Or Lack There Of) Punchlines:

That was a huge waste of time for us. Thank you. There goes two hours of our lives. Dick.

If you haven't noticed, most jokes that are this long with this bad of a punch line just aren't funny. They are usually just stupid puns. Whenever a joke is told like this, it is quite likely that someone, somewhere, will be punched in the face (most likely, it is the annoyer's face that takes the blow, but it has been known to occur to others).

Like this.

How Annoying This Joke Is (using miliAndyDicks):

5 mADs for the punch line, 72,000 mADs for the length of the joke that preceded it.

Last But Not Least At Fifth Place As The Most Annoying Joke

The Joke:

Any joke of the form "A (noun) and a (noun) walk into a (place)..."

Note: The only version of this joke that is not one of the most annoying is the "A baby seal walks into a club."

For example:

Annoyer: A priest and a rabbi walk into the bar. The bar tender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Annoyee facepalms.

Cracked on "A (noun) and a (noun) walk into a (place)...":

Don't get us wrong - the occasional bar joke is kind of funny, especially when it is in extraordinarily bad taste.

Think of the possibilities!

However, this type of joke is overused far too much. The structure makes it predictable, and when you have heard the same opening a hundred times, you will want to kill everyone in your general vicinity. Thus, like the first joke, hearing this type of joke multiple times in a short span of time may lead to so-called "Hemorrhoid Rage."

How Annoying This Joke Is (using miliAndyDicks):

62,104 mADs.