Pippi Longstocking

Pippi Longstocking is a ginger kid, therefor soulless and awful by any measure.

pictured: evil

Just The Facts

  1. Full name: Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Mackrelmint Ephraim's Daughter Longstocking
  2. based on a series of fictional books written by Astrid Lindgren (AKA swedish guy) to entertain his daughter
  3. Pippi Longstocking has been made into several movies, cartoons, and tv shows since 1969

The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking

First off, let me just say that this movie was made in the late eighties, so it was bound to be an hour and a half of terrible. I was right. After watching the movie 5 times in 1 weekend, I could only draw one conclusion: whoever made the movie hates orphans.

why aren't you tossing ice cream into his eyes? they stop the tears.

why aren't you throwing ice cream into their eyes? it stops the tears.

There's also a whole song dedicated to running away from home. And its not a sad tune, either. They're practically shouting it with joy. Thats not the only song in the movie with questionable lyrics.

I'll just ignore the part (around 0:50) where she spins around and jets of water spew forth from her arm pits and cause the other children to be knocked down by the sheer force of all the madness. Oh no, thats not the worst part. She makes the children doubt their own mother's wisdom: "You'll catch a death of cold!" "Who ever died of being cold?" "That's what my mom always says" "Your mom is a whore bag" [more or less word for word] . What bothers me the most is that every chorus ends with: "We make everything get wet!"



After burning down the orphanage (what did I say about hating orphans?), Turning herself into a human helicopter, and basically being run out of town by every citizen there, she somehow gets welcomed back. Something about them "learning a lesson". Her long lost father shows up and then leaves again, promising to check up on her every now and then.

The Future

I think the best thing that can be done at this point is to make an updated version of this movie. Keep all the fantasticly bad parts and pair it with an equally bad star

sweet, sweet Lindsay moose

sweet, sweet Lindsay moose

you know... for the kids