The Indianapolis Colts ( that's right Baltimore) are a National Football League located in Indianapolis, Indiana.

The U stands for unbeatable

Colts Fans ain't nuthin to fuck with

We even built them their own stadium after only one super bowl. Because homeless people suck

Just The Facts

  1. The Colts were originally from Baltimore, where they won one super bowl
  2. In 1984, owner Bob Irsay moved them to Indianapolis, due to general Baltimore douchiness
  3. Baltimore is still pissed about this, mainly because they're stuck with the Ravens


The colts franchise began in 1913 as a tem called the Daytona Triangles, officially winning the award for blandest team name. They then moved around a bit to Brooklyn and finally settled down in a quaint little port city named Baltimore. There they flourished. The late, great Johnny Unitias was traded from Pittsburgh. The almighty U led Baltimore to 2 NFL championships. No not Super Bowls, this was back when each league was autonomous and had its own championship. Like baseball, but competent. After the merger of the AFL and NFL into just the NFL, almighty U led them to Super Bowl III( Technically this was the first one called a "Super Bowl" but who really gives a shit). They were playing against the Joe Namath led New York Jets and were heavily favored. After a decidedly unexciting game the Jets upset the Colts, 16-7. Later they entered Super Bowl V and the almighty U got his bowl. They then began what is now known by colts fans as "The Age of Clusterfuck Pt.1"


After 8 losing seasons, owner Carroll Rosenbloom decided the Colts needed to get their shit together. He announced the Colts would not return to Memorial Stadium after their lease had expired. Motivations included money, asshole Orioles( with whom they shared Memorial Stadium), and his wife wanting to move. Robert Irsay took over ownership soon thereafter. Baltimore Mayor Bill Schaefer formed a stadium commitee to replace the decidedly shitty Memorial Stadium; which had bad seating, insufficient space, and inadequate office space for either team. That's the perfect reason to spend millions on a stadium, no office space. The proposed " Baltodome" was shot down by the Maryland Legislature. Bob then began shopping to Colts, first to Arizona ( future home of the Cardinals), Indianapolis ( SPOILER), and later to LA ( no football for you, but at least they have the Lakers), Memphis ( who don't have even that) and Jacksonville( home of the Jaguars). It was around here that Indy started revamping itself, and began construction on the Hoosier Dome, later the RCA Dome, in order to lure an NFL team. Maryland's government continued being assholes, so Bob eventually narrowed it down to Arizona and Indianapolis. He visited Indianapolis and made the choice there, after crying over how FUCKING SWEET THE DOME IS! The Maryland legislature performed a what is widely considered a "dick" move by moving to seize the Colts for the city of Baltimore by eminent domain. Bob was having none of that shit. One night at 2:00 am he loaded the entire team into moving trucks ( Mayflower's to be specific) and traveled to Indy. This led to Baltimore getting pissed, Schaefer crying, and Indiana being like " What now Bitches?!". But do not fret my children, for now they have the....uh.....Ravens.Never mind, go ahead and pity them.

Finally, the End

Despite new coaches and a brave new city, the Colts kept sucking. This is now known as " The Age of Clusterfuck Pt. 2: The Revenge". This was an era where they had 12 straight non-playoff seasons, and became one of the few teams to ever finish a season 1-15. They were the Ringo of football. The 1995 season was one of the few bright spots, where young Jim Harbaugh led the Colts to the AFC championship but lost to the Steelers. After this, they drafted Marvin Harrison and became mediocre, rather than just sucky. Then, God spun the wheel of fate and led young hotshot quarterback Peyton Manning to the Colts. The Golden Age had begun. It is at this time I must make mention of Jim Mora. You're welcome. Moving on, the Colts had several winning season, winning the AFC East a few times. In 2002 Tony Dungy joined the team as Head Coach. This was when the Colts began kicking ass. They consitently owned their opponents and had superb seasons, but there was one spanner the works. BRAAAAAAADDDDDDYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was when the infamous Colts-Patriots rivalry began. Time and Time again the Patriots beat the Colts, often during pivotal games and thrice during the playoffs. In 2006, it all changed. The Colts had a great season and made it all the way to the AFC championship in Indianapolis. Excitement was high, and the Colts won, going to their first Super Bowl while in Indy. In Miami they played the Chicago Bears, and after a rather wet yet sexy game the colts won. Tony Dungy became the first black coach to win the Super Bowl an Manning was named MVP. From here the Colts were considered on of the best teams in the NFL. They started almost every season following this undefeated, and are currently considered one of the best teams of the decade. In 2008, Jim Caldwell replaced Dungy as coach. He promptly led them to their second Super Bowl, to again be played in Miami against the New Orleans Saints.