The Ramones

"The Ramones" is the term decided upon by scientific consensus for the tumultuous cultural upheaval which took place between the years of 1974 to 1996. This upheaval acted in many ways as a purging of toxic culture which had built up.

You will never be this cool

Just The Facts

  1. The Ramones are effortlessly cool
  2. You will never be as cool as The Ramones
  3. Don't feel bad, nobody else will either (it's been scientifically proven)


Joey was born on Krypton, with the birthname Kal-el. His father, Jor-el, knew Krypton would be destroyed, so he created a space ship, put baby Joey in it, wrapped him in his favorite black leather blanket and sent him to Earth. Upon landing in Queens, NY, he is adopted by a family known as the Ramones, with a set of triplet brothers, Dee Dee, Johnny and Tommy. Joey grows up with the Ramones, but soon finds he has the super-human power to bang rocks together and generate brilliant rock music. The Ramones decide not to harness this power for the good of rock'n'roll, but rather to use it to rule the world.


His reptilian appearence is natural to those from Krypton

Dee Dee

Dee Dee, the oldest triplet (by 45 minutes) played bass in The Ramones. Dee Dee, however, was not raised with his brothers. He was kidnapped from the hospital at birth and brought to Louisiana, where he was raised by the LeBeau Clan Thieves Guild. After the long and boring story that is Gambit's Dee Dee's origin, he returns to Queens to rejoin his brothers to take over the world with the evil power of punk rock.


He's eyeing someones wallet


Johnny, from birth, was endowed with an unnatural talent for the guitar. At 3 years old, he could already thrash faster than guitar players 20 times as experienced as he. As he reached his teen years, however, he began to experiment with drugs and alchohol. Soon, he found guitar to be too "pedestrian," and decided "guitar solos are for pussies." He immediately began the process of unlearning guitar, resulting in the hellstorm of trash guitar heard on Ramones records.


Johnny's triumphant return to guitar picks, after experimenting with a sledge hammer


Tommy, the youngest brother, was often picked on by his older brother Johnny. He was told many times to "stop being a pussy," because that was "why Dee Dee left." Living constantly in his brother's shadow, Tommy did what any younger brother (by 45 minutes to Dee Dee, 20 to Johnny) would do. He got really good at fighting. After physically abusing his brother for most of their adolescent lives, Johny convinced Tommy to channel his strength into drumming, instead of assault. This resulted not only in The Ramones' rhythm section, but Tommy's (almost) clean legal record.


He's eyeing Johnny.

Replacement Ramones

After Tommy died (fighting crime) in 1978, The Ramones began cycling through cousins. Marky Ramone, Richie Ramone, Elvis Ramone, then to Marky Ramone. In 1989 Dee Dee, too, died fighting crime, and was replaced by CJ Ramone. Though the band was no longer the punk rock super power it once was, and not nearly as cool, it is important to note, they were still at least 50 time as cool as any other band.