Battle Toads

Battletoads was created for the sole purpose of rivaling the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but utterly failed it, although it's still a decent game...we guess.

You made me hate myself Rash, fuck you.

To be fair, no one likes Rare games

Just The Facts

  1. It is arguably one of the most graphically advanced video games ever released for the NES.
  2. We argue it was an IMPOSSIBLE FUCKING GAME.
  3. There is a lack of Battletoads on this Earth, it is unclear why.

How/Why this game is so difficult?

Let's get the why out of the way: Rare hates people, and they wanted to go bankrupt, so they decided to fuck everyone over who decided to play this game.

Now the how. First, there were no cheats. By itself, doesn't sound terrible, right? Wrong. There were no checkpoints, saves, or an option to turn off friendly fire. That's right, if you were playing with a friend, you could perhaps kill them even though you didn't want too. That means that you would have to play from beginning to end pretty much non-stop, or you'd have to restart everytime you wanted to play.

What else is wrong with this game?

The names. Fuck you Rare, fuck you. Zitz, Rash, and Pimple were the names of the characters. Remembering they had to compete with the behemoth that is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, named after revolutionary thinkers in their day (Donatello, Raphael, Leonardo, and Michael Angelo) you'd think they would give them a fighting chance.

Did we mention the difficulty? Most people can barely get through the first two levels without getting killed, and c'mon 3 continues in the entire game? That's fucked up.