Mongolian Death Worms

Sure, Japan has pretty freaky monsters. But none of them are actually lose-your-shit terrifying. For that, we'd have to take a field trip to Mongolia, and and meet this bad-ass mother-fucker.

Pictured: bad-ass mother-fucker

Pictured: What the Fuck

Just The Facts

  1. It can kill you three different ways: Electricity, Acid, and your guts coming out of you asshole when you cream yourself.
  2. Looks kind of like a bloody dick.
  3. Have a thing for the color Yellow...
  4. Would make a hell of a Pokemon!

What The Hell is That?!?!?

That thing was found in Mongolia, deep in the northern Gobi desert. Some dude just found it. A three foot worm skeleton. In the desert. Holy Shit. And before you freak out and yell "WORMS DON'T HAVE BONES!" in the comments, I know. That's a protective covering. You know. Cause of the sand. Where they burrow and whatnot, so they can come up from underneath you, Tremors-style. But more on that later.

The native Mongolians call it the olgoi-khorkhoi, with literally means "intestine worm", as in "worm that looks like some dude's intestine", not "worm that actually live in some dude's intestine".

One of those things is probably in your intestine RIGHT NOW. Sorry, did I say one? I meant twenty.

The Worm Itself

As the name implies, it looks like some dudes intestine. It's bright red in color, and is speckled with dark blotches sometimes, much like the cast of Jersey Shore. The Worms are purportedly (fancy word meaning "Guy who knows a guy says that�) between 2 to 5 feet long and thick bodied. Sometimes, they are said to have spikes on the end, as if a massive, blood-colored worm wasn't terrifying enough. That sound bad? It gets worse, kind of how Care Bears are pretty bad, but the Pedobear is worse.

Damn he's freaky

Take this particularly delightful quote from Wikipedia: "The Mongolians say that the olgoi-khorkhoi can kill at a distance, either by spraying an acid-like substance or by using an electrical discharge." What. The. Fuck. The Acid is believed to be sulfuric acid, which is so acidic, it kills any living thing in the places where it bubbles up, like in Ethiopia. At any rate, the Mongolians believe that it can corrode metal. Not only that, but the thing is basically a five-foot taser, and say that touching any part of its body will cause instant death. Also, it has a thing for the color yellow. The same way that Rambo has a thing for killing people with pretty much anything he has on him, like Bear Grylls has a thing for being grossly irresponsible, or Obama has a thing for not living up to expectations.

Then Again...

What Else Could This Be?

1) A Type of Land-Based Electric Eel

One popular belief is that the Mongolian Death Worm is a type of land-based electric eel, an adapted hanger-on from thousands of years ago when the Gobi Desert was an inland sea. Electric eels do actually come to the surface every ten minutes or so to breathe air. So it's possible that an animal of this sort could adapt to live on land once its watery romping ground had dried out. Then again, no known electric eels can emit poison.

2) A Figment of Mongolian Imagination

You know� Maybe they made this shit up� just to scare.. us�

*hides under covers*

One thing you gotta consider is that the Gobi Desert is one of the emptiest places on Earth. The people who live there are thousands of miles apart. And they rarely have block-parties so it isn't like they even know those people anyways. So how is it that seemingly everyone knows about this thing?�

3) A Snake

You've all heard of the infamous "Spitting Snake", right? It's not too hard to think that there could be a huge one, and it could be blood red. Hell, in the desert, that would make sense!

Only problem: Snakes can't shock people. The few anymals that can generate an electric charge all live in the water. So it ends up being the reverse of the Eel up there.

No matter what what this thing is, I'm gonna go ahead and play it safe� by avoiding anything that could ever make me end up in Mongolia and burning all my yellow shirts. They go for that sort of thing, you know?

Yeah, like tha- Wait, What the Fuck?
Yeah, like tha- Wait, What the Fuck?