Risk

No more than a glorified game of bones on a map, RISK is also the board game of choice for would-be world conquerors (too poor for Axis and Allies).

Game Board

Computer Version of Risk

Just The Facts

  1. Originally released in 1957 by a Frenchman (that explains a lot, actually).
  2. Turn-based strategy focused on capturing territories and continents to earn armies.
  3. Why can't I hold Asia?!?!?!
  4. Is not at all reflective of how to conquer the world.

Classic RISK:

Let's start with some pretty big ground rules for the gameplay:

1. Some people claim to be good at Risk. This is false; there is no such thing.
2. Under no circumstances should you take this game seriously. You are pretending to "conquer" the entirety of "North Africa" with a an "attack" (roll of the dice) using plastic "armies"...any game that requires that many sarcastic quotations in its description is unworthy of seriousness.
3. If you do take the game seriously, this is ironic because no one will play with you and thus you will have no way to actually play.

Setup
We're not going to read tha manual for you

Invading Countries, Vegas-style

Variant Ways to Play

Capital Victory. Each player has a "capital" in one of their territories. The player to capture all capitals wins, regardless of the standing on the rest of the board. This version this often leads to much shorter gameplay. This is also known as "Bullshit Victory" because it's really a race to see who can get the highest number of armies in one sitting and is often won by the douche who will simply make a "mad grab" successfully.


Mr. Pratt, shortly after employing "mad-grab" strategy on his Capital Risk opponents, and his balls

Secret Mission. At the beginning of the game each player draws a card. On that card, the player is given a "mission" (i.e., "hold all the territories in Asia") to accomplish, and the first player to complete their mission and rub it in everyone's faces is the winner.

Veteran Risk players (

Strategy

So you want to win a game of Risk but aren't sure how, huh?

RISK Editions

Risk is the strategy world's Monopoly---if you can find a war-based franchise that wants to milk its fans for all they're worth, you bet your ass there's a RISK edition for it. Furthermore, there's other editions for people who wanted something more interesting than the original version and still haven't heard of video games. Here's a rundown on the different editions of note (note: none are actually of note):

RISK: 2210 A.D.
Set in the year (spoiler alert) 2210, there's little reason for this edition to exist since everyone knows the world and all its plastic armies will end in 2012, but Hasbro indulges in your denial anyway. This edition of the game uses the same 42 territories as the original map (with altered, futuristic names like calling all of China "Hong Kong"...woo) and funny little oceanic and moon territories. Gameplay is changed by the addition of new advantage-granting cards, generals, and an in-game currency of "energy". This edition is far more replayable in the long run because the new elements make it less predictable, but no less shameful.

RISK: Godstorm
Similar to 2210, Godstorm's RISK has gameplay-altering "gods" in place of generals, "temples" in place of bases, and mythology-related bonus cards. The notable innovation for Godstorm is the creation of an entirely new map based around an ancient conception of the world, focused on the Mediterranean area as drawn by a child with motor deficiencies and adding Atlantis off the coast of Iberia.

RISK: Star Wars