iPad
This week, Apple unveils a new Tablet computer that is being hailed as the heir apparent to the iPhone ... right up until people saw it. As anyone familiar with movie trilogies can tell you, the first two are the easy part ...
A Laptop Without a Keyboard or a Camera That Can't Multitask? Yeah, There's an App for That.
Ever been using your Kindle and then tried to open a webpage on it and realized, "Oh yeah, this isn't my iPhone." Ever pick up your iPhone and try to read a book on it, and realize it's just not colorful enough for your reading needs? Ever wish your iPhone were bigger and couldn't make telephone calls? If so, Steve Jobs made your day yesterday.
If not, you're probably just as baffled as the rest of us about the hype over the Apple Tablet. The personal computer, named the iPad, was the most hotly anticipated gadget release since Sarah Jessica Parker finally got physical proof that Matthew Broderick wasn't gay.
POW! Right in the pants!
But based on Jobs presentation, it's just like the tablet PCs that have been less than popular for the last 7 years, only without a keyboard. It's got a touchscreen keyboard that look just as easy to type with as Jobs said the iPhone was going to be...
Which is to say, it looks like it'll be a horrible pain in the ass.
The Jobs Factor: He Certainly Seemed Confident
But it seemed foolish to go into this thing totally cynical. There was a lot of hype heading into the iPhone unveiling, and that seemed to work out ok. So what could he possibly have up his sleeve, besides more black turtlenecks?
"Under this black turtleneck and you will find another, and another. Just black turtlenecks for days."
Cracked.com's Apple Tablet / Duck Hunt / Pelican Brief (Otherwise Known As Things We Were Wrong About)
The Apple tablet was rumored to have a webcam for videoconferences, presumably to make a YouTube movie of yourself sorting your own iTunes collection. But when you combined that with rumors that the iTablet would "recognize" which family member is holding it, Apple's interest in voice input software, and Nintendo's patented "Duck Hunt" technology, things started to get more interesting. If the iPad had a camera that could not only see you, but recognize gestures, it stood to reason that we could be dealing with a computer you control using hand gestures from across the room.
Yep, like that. But with more pornography.
Instead we got something that fulfilled our worst fears. It's just a goddamn big iPod Touch. It can't multi task, it can't place phone calls, it doesn't even have a goddamn camera.
Imagine the possibilities!
I read this on my HP touchpad that I got for $99. HP > Apple.
ReplyI'm also reading this on my iPad first gen. I'm waiting for the iPad 3 before updating.
ReplyI'm reading this on an iPad...
ReplyIt's a thinner sleeker laptop that does twice as less... brilliant! I'd actually consider buying one if it combined the features of the iphone into the design. blue tooth technology could set this product free, although I'm not sure how easy it would be to use it as a camera/camcorder.
ReplyAll of you are full of crap.......the iPad is awesome typing on it is incredibly easy, the touch screen is very sensitive and state if the art, and it doesn't freeze up and constantly tell you your about receive a virus like f*****g windows........I support iPad and Apple! Whoever wrote this was probably some dumb piece of s**t that went into an apple store and attempted to use an iPad and didn't know what the f**k he was doing.......
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesThe editor of Cracked wrote this...
Pandapple would eat anal fissures if they had Apple logos.
All you did while telling this guy who has a successful business critiquing everything about humans is that he is right, you proved his point for him. And apparently everybody in the world who cannot operate an apple product is unintelligent. Think Einstein would have wasted his time with an iPad if he were alive today?
Windows > Apple. Get off of Steve Jobs' zombie dick.
Jack Obrian, I hate you.
ReplyYou know what else works just as well if not better than the iPad? A laptop or a phone with web access and a camera (and what phone doesn't seem to have that nowadays?) In other words, s**t that we already have. Thanks, Apple =P
ReplyAll the hype just seems stupid. And still, there are millions of retards out there who will believe it and buy the piece of s**t called iPad. Which proves a point - put "i" infront of something aaaaaandddd....sold!
ReplyThe new iShit and iFuckYou will be in stores next week.
Brilliant!
I can't help but notice you have several pics on there that show the iPad with more than four icons on its dock. Stop mocking/crushing my dreams plz, Steve Jobs did that enough already.
ReplyAre those hands or claws in that freakin' diagram? They look like someone stuck them in a garbage disposal and then were sewn back together wrong.
ReplyYou have to buy the finger-mangler device separately, in order to achieve a useful level of typing speed on the iPad's entirely-not-new touchscreen-keyboard that people have been complaining about for however long the iPhone has been out. Of course, you can also get the external wireless keyboard attachment for it, but then you still can't see what you're typing while you type it!
First thing: HOLY CHRIST, WHAT A HORRIBLE DIAGRAM. THE HANDS--THE HANDS! DX
ReplySecondly: "it stood to reason that we could be dealing with a computer you control using hand gestures from across the room." Do you really want a computer that will open the porn window you just minimized when your spouse entered the room because you absentmindedly waved your hand?
Thirdly: When you say it doesn't multitask, does that mean I can't play solitaire while my internet is being slow? WAIT... Macs don't have solitaire... OH GOD....
):
Steve Jobs should rename it as the iPoo'd
Reply@ Chamale: No, I'm not stupid. Way to not read carefully. BRING ABOUT means it will LEAD TO the desktop's demise.
ReplyWe used to have to FIND a phone if we wanted to make a call. Seems archaeic now, doesn't it? Cellphones came out, and they didn't catch on right away. They were clunky, and not as powerful as the landlines (like your desktop). In just a few years, though, they became tiny and MORE capable than a land line, and now most of us have a phone wherever we go.
The iPad (and its competitors), given time and 3 or 4 more refined models, will do the same for desktop computers that cellphones did for payphones. We won't just use them sitting at a desk anymore.
wtf do you mean Matthew Broderick isn't gay? Have you seen Sarah Jessica Parker???
ReplyiPad - The most retarded Apple product yet.
ReplyNo flash + no multi-tasking (out of the box) = gigantic fail. Although both of these flaws are nothing compared to the fact you won't be able to use it on a desk without developing neck ache, and the only way to avoid said neck ache will be to hold it with one hand therefore forcing you to type one handed like a moron.
ReplyYa know, I used to have an Acer Aspire One for a while. That thing kicked ass. It was tiny. It worked just like my big PC (only less powerful, of course, but I still had it optimized to run music sequencing software!). It had a god-damn LID so I could shove it in a bag and not worry about scratching the screen. Course, it wasn't perfect - the screen resolution meant graphics editing and web page authoring were off limits, but s**t, I'd take a hundred netbooks over an iPad, any day.
Not a blind Apple hater btw - going iPhone next month because I just flat out love those things. But this, is a complete waste of time!
Your first paragraph makes some good points, with one flaw. Yes, the omission of multitasking and flash is HUGE, and I hope a software update/future model will rectify this.
Typing, though: This isn't designed for you to write your dissertation on. It's adequate for replying to email. Not to mention, the dock props the iPad up at a 50-degree angle and incorporates a full-size keyboard, just in case you do need to type more extensively.
That still won't make typing any easier. You'll either have to bend your wrists at an uncomfortable angle or crane your neck over the thing.
I really do think the iPad will bring about the era of "We used to have to go somewhere to use a computer." Desktops are over.
Reply Hide All See All 8 RepliesThat said, I think we'll have to see the same evolution we saw with the iPod and the iPhone: The launch device doesn't represent what those devices eventually became. I'm waiting for the 2011 or 2012 model.
Seriously? Are you stupid? The iPad has way less processing power and memory than a $500 desktop computer. Some people actually like to play new games on their desktop PCs.
It's like an iPhone you don't make calls on and it can't fit in your pocket. What could go wrong?
Umm.....
Sweet Jean Louise boy, calm down, indie.
Yeesh, this got out of hand.
@chamale: No, I'm not stupid (RUDE). Please read my post CORRECTLY. This device will BRING ABOUT the demise of the desktop.
Cellphones took a while to replace payphones (and even house phones), because the quality and POWER wasn't as good. Given time, though, it now seems strange that we used to have to GO FIND a phone if we needed one.
THAT was my point. So don't flame.
@ Chamale: No, I'm not stupid. Way to not read carefully. BRING ABOUT means it will LEAD TO the desktop's demise.
We used to have to FIND a phone if we wanted to make a call. Seems archaeic now, doesn't it? Cellphones came out, and they didn't catch on right away. They were clunky, and not as powerful as the landlines (like your desktop). In just a few years, though, they became tiny and MORE capable than a land line, and now most of us have a phone wherever we go.
The iPad (and its competitors), given time and 3 or 4 more refined models, will do the same for desktop computers that cellphones did for payphones. We won't just use them sitting at a desk anymore.
Does that make more sense?
The iPad will not bring about the end of the Desktops, laptops and netbooks are already doing that. Apple is usually pretty good about showcasing innovation, which I think the iPad is lacking. I don't see this catching fire.
Oh really? Have you ever used an apple product?
Since my iPhone can multitask just fine (look up "Backgrounder"), and the iPad can use VoIP to make phone calls (Apple changed the rules to allow VoIP over 3G the same day the iPad was announced... coincidence?), I don't see what all the angst is about.
ReplyOh, so you mean it's literally just a giant iPhone? That changes EVERYTHING.
This is really disappointing, because it has a lot of features that would be appealing to me (the massive storage, the option to get Pages and the other iWork apps), but the lack of multitasking and Flash support are dealbreakers for me. Granted all the multitasking I usually need to do amounts to running iTunes and one other program at once, but the lack of Flash support is ridiculous. My Wii can support Flash, for god's sake! Why the hell is Apple dragging their feet?
ReplyI heard a bit about it. Sounded like it would be the best thing since sliced bread. Good to hear that Apple fucked up.
Reply