Chris-Chan

His name is Christian Weston Chandler, a household name for many a /B/Tard and Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For those who don't know, Chandler is a perverse, homophobic, pedophilic and autistic manchild, rapidly approaching the age of thirty. I MUS

Christopher's

The man himself.

His shitty self-portrait

Just The Facts

  1. Born Christopher Weston Chandler on Febuary 24, 1982
  2. Created the copyright-infringing comic "Sonichu" about a Sonic/Pikachu hybrid.
  3. He is mostly known for his child-like artwork, his blatant homophobia, and pathetic "Love Quest"
  4. He was revealed to /B/ Tards everywhere in November 2007, and his life has been a living hell since.
  5. 4Chan trolls have made him do many gross and degrading stunts, such as:
  6. Drinking his own semen
  7. Making him hump his Playstation 3
  8. Smashing his dildo
  9. Calling his father while he was masterbating
  10. Making him admit his homosexuality
  11. Reporting him to Chris Hansen for having cybersex with a 13-year old boy

EARLY YEARS: 1982-1992

Chris claims his first word, "monkey," was spoken at 6 weeks old,[1] and he remains proud of this feat well into his twenties.

Allegedly, an abusive babysitter who was alone with Christopher every day for years;[2] locked him in a room[1] Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a room. He identifies the locking as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to attend James Madison University for speech therapy.

During the 1980s, Christopher was playmates with Sarah Hammer. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look she locked him in,[3] beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't seem to show any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl), because if a boy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance.

In 1989, noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which convinced Christopher to later have his name legally changed.

Chris spent the 1990-1991 school year in 4th grade at Nathanael Greene Elementary School, until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris believes he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty[4] and that he was made to sit on the lap of the principal, the latter being the cause for his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris institutionalized. Chris was home-schooled through 5th grade during these proceedings. When the family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to Richmond so that Chris could continue his education under a different school system, starting with 6th grade in fall 1992.[1]

ADOLESCENCE: 1992-2000

In 1993, He won Sonic's Watch & Win Sweepstakes, winning a thousand dollar shopping spree at KB Toys. His winning of the contest makes Chris believe that he can win every contest he enters, making him completly infuriated when he loses. The local news interviewed him, thus baiting the fishing hook for the trolls before the internet even existed. He spent his middle and high school years playing Sega and and hanging out with his gal-pals...Wait? Don't many homosexual men have Gal-pals? hmm, must remember to investigate later. In the year 2000, Chrissy shitted out thew most original character to ever exist, Sonichu, the electric hedgehog pokemon.

2000-Today

In the past ten years, Chris has found many new and exciting ways to make an ass of himself. In 2004, He got kicked out of college for soliciting prostitution, he was fired from Wendy's for scareing a child, And lastly, he obtained an internet connection. In November 2007, a man by the name of Jason K. Howell set up a page on Encyclopedia Dramatica about Chris. Chris found it a few days later and was OUTRAGED!!!1!!! The ED page his since opened a Pandora's Box of shit on CWC, such as making his girlfriend leave him, creating TWO SLANDEROUS WIKIS and the very Cracked.com topic page you are reading.

Since 2007, Chris has been manipulated by the trolls using the greatest tactic in the book: IDENTITY FRAUD. So if you plan on milking this lolcow for delicous, delicous lulz, pretend to be a cute, 18-28 year old non-smoking white gurl over the internet, much like one brave 13-year old boy did.

JULAY! JULAY! JULAY!

A 13-year old boy impersonated a supermodel pretending to be interested in Chris. He/she made him destroy his Sonichu medallion and shove the pieces up his ass. lulz ensued.