Sex And Religion

The root of Religion is sex. The root of fearing sex is Religion.

Just The Facts

  1. Christianity was founded in about 30 AD
  2. The French phrase for an orgasm directly translates to "Little Death"
  3. Everybody you know is the result of two clashing pairs of hips

Coming into the Light

The subject at hand is not only a tried and tired one for fiction, prose and even biology textbooks, it is also a withered and worn topic for my own work. In all honesty, for me the refer to my writing as my "work" is far too akin to considering sex as masturbation for me to write such so comfortably. However, I can do this with such comfort and ease just as somebody masturbating can do so to the thought of a Christmas tree or a Billy-goat.

Oh yeah, just like that.

That's the kind of liberty that comes with loneliness, with masturbation. Though upon the discovery, or even assumption, of sex, any of the liberty associated with masturbation is immediatley rendered into tyrannical enslavement, as is the case with literally every other addiction.

Now, for the question that begs to be asked: What discovery (or assumption, even) could render sex as a form of enslavement? And the more difficult question: Has it already done so?

If we remove pleasure from the sexual equation, we would see the human interest in sex decline; people are far too lazy an animal to do it without physical gratification. Now, if we remove death from nature, or death from the knowledge of human beings, we would see interest in sex vanish altogether.

As it stands, people know about death and sex feels damn good.

Damn good.

So damn good that people have become obsessed with it. I'm just going to assume you agree with this statement unless you're retarded, a virgin or a catholic (or the very plausable combination of the three). Very little in nature is accidental and that which doesn't seem accidental was purposefully designed to seem that way. This obsession of which I speak is most surely not accidental. The purpose of human life, the great meaning of it all, is sex. It's really very simple, even religion knows it.

"The father, the son and the Holy Ghost."

These are the three things absolutely essential to the continuity of the human existance. We know what the word father means, son as well, but what in the hell is the "Holy Ghost?" It's been used to wage wars, fill buildings, fill pages and fufill feeble hopes, but what exactly the hell is it? You don't know? Well, allow me to inform you.
Its semen.
Come into the light!

I'll repeat it in case anybody thought I was joking: Sex is the meaning of life.

Pagans were very aware of this back in their hayday. It's very easy to try arguing against the Pagans by bringing up their brutal and barbaric sacrifice rituals but even easier it is to look foolish doing so. If you argue against Paganism in an attempt to defend Christianity, not only are you foolish, you are pretty much wasting your time. Christianity can defend itself pretty goddamned well. Ask Iraq. Ask the aptly titled Pope Innocent. Ask those witches in Salem who magically morphed into ember and ash. Ask the church that got pardoned from a federal investigation of child rape. Ask all of the books that went the way of said witches. Ask the negros who got the chance to swing from trees like little cocoa Christmas ornaments. The only person with a half decent chance of telling you otherwise would be the orginization's original representative who was pierced to a block of wood and left to watch his ideals fall into the hands of morally bankrupt gangsters with an unquenchable thirst for power.

"You think the Westboro Baptist Church was my Idea?"

So with all of these aptly constructed defenses, I feel it is perfectly within my rights to offend it with every ounce of my being. Defend it all you want, you won't be any different than a cast skipping-stone lost in the wrong side of the Great Wall of China.
I must apologize for so quickly jumping from the topic of sex onto the topic of Christianity. You see, I am something of a sado-masochist and when I think about sex it usually leads to thoughts of torturing an idealistic Jew. At least once a week, I find myself within a herd of fellow sado-masochists, gawking at an image of said tortured Jew, asking him to grant my wishes and spank my naughty little soul. What can I say? It gets me hot. Hotter than hell.

"Oh yeah, just like that."

This flock of mine agrees, at least in part, with me about sex being the meaning of life. Their erotica piece of choice makes it clear that one should spread their seed and that one should never waste it. What better way to do this than with sex?

As far as wasting seed goes: Yes, every boy whose had a wet dream and every girl whose lived to see her special time of the month is going straight to hell! At least they'll have some interesting company, like Ghandi or Hitler or Buddah.

To continue my little history lesson about the Pagans knowing the meaning of life:

There was a group of Romans, long ago, and with little dicks, who were not keen on this meaning of life. They disliked it so much that they thought "We would do a much better job explaining to the masses how the order of the world works. First, what we need to do is get people's attention and tell them what they believe and do is all wrong. Appriciating and worshipping women as the givers of life? That's gotta go! (seeing as most women think my dick is some kind of infected clitoris). How do we do this? I know! We'll say women are the root of all evil by having fucked over the human race before the starting gun even went off! But how did they do this? They decided to eat off of the tree of knowledge. Oh, that is gold, no learning and no women; we really killed two birds there, and our stone isn't even real! We've really got something here. If anybody tries to challenge it, we can kill them. If they aren't afraid of death, you ask? We will make them afraid of death. How, you ask? We we tell them that there's no such thing as death, just a life-long 50/50 gamble called heaven and hell! ...and they will actually believe it. Oh, oh my me, we are going to be in control in no time! Hallelujah!"


Remember the romans? They and the Greek had mastered the sublime art of mythological symbology well before this train of thought began rolling down its tracks. Because of this, it was a piece of cake to plagarize the Pagans, twist a few concepts around and stomp a Nazi-Boot onto the face of the future.

But enough about the Romans, I'm sure at least one of them has befriended Ghandi by now. Let's keep talking about sex. In particular, let's talk about the male reproductive organ.

The penis is striking similar, at least in process and function, to your typical human being. It begins small, grows gradually to it's optimal size, serves its purpose, gradually decreases in size and then lifelessly lay in futility. Dead. It is finished.

Pictured: You

The most notable difference between a human and a penis is that humans can not re-rise in ressurection. But get this: people's genetic make-up can live after they die--its called reproduction, which (get this as well) is the primary function of the penis.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Anything known as a coincidence is simply Nature (or "God" if you like) telling you to pay attention.

So pay attention, live and then live again!