Fishing is considered a sport to some, but a waste of time to most. It involves attempting to out smart a fish, one of the most trivial tasks of all time.

Bikinis and Beer: The Great Unifiers

Not pictured: the child they used as bait.

Although... fish aren't too bad.

Just The Facts

  1. Fishing is a past time enjoyed by many all over the world.
  2. It is really just an excuse to drink copious amounts of beer. Fish may or may not be neccessary.
  3. Don't bring women fishing as they will catch all the fish. Then complain about it.

What You'll Need

A typical fishing rig consists of a Rod, a Reel, some line and a hook. You slap some bait on the hook then toss it into the water and wait for the fish to bite. Some varieties of fake baits (Such as plastic fish and flashy beads) may be implimented, but that will generally yield the same results as using worms and other insects or fish. About 70% of these fake baits look fucking retarded and will cost you more money than you have.

Simply put, you just need to dangle something mildly interesting infront of a fish's face and it will bite it.

What To Expect

If you go out hoping to catch a fish, don't be surprised if you don't. Be surprised if you do. Whether a fish bites or not depends on a 1000 different variables that are completely out of your control. Weather, air pressure, water temperature, time of day/season/year are all reasons a fish wont bite. That and they're assholes.



If you do happen to catch a fish, consider yourself a real man. You just outwitted an animal who forgets that it's own shit isn't food. Skip to about :50 to see this. Watch the entire thing if you want to determine who's smarter, the people or the fish. WARNING: The amount of annoying in that video may cause enough brain damage to make you eat your own shit.

Other Forms of Fishing

Fishing can be done in a variety of ways other than the typical form outlined above:

Fly Fishing: You take a 20 foot stick and toss a little piece of bait over the water hoping a fish will jump out of the water. Generally done by fishing "purists" who believe that it is the true way to fish, rather than the typical rod/reel/hook variety. These people are similar to those who drive hybrid cars, only drink starbucks or listen to Indie music.

Spear Fishing: Shit gets real and you go Mano-a-mano with the fish. Grab a spear and chuck it at the fish, hoping the impale the shit out of it. Do it naked with war paint on for extra points. Generally the least effective form of fishing as you need to sneak up on the fish and acctually stab it.

Bow and Arrow Fishing: Same as spear fishing, only more Legolas.

Netting: You say "fuck it" and trap the fuckers in a net. Yields highest amount of fish. Also known to kill dolphins and turtles and other delicious animals.

Explosives: Fish wont bite? Can't sneak up on them? Do the fish dodge your net? Well the next logical step is to (obviously) blow them right out of their god forsaken waters. TNT, Dynamite and RPGs are all accepted forms of explosives for fishing with. Although experts argue [needs source] that it's not so much fishing as it is, the fish are in the way of the explosions.

Noodling: The batshit, suicidal, manhandling of massive catfish. It's you, your fist, a hole and a pissed off catfish. Seriously, this shit is insanity. Sounds/looks roughly like an Andy Dick video that no one would be surprized about if it came out.

Noodling: not as bad as it sounds.