Penis Enlargement

If 'male enhancement' pills ACTUALLY made your penis permanently larger, they wouldn't have to advertise. Ever.

The only thing that makes my penis bigger is the girl in all the infomercials.

What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?

Advertisements and Infomercials

The fact that advertisement is necessary for products such as "Extenze" is proof that these pills do not work the way men want or expect them to. Trust us, we have conducted extenze-sive (get it?) research by staying up late and refusing to get up to change the channel when infomercials come on. We're practically experts. One of the claims Extenze makes to help explain the insane amount of commercials/advertisements/nascar drivers they have is that guys simply "don't talk about that kind of thing."

Truth and Side-effects

The truth is, the men that take extenze on a regular basis don't talk about it because they don't want to tell anyone that they're paying for a subscription to the Slightly Larger Johnson's club. Because honestly, any amount of money is too much considering that even if the pills work, the effect is only temporary. God forbid you can no longer afford your membership to this club, and your love pump suffers. In that case.. the better the pills work - the worse coming off of them would be. Think Star Jones, except in reverse, and your weiner.

And let's not forget the side-effects of taking a male enhancement product. First and foremost, there's the constant shame of paying a monthly fee to maintain your own dick. But there are also several other concerns, such as high blood pressure and an increased heart rate, which could lead to heart palpitations or a heart attack. Not fun. Imagine the autopsy being released to your loved ones. Or more importantly, your friends, who would forever mock your demise-by-male-enhancement. Ex: "I would have just killed myself if my dick was that small, but I guess things worked out in the end."

Final Verdict

Now, imagine a pill that you took which instantly made your purple-headed warrior substantially and permanently larger. Now THAT would be something worth purchasing. And we guaran-fucking-tee you that if such a product existed, all men would already know about it.

So in the grand scheme of things - enzyte, extenze, and similar products might succeed in temporarily making your tool a bit bigger.. but is it worth the money, shame, and possible side-effects? Before you answer, reflect upon this complex graph illustrating the long-term consequences, including the possible discovery of your penis pills:

Worth it?


Especially not for you, considering you're most likely a virgin.