Sue Johanson

Q: What would you get if you combined decades of sexual experience with Yoda, a nymphomaniac sorority girl, and your grandma? A: Sue Johanson

Just The Facts

  1. Sue Johanson was born in 1930
  2. She holds a black belt in felatio
  3. She knows more about your body than you want to
  4. She probably looks a lot like your Nana

Cracked On Sue

Would you like fries with that?

There really is nothing quite like flipping through the channels and stumbling across the bizarre image of an old lady with a rubber dick in her mouth. It is far from arousing, in fact aside from a photo of your actual grandma posed graphically naked, it is one of the most disturbing images you could be accosted by when you're channel surfing in your underwear. Yet in your semi nude moment of silent and frozen horror, somehow you cannot look away. The first time it happens you may be shocked, amused, or even repulsed, but after that first surreal moment of coming face to face with an imitation cock wielding granny telling you how to stroke a snatch or lube up a dong shaft, the chances are you'll become a viewer.

Oh my god! Nana?

The crazy lady with the diddling fingers and dogged insistence of the liberal use of saliva, is Canadian sex educator, author, lecturer, and sex toy peddler Sue Johanson. Her TV program for the US market was Talk Sex With Sue Johanson and gave callers of every persuasion the ability call in to ask Sue questions about all manner of things related to the mecanics of getting freaky deaky. No question went without an answer from this veritable Julia Child of Vajayjays and skin flutes. With great enthusiasm, and more often than not, visual aids, Sue brought her vast knowledge of all things carnal to her hungry audience.

While most women her age are happy to be baking cookies for their grandchildren or quietly working on a cross stitch, Sue is putting synthetic tongues and motorized cootchie pokers through their paces.

Technique is everything

There is something about Sue Johanson that is hard to define. Perhaps it is her similar appearance to Lady Elaine Fairchilde from Mr. Roger's neighborhood that gives her a completely nonsexual appearance.

Is that a Boomerang-Toomerang-Zoomerang or something... else?

However that benign appearance is betrayed by the knowledge that this elderly lady of small stature and unabashed candidness could play you like Beethoven played the piano; no matter what set of genitals you're equipped with.

That being said, Sue is the queen of her own Buffalo Gums and has a line of sex toys that includes the best selling Royal Princess.

And your grandma got you a sweater for Christmas

In 2008 after six years on Oxygen TV, Sue retired from television and now tours giving lectures at Universities - like Dane Cook only hilarious. Though you can no longer call in to ask her how you can fit household objects up your ass, reruns of Talk Sex are still aired on Oxygen.

And thankfully that leaves us with gems like this: