Axe Body Spray

Axe Body Spray is a fragrance line for men. The makers of Axe would have you believe that using their product makes you irresistible to women. It probably won't, but it does make douchebags detectable from distances of up to four miles away.

We have no idea what this ad is supposed to imply.

Just The Facts

  1. Axe was launched in France (of course) in 1983 by Unilever. That's over a quarter century of poor hygiene made infinitely worse.
  2. Due to trademark issues, Axe goes by the name Lynx in the UK.
  3. The lynx is a wild jungle cat.
  4. Axe Body Spray will make you smell like an unwashed jungle animal. And musk.

Partial List of Known Axe Body Spray Scents (And What We Imagine They Smell Like)

Oriental - This scent was introduced in 1987.  Sadly, it has since been discontinued.  But don't fret, we're pretty sure you can recreate the magic with a bottle of Stetson and a couple of ramen noodle seasoning packets.

Nevada - Introduced in 1992, this scent has also been discontinued.  Our sources tell us it smelled like equal parts cigarette butts, legalized prostitution, despair and dreams that will never be realized.

Africa - The most popular Axe fragrance of all time.  It is marketed as Kilo in North America, presumably because the Eminem worshiping, baggy jean and upside down visor wearing suburban teens who use Axe Body Spray are terrified of black people.  It smells like abject poverty and Bono.

Marine - Smells like a two day shore pass spent in a Thailand brothel.  

Instinct - According to the advertising for this new fragrance, it smells like leather.  In this case, we take "leather" to mean "metrosexual cow."  

Fever - As the name implies, it smells like illness and flop sweat.

Vice - Smells like Don Johnson circa 1985 and a lifetime of poor decision making.