This is a visualization of our process of visualizing."
Just The Facts
- Flowcharts were designed to show how a process works or how a decision is made, thus removing conscious thought from your job.
- Millions of people were trained to make flowcharts instead of doing something useful in the office, like porn-surfing, and started making funny flowcharts to keep from cleaning out their office with an assault rifle.
- Flowcharts consist of 25% of all comedy on Cracked, and you cannot win the Topic Page Bonus without them.
The history of the flowchart
One problem has always faced business: how do we make our idiotic and mindless decisions look like they had some form of logical thought behind them? Hence, the flowchart was invented.
A well-designed flowchart will clearly show how a process is followed or a decision can be made in the absence of your asshole boss, allowing you to make the same decisions he does and just as importantly, be able to blame the committee that wrote the flowchart when it all inevitably goes wrong and they try to pin it on you. A badly designed flowchart, which is the majority of them, brings new meaning to the saying "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit."
How to Use a Flowchart to Cover Your Ass
How to Use a Flowchart to Create Humor
Flowcharts are great for comedy because they allow you to view the foibles of a person or thing as not unconscious acts but conscious, if idiotic, decisions. People like, say, Nicolas Cage or Larry King or anybody who uses a 4Chan meme five minutes after it escapes the hideous cloacae of that place. Just cram every observation into its own bubble and make sure it's got some sort of logical flow.
Bubbles: These are the little boxes that tell you what to do. The shape is supposed to tell you if it's an action or a process or something, just to add that extra layer of confusion. If you want to make a flowchart that will make nerds and office workers who have had their souls utterly destroyed by office meetings laugh hilariously and then kill themselves, use these properly to enhance the humor. And then call the suicide prevention hotline when you realize you've made a bunch of flowchart in-joke.
Connectors: These are the little arrows that point you from bubble to bubble. They can go both ways, just like a Hollywood starlet, or go just one way, like M. Night Shyamalan's career.
Color Coding: Some people also want to color code bubbles. Really, this is a code in of itself, that means "punch me repeatedly in the penis until I am unable to pollute the gene pool."