College Education
Don't worry, it's just your whole life you're choosing here...
Just The Facts
- Colleges don't try to profit from students, but help them reach their full potential.
- That is precisely why five college directors in the U.S. earn more than 1 million dollars a year.
- No, you can't have financial aid!
Higher education: a brief history
Higher education started gaining popularity in ancient Greece where men learned the complexities of philosophy so they could argue against being sold into slavery if someone sued them. Besides a serious lawsuit problem ancient Greece also had some of the highest tuition costs ever recorded, in the form of sweaty man love.
"Sure I can teach you something: "Never trust strangers." Now how about that payment?"
This era of tomfoolery was abruptly ended when Roman soldiers proved metal poisoning via a sharp sword was more interesting than mathematics. The episode is famously captured by a dialogue between a roman soldier and Archimedes.
Archimedes: "Hey dude, don't step on my circles."
Roman soldier: slashing sounds of a roman sword.
With Greek philosophers all but extinct higher education took a step back during the Dark Ages when counting your toes made you eligible for a Nobel Prize. It wasn't until the Italian Renaissance that new learning centers were established such as the University of Padua where you could learn theology and law or the University of Salamanca where you could learn law and theology.
Also during this period the first Bulgarian universities started using students to create hundreds of lead pendants that are currently found all over Europe. From this fertile grounds of college paraphernalia, useless classes, and law schools it was only one step to the modern universities of today.
What better way to show school spirit than buying some useless, over-priced medalion of Cthulhu the school mascot?
Currently colleges are one of the few sectors of the world economy doing just fine with more and more students turning to higher education as they have no hope of getting hired right out of high school. This, in turn, means that people with higher education are easier to find and hire for cheaper. Basicaly, pretty soon you'll need a college degree to sell shoes and every plumber will have a Ph.D.
It's a me Professor Mario, geta me a job!
Famous people who had a higher education
Steve Jobs
Took one semester at Reed College, before dropping out and doing a bunch of LSD, an experience he called the best thing of his life. Besides drugs another changing point in his life was one of the courses he took at Reed namely calligraphy. In Steve Job's own words "the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts" had he not taken that one class. Imagine what a crazy world we'd be living in...makes you shudder.
Tom Hanks
Spent two years at Chabot College before deciding that watching plays all day and hanging around film festivals was more important that classes or hard work. In his own words: "I spent a lot of time going to plays. I wouldn't take dates with me. I'd just drive to a theater, buy myself a ticket, sit in the seat, and then get into the play completely. I spent a lot of time like that." The moral of the story? Beeing a creepy loner is more of a guarantee of success than a college degree is.
Woody Allen
Took one semester at New York University before he was kicked out for poor grades and cheating. In his own words "I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics final. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me." Having learned his lesson he gave college a second try going to City College of New York. Unfortunately without the cheating school just wasnt the same and Allen dropped out so he could focus on raising his adopted daughter future wife.
Donald Barthelme
"After experimenting with college, journalism, and marriage in Houston, he got sick of the provinces and lit out for New York City at 31." (Time magazine). Now he's a bestselling author, a college professor, a museum director and a news reporter. We realize that Donald Barthelme is not as famous as anyone else on this list but the fact that a college drop-out is teaching college has a certain bittersweet taste to it...
Quentin Tarantino
Finally, here's someone who didn't even bother with college. For Quentin High School was more higher education than he cared for so he dropped out at 15 in order to film his friends running around in his backyard. For the most part he is still doing that...
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Being poor, I never considered college growing up. Then the people who run my high school made it so that I couldn't take the SAT without first moving to another state, so my choices were: Army, Air Force, Navy, or Coast Guard. With a 92 on my ASVAB, I picked the Air Force.
ReplyI'd pick army maybe I'll see some combat
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Never let school get in the way of your education - Mark Twain
ReplyWell put... it's a bit sad to realise that a Bachelor's Degree won't make any difference at all anymore since everyone got one today. With this progression I suppose, as you mentioned, that the same will be true for Master's in a few years (although to some extent it already is) which would mean that to get anywhere in the world in say 50 years you'll have to become a well-distinguished and published professor so that by the time you've 'reached your full potential' and are ready for a working life you'll be so old that you'll soon become senile and forget everything.
ReplyI love how you can tell the writer is an embittered child who failed college.
ReplyI am a child, 2 years old in fact and failing college, how did you know?
Yes, that's the ONLY explanation for this article and not that it completely encapsulates the college experience (graduated).
Damn, all these freaken spam bots
ReplyHere, here. Down with the tyranny of the spambots and the comment clogging the partake in.
you forgot that after state university - you land a sweet job and make more money then 99% of everyone you knew in college and h.s.. oh wait, is that just me? we're in a recession? what's a recession ahahhaha suckers
ReplySo lets see if we can follow the author's logic. More and more people are getting educated, and thats raising the minimum level of education needed for basic jobs. Fair enough, while everyone knows someone who's friend is making six figures with a GED, I know for instance when I quit my job it isn't going to be open to 4 year degree holders anymore, but instead only job specific graduate degree holders with five years of experience because we can, there are so many qualified people who want work. But then we move into the article's next section, people who exemplify why you don't need school. Bit of a turnaround, especially considering 3 of the 5 people listed (and I don't know who Donald Barthelme is, so lets say 3 of 4) would, if anything been working towards a MFA. I come from a hard science background, and will refrain from making the usual jokes about liberal arts students, but I think we can all agree that things like acting and directing are as much about talent and experience, but I'm having trouble thinking of anyone who actually finished school and then wished they had never went at all. Hell, earn yourself a PhD in Violin if you want, some kid from a public high school still might play better. Try to swing that s**t with mech engineering and see how far it gets you though.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesBut please bottom feeders, don't try to get that education. I want that six plus figure salary. I want the big house and nice car (and I don't plan to do porn to get it), and I'm going to need someone to mow my lawn. That could be you!
I can't imagine how much of a dick you are in real life.
I agree with JosiahSilas, you seem like a huge dick. Higher education allows you to amass knowledge, but not a decent personality.
I tend to agree with Random. I have taken flack before for say this, but we have interfered with natural selection a little too much, and so we end up with a lot of people who probably would not have been here if not for our meddling. The people who likely WOULD have lived through natural talents or brain power deserve the better jobs.
By the way, I too am a total dick, and I'm only in high school right now! Gotta start early!
"we have interfered with natural selection a little too much, and so we end up with a lot of people who probably would not have been here if not for our meddling."
Yourself, for instance!
No, really though, try learning what "natural selection" actually is before speaking about it, and no, 4chan isn't a legitimate source either. And yes, Random seems like quite the cunt.
Painfully true, all of it. :(
Replyyup pretty depressing article considering my mom is about to force me into the local community college
ReplyHaving just finished my undergrad in December with absolutely zero job prospects still, I find this article horribly depressing.
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Reply*evil laugh*
You know, that list at the bottom where you carefully choose several people who acquired fame/wealth without a college education is the most interesting part of this article. The main reason is that it relies on the reader being a complete moron.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesBesides becoming rich and/or famous these people have done next to nothing for humanity as a whole. How will we remember Steve Jobs? He could sell an (allegedly) well-made product. Quentin Tarantino? He makes good action movies. Having an artistic talent doesn't take a college education, these are poor examples.
Few people on the following list are entitled to the same fame and wealth Steve Jobs has amassed. However, I believe their work is far more crucial than his, not to mention that their collective efforts have brought us to where we are today.
Here's an example:
His car was designed by engineers.
His products require an army of college-educated programmers.
His cancer surgery was performed by a med school graduate.
The food he eats was genetically engineered by college grads.
The water he drinks is kept safe by chemists.
The reason he's still alive at 55 because of decades of scientific research (carried out by, you guessed it.)
You get the point. You would consider all of these "disappointing" places to go?
I don't think college necessarily predisposes you to a life meaningful to the whole of humanity, that takes ambition, luck, perseverance, and intelligence. However, I think it has been a great start for most if not all that have went on to such things.
And I think you missed the point of the article. I doubt the author truly believes college is a bad choice, or unnecessary. It's just often overblown with claims that, basically, every single kid should go to college, even if you have no interest in anything or want a career that doesn't require college, which is great for putting high school kids in debt until they retire and for making universities rich, but not for progress.
I think you pretty much missed the point, the whole article is meant to be amusing rather than informative, seriously, it's on Cracked, take it with a grain of salt. Also I'm pretty sure all of the people used as examples in the "Famous people who had a higher education" were used for irony.
This is more a reply to BMW: I heard a clip of a talk someone gave (don't remember who; my husband was playing it on the computer and I was listening in) and they said that colleges' goal seems to be to create more college professors. In fields that aren't strictly vocational that seems to be true. When I majored in English, it was pretty clear that unless I went into teaching or journalism, my degree was "useless."
@BWM: I was addressing the statement made in the header of the article that stated college leads to "disappointing" careers and/or disappointing places in life. I certainly don't think everyone should attend college, and I don't recall stating that anywhere in my initial reply. I was more concerned with the idea that the author has a rather narrow-minded viewpoint of where a college education may lead, even though most major/minor advancements we've made as a species has been the result of college graduates in one way or another (I'm referring specifically to the last few hundred years.)
@Rasalom: I thought the sketch was pretty funny. However, I don't find gaping flaws in logic funny, Cracked writers are usually pretty decent about avoiding that with hyperbole and humor. I wasn't talking about the entire article; I think I said something along the lines of "that list at the bottom" to specify what I was commenting on.
@fuckaccounts: I'd love to give you a list of famous people with college degrees, but I'd be making an assumption about your intelligence. If you can't come up with 5 famous college graduates yourself, I think I'll just leave it at that, I don't think anything I say will have much of an effect there anyway.
@mordred: Colleges and popular opinion certainly seems to be geared that way. I've known a few people with liberal arts degrees that did really well in business/investing that had nothing to do with their field. However, they'll be the first to tell you that without that 4-year degree they would have never gotten their start; a degree has uses, even if they aren't immediately apparent.
Just wanted to point out that Donald Barthelme died in 1989, so he isn't currently "a college professor, a museum director and a news reporter."
ReplyI graduated from grad school this past June, and the only thing I am qualified for is teaching college.
ReplyTake a good hard look at what you're going to school for and if that is even viable job wise when you leave. I made the mistake of going to school for what I loved than what would be logical and I'm paying for it now.
Jobwise you're right, but I did the same as you and I don't regret it (despite it not helping me find a job). Considering the market saturation with degrees that the article talks about, eventually we're going to have to go back to going to college for what you want to study instead of viewing it as vocational training anyway.