African American

African Americans. Disney's least favorite people? Probably. The reason I actually have any music on my iTunes? Mostly. Fuckin' awesome? As the great philosopher Andre Romelle Young said: "Hell Yeah!"

Just The Facts

  1. How can I make an article on the subject of race without offending anyone?
  2. Well, let me just say straight out, I don't mean to offend anyone reading this.
  3. Apart from you, Mrs Nguyen from the grocery shop, who refuses to serve me for some reason- fuck you and your retarded Vietnamese son.
  4. Fuck you, you racists for assuming I meant he's retarded because he's Vietnamese.
  5. He's retarded because I ran him over.

African Americans- dawgs who know how to keep one's shit tight

Throughout this article, I will use 'black' phrases to show the unfair, stereotypical representation of African Americans in popular culture. But mainly because I want to sound cool. Fo shizzle. Also, any spelling and grammar mistakes are deliberate to show the ebonic pronounciation. Admit it, that's quite a good excuse.

Of course, white people always spell brilliantly.

But one feels it incumbant upon oneself to get down to some real shit.

The first random African American came about when some random African guy was told to be a random American guy by some random European guy, cos he pointed a gun at him. Then the random guys lived in America and made many random Americans. But the random European guys kept pointing guns at the random African guys, and made them work for them. Then some of the random European guys decided they weren't cool enough and decided to stop the other random European guys pointing guns at the random African guys. They did by pointing more guns at the other random European guys than the other random European guys could point back at the European random guys.

This meant the random African guys didn't have to work for the random European guys pointing a gun at their faces. They had to work for different random European guys, who gave them some money and told them to work, otherwise they would eventually get a gun in the face, or be sent to some big random place, where if you did anything wrong, you'd get a gun in your face.

Finally, some non-Random African guy called Martin Luther King decided he wasn't gonna take this shit no more, so he decided to not point guns in anyone's face, and ask the random European guys to make shit equal, while the random European guys told the other random European guys they couldn't point guns in anyone's faces.

Finally, everyone was equal (sorta) and everyone points guns in everyone else's face, cos hey, it's in The Constitution.

That's basically US history.


African American Culture

African Americans have made a huge impact on world culture. Unfortunately, whenever black Americans find a cool new culturizzle, white Americans make it maintream and wack, causing black Americans to find some cool new trendizzle (I can't tell you how muchizzle i love that suffixizzle right nizzle- that mean's now by the way).

You knew he had to be my example. Case closed.

Yes, there's the first non-fully-white President since Thomas Jefferson (Source: Nas). Yes, Oprah is like that nice grown up who gave you sweets WITHOUT trying to rape you. Yes, Tiger Woods has introduced the new black culture of 'fucking' to nerdy white people. But one thing really sums up African American achievement...

The 'Sup Dawg' Xzibit joke.

Based on Xzibit's love for ueless vehicular accessories on Pimp My Ride (for those who have been living in a cave for the last 10 years, and if you have, thank you for reading Mr Bin Laden), it goes a little something like this:

"Sup dawg, I heard you like helping children, so we put a towel and that blood-soaked Vietnamese kid you ran over in your car, so you can dry Ving while you're driving."

(By the way, is Ving a Vietnamese name? Well either way, FUCK YOU, YOU RACIST BASTARDS, FOR ASSUMING IT WAS! No, don't be like that, I still love you really- let's have a rapprochementizzle.)

Totally pimped. Also, 'injured Asian' gets a disturbingly high amount of porn results.

I'm just kidding Vietnamese people, you know I love you.

It's those evil Micronesians I hate.

That's a very small group of people, I think I can get away with that.