Duke Nukem

He’s a musclebound jerk with a buzzcut, a gun and a grin. He’ll fire off one-liners lifted from the best action flicks and bang your grandma till she’s raw in the ass. Thwarting alien invaders is his business and the killing's fine.

Just The Facts

  1. Duke Nukem is the star character of the popular video game series released by the now defunct 3D Realms, formerly Apogee Software.
  2. Duke defends the world against aliens, mutant cops and a long list of other baddies in 14 individual games made available on several gaming consoles, both PC and MAC platforms and a handful of mobile devices.
  3. The highly anticipated Duke Nukem Forever has been in "development hell" since 1997 and will likely never be released, much to the dismay of the many hardcore Nukem fans.
  4. Duke Nukem is a comedically over-the-top action hero in the video game world who likes killing things, gladly over-tips curvy strippers, and still has time to save the world, which is seemingly being invaded by endless hordes of nasty aliens just about every other weekend.
  5. He came to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and he's all out of gum.

Duke Nukem's Condensed History

Duke Nukem starts off innocently enough. In the first game, released in 1991, it was very easy to push Duke into mindless violence. In the game, Duke's soon-to-be arch nemesis Dr. Proton was stirring trouble in our hero's hometown. Proton's robotic henchmen, the Techbots, were causing a commotion in Shrapnel City and ole Duke couldn't give a toss. That is, until the alien invasion interrupts Duke's viewing of the Oprah Winfrey show. This sets his piss to a boil and he completely loses his shit.

Duke is all about the Oprah.

In Duke Nukem II, released just two years after the original, our protagonist is praised as an American hero and the badly damaged Shrapnel City is rebuilt into a metropolis akin to LA, but with far less pollution and even fewer yuppie assholes.

That means you Spicoli!

Everything was peachy keen until the world is invaded by an alien race called the Rigelatins. The Rigelatins, who borrow their charming good looks from aborted fetuses, descend upon Shrapnel City and its up to Nukem to once again save the day. Our hero is captured by the Rigelatins at the start of the invasion, right as he is being interviewed about his recently published autobiography, Why I'm So Great, breaks free and then kicks some serious ass.

Duke Nukem 3D followed Duke Nukem II and was the more successful and arguably the most remembered game in the series. It's set in the early 21st century. Duke's aircraft is shot down over "Los Angeles" and it's up to him to wipe out yet another alien scourge on the city. Duke Nukem 3D is the first of the Nukem games to incorporate a three-dimensional environment. It's highly interactive and all-out fun. Nukem battles mutated police officers that now possess pig-like features, eliminates alien strongholds in adult movie theatres, Japanese restaurants and military bases and pays strippers to shake their cans.

Pixelated boobies. But boobies nonetheless.

He borrow's classic zingers from several cult film stars, including Roddy Piper's character in John Carpenter's They Live! and Bruce Campbell's character Ash from the Evil Dead movies.

Since Duke Nukem 3D there have been over a dozen sequels and spin-offs, some of which were only exclusive to mobile devices like Gameboy and cellular phones.

Duke Nukem Forever...More Like Never.

Shit's probably not gonna happen, folks.

Duke Nukem Forever was a long-awaited sequel to the franchise that began production in 1997. There were several legal issues that have weighed in on the delay of the game's release. And it didn't help that 3D Realms went belly up.

Character and level designs, along with actual gameplay were leaked on the Internet during all of the brouhaha and the Duke Nukem Forever project has all but been abandoned, or at least, that's what it looks like. Bummer.

Don't be mad Timmy, sometimes these things happen. Just remember that it's not your fault.


The Duke Nukem game franchise was so popular during its heyday that the 3D Realms marketing team overdid it a little. And by a little, we mean a lot...

"Here at 3D Realms we value your continued interest in the Duke Nukem games. We'll probably never release Duke Nukem Forever, so in the meanwhile, submit to our marketing genius. Go ahead and buy all of these products that we lovingly jiggled our dicks over as they passed through our assembly lines." -The Management

Ha, ha. We like money.

What's that? You say you want some action figures, here you go schmuck! They're collectables.

Collect 'em all, we don't give a shit.

Do we have backpacks?! What are you some kind of an asshole? Of course we have backpacks. Give us your inheritance and we'll send one right over.

This backpack is also perfect for storing your Duke Nukem action figures.

T-shirts + Fan Money = We buy a small island in the Caribbean. Come get some.


We hate to rag on 3D Realms for attempting to cash in on the Duke Nukem games by launching clothing lines, toy lines, etc. After all, this is a very common business practice. But considering that 3D Realms made ridiculous bank on Nukem for years, well, fuck it.