Chin Strap Beards

Chin Strap Beards are a thin line of facial hair that runs from the portion of the scalp by the ear down along the jaw line and around to connect with the other side.

A simple equation

Just The Facts

  1. May be more pervasive than the Mullet
  2. The thinner the Chin Strap the higher the level of douche becomes
  3. Can be seen paired with two fingered gestures in pics posted on any number of social networking sites

Cracking The Strap

Growing a Chin Strap Beard is like cutting off one testicle in favor of the smaller of the two. That is to say that while it may be considered manly to grow facial hair, choosing to grow a Chin Strap Beard is totally fucking gay. Contrary to what a Chin Strapper may believe, no amount of gym time, nutritional supplementation, Red Bull and vodka, body spray, or steroids can hope to compensate for the damage a Chin Strap Beard can do to actual masculinity better then the proper application of a razor - or at least the growth of a decent beard.

While growing a beard may signify to others that you are an adult male, to circle one's face in a pencil line of beard growth announces to the rational thinking world, (there are still a few of us) "I am a pretentious and obnoxious asshole!"

Chin Strap Beard on a Douchebag

Chin Strap Beards are a stable of tool fashion and are often paired with any combination of:
Pink Clothing
Overpriced T-shirts
Large chains
Huge rhinestone earrings
Bandanas beneath cartoonish looking small brimmed fedoras or 3/4 turned ball caps
Functionless shades in the dead of night
And Fauxhawks or gelled spikes in the hair
As such they become a kind of merit badge for young dickheads that carry a perceived level of coolness that far outweighs their actual status, and the growing number of older men who imitate the fuckers in an effort to pull trim.

Though one might be inclined to think things may have come full circle...

when you stop to think that those young guys are imitating the really old guys.

Legendary trim puller and strap rocker Bro' Brigham Young - Fifty-five wives, beyatch! Hells yeah!

Bro' Abe rollin' out da club with some beaver, son!