Boy Scouts

The Boy Scouts are known for one thing- and one thing only. Their dedicated, tireless efforts to make the world a better place.

With a fabulous uniform and a great reputation, what's not to love?

Just The Facts

  1. The Boy Scouts, founded by Robert Baden-Powell in late 19th century Britian, is an organization created to train youth in character, citizenship, and mental and personal fitness.
  2. After seeing Scouts "in action" in Britian, W. D. Boyce decided he loved American children so much that he would bring Scouting to America.
  3. Scouting remains true to its timeless motto: 'There's no such thing as child abuse.'


These three men amazingly still influence scout policy to this very day.

Because Boyce had only the heart, not the financial means, to lead a great organization such as the Boy Scouts, he needed an organization that would have the moral decency to sponsor such an organazation, or at least an organazation that had some moral standards that he would be proud to have stand behind him as a sponsor. When he gave up on finding those, the Mormon church agreed to sponsor him.

Well of course the Boy Scouts is founded on good intensions-- Why would they lie about something like that?

Scouts were the first door to door converts.

The tradition of tricking gullible people for their money (and other "things" they can offer) has been continued to this very day.

Cub Scouting - Hooking You In Early

Cub Scouting was invented because boys were starting to realize it wasn't the smartest idea to go camping with your neighbors creepy father earlier and earlier. To put a stop to this, Powell organized the Cub scouts, getting you hooked earlier and earlier.

"It's great! I get to spend time in the great outdoors with my son and all his cute little friends."

Cub Scouting achieved its mission to become an exact copy of The Jungle Book when it named the leaders like they were characters from the story (Akela, Mowgli, That Cool Bear That Kidnapped Mowgli) and making their ranks animals you would normally find in a jungle (Tiger, Wolf, Bear).

Well I may be getting a vibe from this, its definately not a creepy vibe. It's actually more like an erection.

Except for Webelos. WTF? What is technically an acronym for we be loyal scouts. That's the oldest rank in Cub Scouting. The original plan was to make the highest rank's title "Man Eating Tiger That Brutally Slaughters Anything That Comes Within 500 Feet of Its Path" but that title was already taken by Teddy Roosevelt. No, just kidding. He actually would find those tigers daily and kill them because his family needed to eat a good breakfast every morning.

After graduating the 5th grade or earning the coveted Arrow of Light, you can move on to being a Boy Scout.


Boy Scouting - What Happens in the Woods Stay in the Woods!

Once you turn 11, the only qualification to being a Boy Scout is you have to be able to walk through the door. Oh wait. You don't even have to do that.

To find out whether you would fit as a Boy Scout, ask yourself the following questions:

-Do you have an interest in repelling women away from you for the rest of your life?

-Have you ever had an interest in exploring boys? (There's a "with" that goes somewhere in there. Maybe.)

-Can you keep a secret?

If you answered "yes" to any of the following questions, then Boy Scouting is right for you!

Also, it helps if you're between 11-18 to be a scout. And over 21 to lead. But if you're disabled, there's no age limit for you! Click it. We dare you. Because you know what's at the bottom of that paper? The Theodore Roosevelt Council. And any council that names themselves after Him will always be right.

If you are one of the lucky 4 million of the world to be a Scout, you join a troop- a unit of scouting comprised anywhere from 5-50 boys and 2-10 Scoutmasters. On some weekends, as a troop, you go camping to "bond". Most scouts are not specific as to what actually goes on during these campouts, citing one of their famous mottos "What Happens In the Woods Stays in the Woods."

In addition to campouts, merit badges of a wide variety are available for almost any interest.

Why yes, we do have stamp collecting!

After a scout earns a certain number of merit badges, he, she, or it can qualify for the Eagle scout.

If you don't... Well, search for "Boy Scouts" on Cracked's search. Here's what comes up first.

There is a rumor going around that the people that join Scouts are not "cool". We believe this proves otherwise:

We also have the Traffic Safety badge.

Eagle Scouting - Scouting's Highest "Honor"

To be an Eagle scout is scouting's highest honor. However, to people in the real world, having the highest honor in scouting is like being the smartest kid with down syndrome. It means nothing... Except...

You can put it on your resume as an added "bonus" or automatically earn two ranks in the military if you join.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Sir!

Venture Scouting - The Big WTF of Scouting

We here at Cracked are very understanding. People make mistakes throughout their lives! They cheat on tests, join Boy Scouts, kill a hooker or two, we're not here to judge! Your mom straps you down and forces you to do Boy Scouts... Who cares if you made it all the way to Eagle? That's fine... You're done with it now!

But Venture Scouting is taking it one step too far.

Venture Scouting, a program designed for boys who "couldn't get enough" of scouting, is the first program in Boy Scout history that allows women to join. However, most boys who have gone through the Cub and Boy Scout programs have never learned how to talk to women, so that doesn't add that big of a plus. Also, the age range is 14-21, you have three extra years left! Is there a reason you needed to do this overachieving? I didn't think so.

Controversy in the BSA

The Boy Scouts have gone under fire for their decision to ban homosexuals from becoming adult leaders. They specifically state: The Scout oath requires members to be "morally straight." The organization "takes the position that homosexual conduct is inconsistent with the Scout oath ... and contrary to the Scout Law to be 'clean' in word and deed." It doesn't work out too well for the gays because the Supreme Court upholds the right for any private organization to choose its members. Sorry.

Atheists and agnostics are also banned from joining, which doesn't really surprise most people. What does surprise most people is that two atheists actually sued to try to get into the Boy Scouts. We're not kidding. They didn't win, but just think about that for a second. Two people sued to get into the Boy Scouts. It is now appropriate to ask... What is this world coming to?!?

Another controversy surrounding the Boy Scouts is the sexual abuse of young boys on camping trips. Really? You didn't see this coming? You sent your boys with a 45 year old guy to a sleepover in the middle of nowhere, where no one can hear you scream?!?

Alright kids, time to go to our most fun campout yet!

Usually, in the unlikely event a boy is molested, he can always reach out to a trusted parent, priest, or teacher. Happy camping!