Microsoft Paint

Microsoft Paint is the best photo editor in the world. With its powerful interface, the user is able to draw a circle. Its high level of quality ensures maximum production of contrived Photoshop contest entries by hacks.

We're on to you, Chuck E. Cheese.

Just The Facts

  1. Microsoft is responsible for releasing MS Paint into the world's eye.
  2. Is included free with the purchase of any version of Windows. (The joke's on you.)
  3. Is not really the best photo editor in the world.
  4. Must be destroyed.

Paint: The Worst Photo Editor in the World

With the release of Windows 1.0, whatever was using Windows 1.0 nearly bled to death when they experienced the power of the built in photo editor for the first time.

Paint is yet another item on the list of abortions produced by 1985. Instead of implementing useful features into later versions (such as the ability to save images without ruining them), the budding Microsoft decided to focus on circle drawing and downgrades. As mentioned previously, Paint is a great tool for people without Photoshop to enter Photoshop contests with. However, it is a horrible tool for trying to enter a Photoshop contest with. Paint, in contrast with its pretentious competitors, is completely free with the purchase of any version of the Windows operating system making it even more not worth it.

Letter to Microsoft

Although our word goes largely unnoticed by Microsoft, we'll play good comedy conglomerate and throw them a free chunk of possible advice simply because we have absolutely nothing better to do. Before we begin, we'd like to set something straight with the notoriously polythestic crowd of Cracked reading Microsoft software engineers: our superior credentials (watched hilarious commercial for Mac) are not to be challenged by anyone who helped develop Paint, especially people who developed Paint. People have gotten the better of us before, but damnit we will not be pushed around by a group known for developing f***ing Paint. The following is an extract from our 490 page open letter to Microsoft:

"Dear to whom it may concern,
In the immortal words of B1gd1ck72, "I gotz teh gooder idea n00bz." The immeasurable impact of this expression on the spambots posting in the comments section has proved it a perfect opening quote for our letter to whoever the f**k is reading this. You see, after a few minutes of grueling Yahoo Answers research, we have come to a startling conclusion - one that everyone in your space ship is thinking about but too afraid of losing their retardedly semi-comfortable salaries to do something about: we must allow the impending catastrophe to happen, so that it may wipe out your ungodly creation (Microsoft Paint). According to extensive research, the exact date of this disaster is 2012, and unless Roland Emmerich is lying to us we don't think there's room for an argument in that area."

You've been warned, Microsoft.